To think it's wrong to refuse to put a father on the birth certificate

[HorsePeopleAreStablePeople]

I often see people on here tell the OP to refuse to put the father on the birth certificate. AIBU to think it's fundamentally wrong to deny parental rights to a child's parent and it's wrong for a baby to have a blank space on their birth certificate where their father should be unless the father is unknown because it's their birth and heritage information?

I know that women often do it to make sure the father has no say over the child because they think they know best and want to make all the decisions but I just don't think it's fair to deny parental rights to fathers.

If a father could refuse rights to the mother there would be uproar and rightly so, so why isn't it the same when women deny fathers their rights?

It's very difficult to remove parental responsibility OP so sometimes it is better to not hand over that responsibility.

Do you know that fathers who rape their children retain parental responsibility of that child?

Perhaps women should be thinking more about the men they're having children with BEFORE the fact.

This is entirely irrelevant by the time they're in the second trimester of pregnancy.

Lots of men don't turn abusive or shitty until the woman is pregnant.

Or are women supposed to be psychic as well?

I made a decision not to put my sons father on the birth certificate. And I stand by my choice.

Ewww.

The majority (99.9%) of the responsibility lies with the abusive man. Given how many men turn abusive during pregnancy, I would suggest in many cases, it’s 100% the man’s fault. Suggesting its women’s fault is derailing and we will never even begin to chip away at VAWG and misogyny.

The system of men being parentally responsible if they're on the birth certificate was to make men more responsible for their child not to give them rights and have the ability to make life more difficult for the mother of their child and therefore their child. The child is the one who has rights. If a man has had nothing to do with the mother throughout her pregnancy or was abusive there is a good chance that they won't be a good father and it's best not to put them on the birth certificate, to make life difficult. If the mother is wrong to think that they won't be a good parent they can easily get parental responsibility. If they don't bother to do that it suggests the mother was right.

I'm not sure what people mean when they say that there is a stigma to not having the father's name on the birth certificate. We're not in the 1950s or 60s and who is going to know anyway?

YANBU. It can be done manipulatively.

A birth certificate is supposed to be a factual reflection of the child's parentage.

That's a very old figure and comes from the days where there was a stigma with divorce and women were trapped in marriage.. Do you seriously think one in 10 women are sleeping and getting pregnant with men other than their partner nowadays? We have DNA tests.

That's not what the birth certificate system is.

It's only ever been a factual reflection on who the mother is. The man's name has always been her husband's or no one if she's not married.

I did not tell my child’s ‘father’ her DOB or registry date to protect her and myself. He is an alcoholic rapist and abuser and if ‘denying his parental rights’ makes me the bad guy in your eyes I’m more than happy to wear that with pride. You clearly have no idea of the consequences of giving men like that parental rights.

Dear god, you have a pp who was raped by her child's father, what thinking could she have done to avoid this?

I hope this isn't your real view because you know abuse is likely to start during pregnancy? Also, my ex promised he would be a great father, we talked and talked before I became pregnant how we would raise our children. It has been nothing like this but how was I to know? I loved and trusted him.

Do you actually think it's good for kids to be forced to see their dad's when their dad's have been abusive to their mum?
If my dad had advised my mum I'd bloody hope I'd be protected from him.

I thought it was about the child though? So surely you think he should be forced? Or is only women who have to be forced to do shit entirely against their own interests just to massage the ego of shitty men?

You said that of course they shouldn’t be forced to have their name of the BC.

Why?

Example of father with custody and parental rights on show today. Who wouldn't attempt to present that if foreseen?

Oh good . Because that’s exactly how the system currently works. HTH.

I'm not an idiot. I know you can't force a man to be on the birth certificate, but I didn't say that did I? I was referring to men being denied the opportunity to be on the birth certificate because the mother simply doesn't want them to be on there.

But they're not - there's a straightforward process to get themselves put onto it. No-one's stopping a father going on the birth certificate if he wants to.

The thing is, a birth certificate isn't a factual record of a child's parentage. It's often used as a method of control.

The reason for OPs thread is that she disagrees on another thread that an alcoholic drug user should not be named on the birth certificate. If OP is happy to hand her child over to an alcoholic drug user, I think that says more about her parenting than the other OP.

There is no answer to this one.
If the father is decent and wants to get involved, then the mother is wrong not to add him to the certificate.
If he is an idiot with abusive behaviour and does not even want to be involved, why give him any control? That could turn to harm to the child later on.

Fathers can, and do sometimes, take parental rights from mothers.same as above. All depends on the individual parent.

My son is now 32.
I met his dad abroad, short ish relationship and we split while I was pregnant.
When my son was born I also had the blank box next to father's name.
The country we met in was neither my country or his, it was pre social media and mobiles and, for various reasons, it took me 16 years to track him down, but within 8 weeks of this I took my son to meet him.
I was in the UK, he was in Australia.
For me, it was so important for my son to know his heritage, his roots, and have his dad's name on the birth certificate.
I was able to add his dad's name to a reissued birth certificate when he was 17.

The very first reply mentioned it, but @HorsePeopleAreStablePeople
Parents do not have rights.