DP does this when I raise any point

[Cinnabun10]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but every time I raise a point with DP either their mood or something they have said which have upset me then DP brings up anything in the past to throw at me.
Is this DARVO?
I feel like I can't bring any point up because I'll be ignored and then DP will try tell me I've done something worse.
Example is we were at DP parents and they began saying how they might go part time and claim benefits and become a dosser and was really laughing about it. I sat there awkwardly because I'm part time and claim UC as I'm a single parent and have to work around DS school and childcare.
DP parents know I'm part time etc. So I just sat there awkwardly thinking "oh dp clearly thinks I'm a "dosser" ".
DP is a parent too but often has left their DC at home or got other people to pick their DD up which I don't have that support. Anyway that's just one example.
I didn't say anything whilst there because didn't want to make a scene in front of children.
I text DP when home to say how what they said upset me.
Immediately instead of acknowledging this, I've apparently not asked how DP is and I'm not caring. No apology etc.
It's this everytime I raise a point to DP about how their behaviour has upset me.

I'm just thinking back now about the past.

Another incident when we went on holiday. It was an amazing place. DP DD was running with my DS and pulling him along on a sledge. I asked her to slow down but she ignored and my DS went flying head first and hit his head on the ground. I ran over to check he was ok. He was dazed. DP also check to see if he was ok. DP DD then starts crying and causing a drama saying no one asked how she was and DP goes and cuddles her. We get back to the room and they both stop talking to me and DS. Complete silence, even though my DS haď just smacked his head on the floor. There's an uncomfortable atmosphere for a while.

On the same holiday was were getting on a coach. DS was in front of DP. DP barges his way past DS (who is quite small and young) and DS stumbles onto the floor. I stated can you not push DS please. DP then starts raising his voice "I did not push him, don't make out I did" everyone starts looking at us.

As I'm writing this it is sounds so bad and I think why did I put up with this behaviour and treatment. Especially involving DS. I'm angry at myself for not stopping it earlier

That is just so dreadful.
Your poor boy.
Please reflect and sit with those feelimgs that you stayed with him despite his unkindness to your child.
That really is awful.
Stop asking this horrible man how he is.
Your priority is your child and yourself and staying safe.
He is toxic.
No good person treats a child like that.

Pls do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you see this.

Read Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft.
Read Women who love too much.
These books should give you food for thought.

Just delete his number, you're not dating, and despise each other.

I've messaged him and ended it. He keeps trying to ring me though. I feel broken as a person atm. I'm not happy, feel low.
Feel like I always fail at relationships. I'm early 30s and this is my longest and that's 4 yrs. I don't want to model rubbish relationships to my DS.

You are doing the right thing.. 🌺

Well done OP. You have definitely done the right thing for both you and your son.

Can you make a list of things you could do, now that you don't have this joy sucker in your life? Hobbies, get fit, things to do with your son, things You want to save up for?

You’ve done the right thing . Stay strong.

You are modelling to your child that you don’t have to appease unkind bullies who push small children around.

You don’t need to be in a relationship at all if it’s not right for you and your family. You are enough.

The only important relationship right now is the one with your child . The sulky man will find someone else to grind down soon enough.

I did actually start making a list of all the things I can save for now to make our home better. Places I can go with my DS. Got fit again. I've let myself go and don't feel good about myself.

This is the hardest part. When I start feeling lonely I usually run back. I need to try stay strong

Thanks you're right my DS comes first and I shouldn't have put with how ex DP was

hugs

You've finally put yourself first. It will feel strange, uncomfortable and might make you feel upset as you've been conditioned to put yourself last. But you are worth it. Keep reminding yourself you weren't happy with the relationship and it was never going to get better only worse. He/the relationship was never going to change even if you turned yourself inside out to change the dynamics.

Allow yourself to be sad, grieve for what you had hoped it would be, but do not go back, there is no point except more heartache.

I haven't done well at relationships and I've finally accepted that I don't want to be with anyone (asexual maybe, trauma relates maybe?) And that's OK. You're modelling that you don't have to be with someone to be happy, you definitely don't have to settle for someone who is unkind.

Thought I'd update on here and ask for more advice.
Today I received an amazon parcel. I thought it was odd as I hadn't ordered anything. I opened the parcel and inside was a tennis racket with a note from ex saying fancy a game.
I've now come to realise that any time I've finished with him, he tries to buy my love or guilt me back into the relationship. I cried when I opened it because I felt guilty but also felt angry because I feel like you can't buy my love and guilt me into a relationship. Then he sends me a photo of a mystery night and says looks good, know that if I reply saying yea it does that he wouldn't probably book it so then I'm further guilted into "trying again"
I'm just feeling really angry. I've told him I can't accept the racket.

Then he sends me a photo of a mystery night
How can he send you a photo if he's blocked. I mean... surely you did the basics of ending an abusive relationship by blocking him on all platforms, which many posters told you to do so he couldn't reel you back in.

I've told him I can't accept the racket.
Why are you responding to him at all? You should have immediately blocked him and thrown the racket away.

You need to start taking some responsibility for your (in)actions here OP. Block him immediately. Throw any parcels or letters straight in the bin. Do not text, phone, WhatsApp, Snapchat AT ALL, no matter the provocation. Read up about lovebombing and how to avoid it (hint - block them). Abusive toxic men don't follow the same rules as normal men who stop communicating when you say it's over. Toxic men keep pushing your boundaries so it is up to you to take better precautions than only saying stop.

It's very difficult OP, but you must block him on everything. Say goodbye in your head and quietly do it x

Oh yes, the situation is all my fault...... and its my responsibility

Oh yes, the situation is all my fault...... and its my responsibility
It was your responsibility to ensure he couldn't contact you knowing that he would find some way to reel you back in. You admitted he has done that on numerous occasions before and you kept going back. If you want change then you need to start doing things differently from the past. Start with the easiest step of all. Blocking.

In wobbling and starting to miss ex. I think it's because u feel really lonely. I've been on some dating apps and it's dire. I'm thinking of the good times and need to try remember ex was not nice

Block the fucker, OP.
He is beginning what looks like a successful campaign to worm his way back into your head.
Remember the time he pushed in front of
Your little boy? And then shouted at you?
When his daughter hurt your boy and he was frosty with the poor lad and you?
Do you want that for him?

Why are you on dating apps?

You need to feel good about yourself before dating anyone else.

Jumping from one relationship to another is never healthy.

Before we split I booked rock climbing for DS. Ex then said why haven't you invited us and book on his DD. So Monday and Tuesday I'm probably going to have to see him 😫 really hoping he doesn't go

Change the day of your booking, or cancel. I know your ds may be disappointed but don't set yourself up like this.

No don’t invite them! Just block and go with your DS. Come on OP be strong x

These courses only happen in half term and he needs to do it so he can climb with his friend at weekends 😫

I didn't invite them they booked it for his DD when we were together. I didn't want them to come. It's so my DS can climb with his friend at weekends

Just ignore your ex if they turn up. If he approaches you, say once "leave us alone, if you don't I'm reporting you for harassment".

Get there early and speak to the staff and have a quiet word that your ex is being difficult and you think he will turn up.

Stay strong 💪