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Original poster

Telling DD(7) that I'm pregnant before 12 weeks?

27 replies

Sleepinglion5 · 15/10/2024 14:57

I'm currently 7 weeks, and DM thinks it's a bad idea but I am considering telling DD that I am pregnant. I'll hold off as long as I can but I was very unwell in my pregnancy with her (constantly in and out of hospital with HG from very early on) and she's already asking questions about my sickness. I've tried passing it off as just feeling a bit funny but I can tell she's worried. DH is unsure what we should do too as she's been begging for a little brother or sister for years now so we know she'd be delighted. But God forbid something went wrong, I don't know how she'd take that.

This was a very unexpected pregnancy (as far as I knew, it probably couldn't happen again without fertility treatment) so we didn't plan for how to approach this with DD. Do I wait it out or try and explain what's going on sooner?

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 15/10/2024 14:58

How old are you?

JollyGreenSnake · 15/10/2024 14:59

Wait it out.

mumtotwo11 · 15/10/2024 15:01

Honestly I'd wait - even if you are poorly and in hospital she doesn't need to know exactly why.

Also, if you plan to keep it secret from others then no way will she keep that secret

toastofthetown · 15/10/2024 15:02

At seven weeks would a private scan be an option? I had a private scan at 8 weeks and the risk of miscarriage goes down considerably if you’ve seen a baby in the right place with a heartbeat. And then you’ll have something show her as well (even if it’s a bit of a blob). Obviously there’s still a risk it can all go wrong afterwards but that’s true any time of pregnancy unfortunately.

Comingupriver · 15/10/2024 15:03

Wait it out. Tell a friend if you need to tell someone.

Chillisintheair · 15/10/2024 15:03

I wouldn’t until you’ve had a viability scan.

Singleandproud · 15/10/2024 15:05

If something goes wrong would you tell her? Or would she possibly just be wondering why mum and dad are sad? If you would tell her anyway then you may as well tell her why you are feeling sick so she isn't worrying that you are ill.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 15/10/2024 15:05

Wait asi long as possible - well beyond 12 weeks.

She will be incredibly frustrated at having to wait.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 15/10/2024 15:06

Definitely wait.

I felt awful in my first 14 weeks with DS2 but I'm glad I waited to tell ds1 (who was 8 at the time). He'd have been devastated if I'd told him and something had happened. It was hard because I barely functioned in the evenings for weeks on end but with DH's help we were able to get through it without ds1 being worried - and then we told him at 12 weeks after my scan.

FasterMichelin · 15/10/2024 15:06

I would wait. I know it's exciting but it's crushing when it ends in a miscarriage and I can imagine would be very confusing for a 7 year old, especially if you then struggle to conceive after. Just not worth it, it's only 5 more Mondays.

FasterMichelin · 15/10/2024 15:08

toastofthetown · 15/10/2024 15:02

At seven weeks would a private scan be an option? I had a private scan at 8 weeks and the risk of miscarriage goes down considerably if you’ve seen a baby in the right place with a heartbeat. And then you’ll have something show her as well (even if it’s a bit of a blob). Obviously there’s still a risk it can all go wrong afterwards but that’s true any time of pregnancy unfortunately.

I had two miscarriages after 8 weeks, both with heartbeats. The risk reduces but is still a lot higher than at 12 weeks.

Picklewicklepickle · 15/10/2024 15:14

Chances are things will be fine but as someone who received bad news at their 12 week scan I would personally wait, I was so glad we hadn’t told DD at that point, although I was really tempted.

IMBCRound2 · 15/10/2024 15:23

She may well figure it out- my three year just looked at me one day and asked point blank if I had a baby in my belly … I can imagine an older child would be even more switched on.

TheSnugHare · 15/10/2024 15:24

No because you might have a miscarriage

Motomum23 · 15/10/2024 15:38

I told all my kids as soon as we found out with the absolute clarity that sometimes early pregnancies are lost... that way if we ever grieved they would understand that too.

AllHisCaterpillarFriends · 15/10/2024 15:40

I would tell her

Kids are more resilient than we think when we are honest with them.

The fear of the unknown is worse for a 7 year old than age appropriate information.

If it is bad news you will be upset and she won't know why.
She knows you are sick and is probably worrying that you are really sick.

FoamingCharges · 15/10/2024 15:42

Agree with Motomum23 and AllHisCaterpillarFriends.

IVFmumoftwo · 15/10/2024 15:43

I wouldn't.

ATuinTheGreat · 15/10/2024 15:44

I would think about things like - would you end the pregnancy if you found out that the baby had chromosomal or developmental abnormalities? If you think you might, then I think it would be better to rule that out before telling your child, aa it would add another layer of difficulty and distress to your situation.

Maray1967 · 15/10/2024 15:47

We waited until after 12 weeks - similar situation, DS1 was 7, but we’d had 3 mcs so were naturally cautious. Parents on both sides knew before but no one else.

We made sure he was the first to know when DS2 was born. Our friend who brought him home from after school club knew before MIL (at our house for DS1) as DH got home just as the friend was pulling up with DS1, but DH knew pretty much when he would be back so avoided seeing MIL first.

6 months is long enough for a 7 year old to wait for a much wanted sibling, so I’d hang on and wait.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/10/2024 15:47

I’d wait.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 15/10/2024 15:47

I think if you are really unwell it’s better to tell her because otherwise she might be imagining all sorts of horrible illnesses you might have and worrying about it.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 15/10/2024 15:49

If are unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage, you may have to tell her anyway because otherwise again she may be worried about your health/ why you are sad.

However, hoping that doesn’t happen and you are a healthy pregnancy.

HamptonPlace · 15/10/2024 16:03

For the love of &^%$£ do NOT tell her... there is no upside that won't be achieved if you wait 5 weeks.... Little girls don't ned to know about MCs, they're horrible enough to endure as adults....

melodypondisasuperhero · 15/10/2024 16:07

I’m in the same situation with DS8, currently 9 weeks and won’t be telling him until after the 12 week scan, he would just be so crushed if it didn’t work out.