To expect to see more women supporting other women?

[WhimsicalGubbins76]

Just as the title says really. Women have faced centuries of abuse and misogyny from the opposite sex, but if we’re being really, brutally honest, we’re often awful to each other. I see it in these boards every day-most women are supportive, yes. But you also see so many that just jump into the comments to throw about abuse like it’s a sport. How many comments do you see that have been removed by MNHQ? How many spats do you see breaking out in the comments? How many derogatory remarks? I’m not claiming to be innocent, I’ve risen to it when goaded, I’ve called people out for being a troll poster. But why do we do it? We should be lifting each other, not knocking each other down.

YABU- It’s just the way the world is, get over it
YANBU- yes women should stick up for each other and support each other more

I think the anonymity of this forum definitely gives some people on it more opportunity to be unsupportive, nasty and rude with their comments.
On the other hand I've seen amazing supportive comments from women to women.
It's social media it can bring you down it can raise you up.

Humans can be horrible to other humans. We’re all flawed, we have capacity to be rationally hurt and irrationally hurt others. Some humans are not nice irrespective of sex. It’s the way it’s always been.

Professionally I manage 3 young women. My job is to stand them on my shoulders, leverage my progress and achieve more, and they are. But there was a 4th I couldn’t stand. Hated her gamesmanship with others. Her back stabbing. I passed her off to someone else. No shoulders for her.

I always try to be a good person but sometimes on here people ask for opinions and then lambast anyone who doesn't agree with them. I think it's refreshingly honest here, but yes you do see some plain spiteful replies. Equally though, if your response is anything other than 'leave the b***d' when someone is asking about a relationship, you can be on the receiving end of nonsensical buzz words, as though by disagreeing with that one post, you have letdown the whole sisterhood.

It's great when we can celebrate our differences as well as our common ground.

I haven't voted, as I think YABU to say you should stand up for someone just because she is a woman, but not for the reason in your OP.

I always to what I can to stand up for what is right , and if it happens that it is a woman who is behaving awfully, I am not going to stand up for her because she happens to be a woman.
Yes, Women have faced centuries of abuse and misogyny , and, as such I try and support where I can with that in mind, in the same way I do for any group that is being or has been discriminated against, but that isn't blanket permission for women to behave poorly and then expect support.

Yes, I think as humans, we should all try and boost people when the opportunity arises. I try and say something nice when I can, but I say it to people whatever sex they are.

Absolutely agree about having honesty. Honesty has always been my policy, and heated discussions are also fine, they’re constructive and allow for many viewpoints.
But on the other side of the coin, you see so much nastiness disguised as honesty, and some don’t even bother to disguise it. There seems to be a fine line between honesty and just plain old cruel.

#Be kind?

No thanks.

The reason I love Mumsnet is because the women on here will challenge others, and won't just blindly offer support because the poster has a vagina.

Yes, some posters are dicks and trolls but the majority on here are not.

I’m not going to automatically support someone just because they happen to be a woman. Women do plenty of things that don’t deserve support.

I think you’ve misunderstood my intention of my post (might be how I worded it) I didn’t say we should support other women simply because we are women. That would be ludicrous, because it gives rise to vile behaviour and a free pass to behave how you want.
My point is you see women knocking other women for absolutely no reason. A woman will come on here looking for support and advice, and every odd post or so is someone being derogatory, or cruel, or just plain insulting for absolutely no reason other than they want to. They’ll get called out on it by other posters, they even get their comments removed at times-but I’m just fed up of seeing it. There’s no call for it, we shouldn’t be doing it to each other when it’s underserved.
However, if someone is behaving like a twat, then get in line 🤣

I never quite know what people want when they post this observation (it gets posted very regularly!)

Are we just supposed to agree with everyone? Have the same values? Politics? Faith? Just cheer on the ones who don’t believe in discipline so have feral kids? Or not give tough love to the clueless women who don’t realise they’re neck deep in abuse? Or not educate the entitled ones that think all poor people are thick and feckless? Are transwomen really women?

Whose values are you using as the barometer for the lifting up and the knocking down?

Some of the shitty posters say they are women, yes. But a lot of them are probably men telling us off for talking.

And I like the plain speaking. It's refreshing.

I think this is just the bi-weekly 'everyone on MN is awful' type thread.

The thing is OP, while name changing is allowed, this problem will never go away.

People can be a dick in one name and an angel in another. If they had to stick to one name they'd be less of a dick, because no-one would bother talking to them otherwise.

But MN wouldn't work without name changing, so here we are 🤷‍♂️

@MrsTerryPratchett but a lot of them are probably men telling us off for talking

🤣🤣

I think you’ve misunderstood my intention of my post

Ah, so this is just the weekly "should we all #bekind" thread then ?

Totally agree.

Yes it would be lovely if all women supported one another because the patriarchy damages all of humanity, with women and girls hit hardest.

However, many women are Handmaidens including many of the middle class white feminists who will hold up placards talking about representation in board rooms but don’t give a fuck what happens to young poor girls living on estates around the corner from their house.

Look at the furore over the Garrick membership. The Guardian must have had an hourly update on the outrage of it being a men only club. Then as soon as the rules were changed and upper class white women could sit alongside their DHs and brothers, all was fine and it went quiet again.

Many women use the sisterhood for personal gain. They just want to be in the Boardroom next to their husbands. They will not help or even trample on anyone not like them who tries to come up. That’s why you don’t see many minorities or working class women in mainstream feminist movements.

Many women have learned that whilst another woman is unlikely to hit you, you may still need to be wary.

I agree with you OP - and I would love to see more of it in real life. As a person I am willing to be friendly. I find that it’s not always reciprocated by others.

I’ll give an example. I find men generally have this bro code. I’ve been to weddings and parties with my partner, and they will give him a handshake, smile, sometimes I leave and I’ll ask him “do you know these guys?” He will say “no” - there is a way that men connect with eachother (generally) where they will always put eachother first. (I admit this is my theory and I am generalising but I’’m sticking to it based on my experience).

On the other hand, if I was to approach a group of women in a similar social setting, a percentage would be nice, but gosh, unless you are the life of the party type of character - it can be such hard work! It would be nice if generally, we had each others backs a little bit more.

I’ve found this to be true in many rooms I’ve walked into. I must say, I personally have a very good group of female friends. I also work in a female dominated industry and there are plenty of women that are nice.

I wasn’t aware there was a weekly thread. And no, did I say be kind?
Im saying don’t be nasty twat to women we don’t know for no reason. There’s a world of difference between giving honest and possibly brutally honest feedback, and just being vile

Exactly. I'm not going to support someone purely because of their sex. Sometimes human beings behave appallingly, and that includes women - and of course it includes women on here.

Give me a male boss any day! 🤣

Yes she has.

She's also made comments about abuse and personal attacks being deleted - as I'm sure she agrees it should be.

Where’s the line between brutally honest and vile, or between good and bad? In my time, under other user names I’ve been called an angel, a wonderful compassionate woman and a piece of work and utter bitch. Because no one knows the real context of my posts or knows me. None of the facts I’ve posted that has garnered those names is untrue, or inconsistent with who I am. But we are all just getting that snapshot of each other. Context is irrelevant when we’re anonymous to each other.

I think my point is that I’ll save my support for my real life interactions. I realise that for some this is possibly the only outlet they have, but the internet enables inauthenticity and I can’t blindly support that

Exactly.

It's also incredibly subjective. Some people cry bully and attacking just because others dare to disagree with them.