Found out we are nearly broke -

[Pollss]

I thought we were doing well but DH told me we are almost broke.

We are mid 40s & 2 kids in primary school.

Joint gross income is £68k.

We have £190k outstanding on the mortgage on a house worth £525k

We have about £15k in savings and DH has £10 company shares. The children have about £5k each in their ISAs.

i thought we were in a much better financial position. DH has always been a saver whilst I have been a spender. He handed me 6 months' credit card statements and there were just 100s of pointless transactions: coffee, pret, McDonald's, cinema trips costing £50 a piece.

DH doesn't talk to me about our finances because it usually ends in bickering. I was hoping to move to a larger house as our current one is too small but £525k gets you nothing in London.

what can i do to improve our finance situation

If you aren’t where you though you’d be I assume you’ve left it mostly to your husband to deal with. So if you are a spender then the fact that he has saved £25k and built up a decent equity in your house with two kids living in London on a fairly average income for a two adult household is pretty amazing. So maybe you need to rein in your spending and look at what you adding to this pot of money.

Nearly broke my arse!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I've been completely broke. You are not and you are being ridiculous.

You could probably learn to be a bit more of a saver than a fritterer while still having enough fun money. Not quite so many coffees out or trips to McDonald's. That would help. But you are most definitely NOT nearly broke!

It sounds like your DHis doing as good as job as he can with managing the finances, so if I were you I would

Ask to see or draw up a monthly budget and the yearly costs. So you understand where things stand.

Agree a budget for personal type spends, factoring what the yearly cost would be. Ie £100 a month on McDonalds is £1200 a year is it worth it

Look up no spending challenges and free activities

Look at ways of increasing income

You also haven’t mentioned pensions, that is something that you also need to be focusing on.

If you are concerned about the children’s savings, can you reduce the number of presents they get and pay extra into that?

Spend time on money saving expert, get the weekly newsletter and join in on some of the challenges on the forum.

Ok, so you are not where you though you would be in terms of savings - but why did you not realise this? If your goal was to move to a bigger house why had you not discussed the money you needed to achieve that and how you were going to reach that goal as a couple?

You see remarkably passive about finances for someone with big ambitions for your money.

You need to reset how you spend money. From today you stop and think about every single purchase you make. So stop the coffees and the McDonald. Start planning your food to include lunches and treats at home.
Coffee out needs to be an occasional treat, like when you meet a friend. Or get one for £1.25 from McDonald’s if you are desperate.
You can spend so much money on small purchases without even realising it.

I know so many people who complain they are skint but all their money goes on nothing, things they might not even miss, it’s just a terrible habit.

But surely you can see that you’re in that position because of your frivolous spending? So there’s an obvious solution here…

I’m not surprised it ends in bickering when you’re so clueless about finances and fritter lots of money away.

There was a post similar to this last week. The £900 left till the end of the month woman.
I literally can't believe some people don't have the inner voice to tell themselves that this isn't something to post online.
You are not broke, far from it. Many of us are actually broke, and dont know where the money is coming from to get the next bit of shopping in.
Get over yourself and stop wasting money.

You thought you’d have more saved up? But you admit you’re a spender. So what you’re basically saying is you thought your husband would have saved more whilst you carry on spending. Sounds to me like your husband has thought ‘sod this, why am I scrimping and saving whilst she buys what she likes’.

If you have to put Pret and McDonald’s on credit cards, it suggests you can’t afford them. I only use my CC for big purchases like holidays or sofas or something big, not bloody Big Macs.

But why did you think that? Surely you just needed to look at your credit card statements and bank accounts to know that wasn't the case...

Stop frittering money away.

Mid forties and you should be in a much better financial position than you are.

He's going to resent you if you don't start putting yourself in check when you waste money.

@Pollss 🙄 Really?

68k before taxes? This is not a high income for London and to be spending a lot in coffee shops, eating out with current high prices. So I am a bit with your husband.

start budgeting and try to stick to it

Do you not have access to your statement via online accounts? I check my bank balance and credit card transactions daily as app on my phone.

Your DH has identified that the problem is your spending. So you need to stop bickering and sit down and look at the finances properly. Listen to what he says and own your behaviour.

Ongoing you need to agree how much you can afford to save. I suggest he takes control of the savings account, or you put it into a notice account so that you can't get your hands on it instantly.

You need to split your spending between what you needed and what you wanted and then see what is essential and what is a luxury, and take it from there.

You have been frittering it away so far, which is fine if you have the money, but you can't expect to have savings while you are doing that.

Some people put all their monthly spend on a CC and pay it off in full at the end of each month. If you’re using a CC that collects points/cashback etc it’s actually a sensible money management tool.

This is a wonderful up post

Well obviously cut down on the pointless transactions! Make your own coffee, make your own lunch, use Netflix/Disney+ instead of expensive cinema trips, cut the junk food. Obviously these things can be a 'once in a while' treat but not a regular occurrence.
Look at your food bill, designer brands etc etc.
You've said yourself that you're a spender, so unless you curb that, you're not going to be better off!

Sorry meant wind up post .

Broke is not knowing how you're going to pay for the single oil radiator you've just switched on anyway because the temp is 3° today, and having to rely on family to buy groceries each week or you don't eat. And even that is privileged as broke goes, many are far worse off.

This!!!

Do you want to take a look at my bank account? Then you’ll understand what broke is!

Tbh honest i think your big issue is that in your mid forties you only have a combined income of 68k.
Thats £34k each, which is barely above the UK median, and did i read from your posts that you are in london? For London this is an extremely low household income and to be honest im surprised you've managed to afford to buy and save at all.
Is it that one of you has stopped work or gone very part time since having kids, as if so it sounds like you haven't adjusted your lifestyle accordingly.
If you want the lifestyle luxury of part time work /not working, you likely need to sacrifice other lifestyle luxuries like coffees/lunches out and expensive regular cinema trips.

I assume that your husband printed off the statements or you still get statements posted? Ditch that and turn digital- no idea why you are still dealing with paper statements - so much harder to keep track using paper.