Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's time for central heating wars

45 replies

aurorabora24 · 13/10/2024 21:55

It's the time of the year where dh and I become locked in a battle over when to put the heating on. As yet it hasn't been on.

Our house is old and quite big and it always feels cold. We have an open fire in the main living room which is fine while we're in there but all of the bedrooms including kids rooms are cold at night and in the morning.

Dh doesn't feel the cold like me and doesn't want huge bills which I get but I'm sick of the constant debate over it. Dh pays the lions share of household stuff because he earns considerably more than me but we do go halves on gas and electric so I don't see why he gets the final say on it, I feel like I have to ask permission and argue the toss to feel warm in my own home.

It's not just the heating it's the fact he thinks he gets the final say. It pisses me off. And I don't think it's good for the kids or the house. The bedroom windows are all heavily condensated in the mornings and 'putting a jumper on' doesn't cut it.

I find myself fantasising about when I lived alone in my poky new build that was always warm and cosy and being able to put the heating on whenever I wanted. How can I put this across to him without it ending in loggerheads?

OP posts:
Original poster
aurorabora24 · 13/10/2024 22:12

Surely it can't just be me with a stingy warm blooded dh....

OP posts:
LittleMsSunny · 13/10/2024 22:15

Don't ask him or tell him just put the heating on.

GreatNorthBun · 13/10/2024 22:16

Have you tried, separately to any precipitating event, telling him this? As in saying how sad you feel about feeling cold and powerless in your home and how it makes you daydream about being on your own. Talking about the real impact on you - just honestly sharing the feeling without turning it around on him or accusing him of anything, but just sharing it. Sometimes this can really help.

Mybusyday · 13/10/2024 22:17

I'm completely with you on this one and I think your DH is being unreasonable. It's the same in my household - I feel like crying when I'm so cold but DH just doesn't feel the cold. The kids need a warm house though so maybe you can talk him round using the kids as a reason to put the heating on?

Original poster
aurorabora24 · 13/10/2024 22:18

I just feel really fucking fed up of him getting to decide this. Like eventually he will relent and put it on but only when he decides that the time is right.

I've explained how it makes me feel before and reminded him that I pay half towards this bill so should get a say. But it just ends in another row.

OP posts:
Mrsphilmiller · 13/10/2024 22:18

4 words!
He’s a little fucker!

Brainded · 13/10/2024 22:20

No I couldn’t deal with that…why does he feel like he gets the final say you ask? Because you let him! Tell him to get fucked!

Newcarforchristmas · 13/10/2024 22:21

Personally this will always be a hill I will die on, whether that’s right or wrong I frankly don’t care - I refuse to be cold when I don’t need to be!
At the end of the day, taking out bad financial situations that warrant stretching it out for as long as possible, you shouldn’t be cold in your home. It wouldn’t cross my mind to even ask my DH to put the heating on, and I know it doesn’t cross his mind because he put it on days ago and I only realised when I least against one of the radiators. Just put it on and if he complains say you don’t actually need his permission to do anything in your own home.

MrsForgetalot · 13/10/2024 22:21

It’s such a short sighted saving, with no thought to the long term effects that damp and cold have on your home and your health.

Can you do a comparison analysis for him of the cost of a divorce? Or just put the house up for sale (if he gets the final say on heating, it’s only fair that you get the final say on what you’re trying to heat)

Original poster
aurorabora24 · 13/10/2024 22:21

Brainded · 13/10/2024 22:20

No I couldn’t deal with that…why does he feel like he gets the final say you ask? Because you let him! Tell him to get fucked!

I could and I have 😂
I don't want to divorce him over it but it's really irritating and unfair.

OP posts:
Brainded · 13/10/2024 22:23

I’m not saying divorce him, I just mean tell him to fuck off and you’ll do what you like!!simple as, let him try to argue, try around and ignore him.

mitogoshigg · 13/10/2024 22:23

The easy solution, in my house at least, is I'm the only one who knows how to operate the central heating timer and therefore it's on when I want it - I'm the one who is always hot so therefore it's not on!

User1836484645R · 13/10/2024 22:24

My husband would probably never use the central heating if left to his own devices. However, I feel the cold and have reminded him of the benefits of a happy wife.

ThomussTank · 13/10/2024 22:27

I’d threaten to withhold my share of the payment if I was bloody freezing all the time. He’s being a tight-fisted selfish arse - he’s not living alone and has to compromise! Let him pay the entire thing if he’s calling the shots.

Growlybear83 · 13/10/2024 22:27

We've had our heating on for two or three weeks now. Like you, we've got a big draughty old house, but I refuse to be cold, even though my husband really moans about the bills.

Suzuki70 · 13/10/2024 22:30

It's part of house maintenance. How are you supposed to dry washing with no heating on? As far as I'm concerned it costs what it costs.

If he's going to be a petty little sod about it, tell him you'll put an extra 30 quid in.

Doubledded123 · 13/10/2024 22:33

Why be miserable cold ? Your poor kids. Tell him to f off.
I got rid of my moany dh
Now we live in a cosy house and it's bliss..... don't suffer the fool

JamMakingWannaBe · 13/10/2024 22:35

Buy a massive dehumidifier - "because you need to clear the condensation in the bedrooms". This will have the benefit of both pumping out warm air and reducing damp (and you may feel warmer if the air is not so damp) and making him realise he either needs to pay for gas heating or the lecci bills as a result of him not putting the heating on.

NunyaBeeswax · 13/10/2024 22:36

Ids either your home or it isnt.

If it isn't, leave to make one of your own.
If it is, put the heating on when you want, it's YOUR heating.

Gunz · 13/10/2024 22:36

So for me if the house drops to 17 it feel cold. I set the temp to around 19 and this seems to work for me. I measure the temp in the Kitchen, living room and conservatory. I only live with my Son so thankfully don't have a husband to have this debate with. Pretty sure health advice is to not let the house go below 17.

TotHappy · 13/10/2024 22:37

Is he too hot with the heating on or just tight with it?
I must admit I hate having the heating on for long, the dry air gives me headaches and the stuffiness makes me feel stifled. So I open all the windows to air it out! Grin and so the cycle continues...

Addictedtococacola · 13/10/2024 22:41

We play heating wars in our house. I'll turn the heating on and dd or dh will turn it off cause their to hot.

FrangipaniBlue · 13/10/2024 22:44

He shouldn't get the final say.

But.....

As another poster said, is he too hot or is it him being miserly?

If you're all sitting in t-shirts with the heating on and he's still too warm then I can understanding him saying no..... it's easier to keep warm by layering up and using blankets than it is to cool down once you're down to short sleeves.

But if you're all sitting with 5 layers on (him included) then it's just ridiculous and the heating needs to be on!

Whateveryouwant1 · 13/10/2024 22:47

Old house here and I think it's essential to have the heating on when it starts to get cold otherwise the walls get and stay cold and damp.
We don't have it high, just 17.5, and turned off at night but it keeps the chill off and the house warm.
Also install a wood burner, wayyy more efficient than an open fire