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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My girlfriend is hypervigilant and I feel judged

105 replies

dlp777 · 15/10/2024 14:39

ok, never posted before

i am 27, my girlfriend is 24.

we have recently moved in together after a year and a half of being together. We have been living together for 5 months before then, because she basically lived at mine. We now have a new house (rental).

We have only been in for a week, and nothing is ready yet. Our sofas haven’t arrived, we don’t have our telly yet, nothing is sorted and so we’re staying there, but it doesn’t feel like home yet.

on the day we moved in, I texted her to say “I’m coming home now” and she said I “could have sounded more excited”.
I hate it when she tells me how I should be feeling. Everyone shows excitement in different ways and she has such rigid expectations. I have to act in a certain way or she doesn’t like it.

She was sobbing this morning because she feels like I’m not excited. This is because we woke up and had breakfast in silence because I was tired. She said the atmosphere was off and it’s all meant to be fun and exciting.
She keeps saying things like “I want you to be the most excited and see this as the best thing ever” or “we’re supposed to be jumping around in excitement in our first house”.

Another issues is, she can’t take any criticism. I told her I hate it when she tells me how I feel, and I’ve hated it this whole time. It turns into a huge thing and she says things like “I want you to love everything about me” or “you’ve hated something about me for 18 months”

I do really love her and she makes me happy most of the time, but always seems to think I’m lying when I say nice things. She never takes my word for it.

I don’t want everyone to come on here and just trash talk her, I need tsome constructive advice to help me/her please, or tell me if I’m in the wrong?

thank you

OP posts:
lolit · 16/10/2024 13:54

WhichEllie · 15/10/2024 15:32

If someone “ate breakfast in silence” with me I would assume that they were pissed off with me about something. Is this your first time living with someone? Living together means making an effort with one another. I know that some people are moody in the mornings but it’s pretty uncivil to not engage with those around you.

As for the rest… you may just not be compatible. She is anxious and seeking reassurance from you because you don’t seem to be expressive, so she doesn’t know what you’re thinking and where she stands with you. If you’re not going to offer that reassurance she is going to continue to be anxious and upset. Her over-the-top responses are probably partly her age, but there’s likely just a fundamental incompatibility here.

That's insane. Something people just want to have a meal in peace

lolit · 16/10/2024 13:55

Sometimes*

Attelina · 16/10/2024 14:35

Who wants to walk around on eggshells foe the whole of their relationship?

It's not going to work so cut your losses now. She's histrionic, needy, demanding and manipulative if she doesn't get her own way.

She's trying to shape you into what she wants not what you are.

It will get a lot worse.

bifurCAT · 16/10/2024 15:00

Run. She's an emotions vampire and will judge/pick apart everything that you ever do, and then she'll apologise the next day because her drama upset you, which then upsets her.

Normallynumb · 16/10/2024 15:22

This all sounds exhausting and I think whatever you do or say, will never be enough or right for her ears
It could be due to age or personality, but this situation will drain the life out of you

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