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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Co parent won’t authorise flu jab for DS

44 replies

wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:26

DS (5) has gone into school today and flu jabs / nasal sprays were planned and booked in weeks ago for today. I consented like I did last year with no problems. His dad was on the school emails but never bothers to reply or do anything with them. Today when I took DS into class, the teacher said my son’s dad had called the school and said he didn’t want DS to have the jab. Wtf? He never gets involved in any child ‘admin’ (doctors, dentist, school trips, parties etc). I genuinely believe getting the flu jab will be in my son’s best interest (no arguments on your beliefs on the jab please!). I also have a SENCO meeting with the school later today to discuss DS ADHD diagnosis which Ex cba to go to, neither will he attend parents evening Thursday, but the fact he can have such a sway on this has pissed me off a bit. I know he’s still 50% of DS parents but why should he be able to pick and choose. Do I just accept that neither of my kids can have the jab now?

OP posts:
CameronStrike · 14/10/2024 12:30

Unfortunately this is the law. You could apply to court for a specific issue order on the matter of vaccinations. I am normally the last person to recommend family court but in a matter of a child's health I think it would be important enough.

Ivehearditbothways · 14/10/2024 12:33

Take him to the pharmacy and just pay to get it done? You can consent, they won’t seek out consent from the other parent and he won’t find out. If pharmacies don’t do the kids then you’ll be able to book it at your GP. They shouldn’t go and ask dad for consent.
He sounds like a useless moron.

fashionqueen0123 · 14/10/2024 12:35

That’s terrible.
Id see if you can get it done at the GP. Call and say he missed his school one. They do the spray ones for toddlers so they may have a space for a child of that age.

Original poster
wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:35

Ivehearditbothways · 14/10/2024 12:33

Take him to the pharmacy and just pay to get it done? You can consent, they won’t seek out consent from the other parent and he won’t find out. If pharmacies don’t do the kids then you’ll be able to book it at your GP. They shouldn’t go and ask dad for consent.
He sounds like a useless moron.

Edited

I would but my 5yo would definitely tell haha - also wouldn’t I be in trouble for going directly against his wishes? He said he’s ’actioned his right to withdraw consent as his father’. Dick head

OP posts:
Mountainpika · 14/10/2024 12:37

Does Ex have the jabs himself?

Original poster
wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:37

Mountainpika · 14/10/2024 12:37

Does Ex have the jabs himself?

I honestly can’t remember. I know he had all his Covid jabs. Ex had flu about 3 years ago and was deathly ill so it’s really surprised me.

OP posts:
Oreosareawful · 14/10/2024 12:38

Who will be looking after DS if/when he comes down with flu? I'd be packing him off to his dads for him to take care of

Justcallmebebes · 14/10/2024 12:39

wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:35

I would but my 5yo would definitely tell haha - also wouldn’t I be in trouble for going directly against his wishes? He said he’s ’actioned his right to withdraw consent as his father’. Dick head

Show quote history

Take him to a pharmacist or GP surgery and 'action your right to jab as his mother '. Simple

ChaosDream · 14/10/2024 12:39

Sorry to hear this has happened. Unfortunately it is the law. If there's known parental dispute the immunisation can't be carried out unless both parents can agree to immunisation or there is a specific court approval that immunisation is in the best interests of the child

PassingStranger · 14/10/2024 12:39

Bet he dosent care really he's doing it to annoy you and because he can.

TheCatterall · 14/10/2024 12:41

@wtfisthisplease I second @Oreosareawful idea. The minute your child gets a sniffle it’s off to dads and he can take time of work etc to nurse his child. I’d make it clear that any illness and he will be expected to step up. Is this to spite you or based on some genuine worry?

and realistically he’s told school they can’t. He hasn’t said that You can’t get it done at Drs or a Pharmacy.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 14/10/2024 12:43

As others said, take DCs to the pharmacy. If they blab you say you are exercising your right as their parent. No court has a problem with a parent having their kids vaccinated. It’s encouraged!

blackdogatmyheels · 14/10/2024 12:43

The pharmacy idea is absolutely a no-goer, you cannot get a child vaccinated at a pharmacy for flu.

The GP surgery 'may' do it, but mine wouldn't if it had been offered at school. Worth enquiring with them though.

tiredandcold7 · 14/10/2024 12:44

It's only the nasal spray for seasonal flu. I wouldn't give him the attention of trying to contest it in any way, it's not worth it.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/10/2024 12:44

I think I’d leave it as it hopefully this isn't the hill to die on and go nuclear at the ex. If you are having SENCO meetings you may need Dickhead dad to authorise medical forms in the future so don’t rock the boat today …

Sorry for all the corny sayings

Thelnebriati · 14/10/2024 12:46

If you take it to family court they can request his medical records, and if he's been vaccinated you've got evidence of coercive control right there.

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 14/10/2024 12:46

I dont have my kids done, so no bias on my end, but if you think its in his best interests, you have every right to take him to the pharmacy and get him immunised.

itwasnevermine · 14/10/2024 12:47

If he'll tell them from the pharmacy apply to the court. It's absolutely wrong of him to do this.

pikkumyy77 · 14/10/2024 12:47

Contest it and also let your ex know that whether its you or DS getting sick you will be delivering the child to him for the duration. Its really inconsiderate and cruel to deny the child the protection of modern medicine.

Ivehearditbothways · 14/10/2024 12:48

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 14/10/2024 12:46

I dont have my kids done, so no bias on my end, but if you think its in his best interests, you have every right to take him to the pharmacy and get him immunised.

Why not? Not trying to be a dick, I just don’t actually know any antivaxxers (well, I don’t know any who say they are, maybe I do).
So… why not?

Original poster
wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:59

Thanks all. So basically I won’t go to prison if I take them to the pharmacy or GP and have them done? 3yo is booked in to the nurse for his flu spray next week anyway!

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 14/10/2024 13:04

wtfisthisplease · 14/10/2024 12:59

Thanks all. So basically I won’t go to prison if I take them to the pharmacy or GP and have them done? 3yo is booked in to the nurse for his flu spray next week anyway!

I would the GP now and say your youngest missed the school one and can they be done along with the 3 year old. You can’t get kids done at the pharmacy they do adult injections not kid nasal sprays.

MoneyAndPercentages · 14/10/2024 13:04

I mean he hasn't told you. For all you know the school didn't get through all the students so you took him yourself?

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2024 13:07

Why does his 50% override the OP's 50%?

itwasnevermine · 14/10/2024 13:12

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2024 13:07

Why does his 50% override the OP's 50%?

It's a liability issue for the school.