To be annoyed about Christmas?

[user2312]

I'm Spending Christmas with family 2 hours away this year. My partner has a child. He said he wanted to spend Christmas with me this year, Christmas Eve until Boxing Day and then would drive home and have his child for a couple of days. He's now said he doesn't think he can do that and would want to have his child Christmas night evening which I understand 100%, was always his idea not mine. But I'm annoyed now because I probably won't see him at all, AIBU to be annoyed?

Little bit yeah, although it’s a shame he didn’t think it through to start with so he didn’t mess you about.

I thought you were going to be away anyway?
I'd be annoyed at someone regularly changing plans, saying one thing and then doing another but I wouldn't be annoyed with him preferring to have his child.

Him wanting to have his child doesn't bother me, I always said all along about it but he pushed back about his child's a teenager etc they aren't as bothered. I'm annoyed he's just saying it like it's nothing and when it comes to me and seeing me doesn't seem fussed. Only told me when I mentioned it as he said he didn't know how to approach the topic.

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You aren’t annoyed because he’s seeing his child; you’re annoyed because he got your hopes up and now you aren’t having the lovely Christmas you thought you’d be having, even if you understand why. And, actually, are you even annoyed? Or just really disappointed?

You've hit the nail on the head, I'm disappointed because I was excited and had planned this Christmas in my head!
I've not got kids but I've always understood his child comes first etc and always thought of the child as much as him. I feel there's no appreciation for that or how I feel now. I just get told it's ages till Christmas we'll sort something out.

I’d view it as at least he’s seen sense, I mean who would do this, not see their own kid. Honestly I’d dump someone if they planned that, I’m shocked you were excited.

He wouldn't not be seeing his kid would he? He'd be having his child Boxing Day as plenty of parents do who aren't with the child's mother.

My issue isn't spending time with his child at Christmas. If anyone would have an issue with that then it would say alot about them!

His child has to and will always come first if you can't cope with that move on

Have you not read any of my posts? 🙄
I have no issue with it!!
I'm annoyed at him saying one thing doing another and wondering where I fit into seeing him at Christmas.

Honestly, I think if you choose to go away then you should expect he isn't going, when it comes to Christmas. I get that it was his idea , but didn't you think it was a terrible idea when he suggested it?

I wouldn't be very impressed with a man who chose not to have his child Christmas eve or Christmas night when he could.

It would be different if they had a set up where, he got Christmas eve/Christmas day handing over boxing day. Then the reverse the following year. But that's not the case here.

He had the opportunity and was going to choose to not have his child. It wouldn't have sat right with me when he first said it.

You fit in around his child and your trip.

I did yes but your DP was obviously trying to please everyone and realised that his DC was more of a priority and wants to spend Christmas with them which is understandable hence my below comment .

It is annoying when people change plans. It's especially annoying if it's at short notice. This is not short notice.

Maybe I didn't think about it him not having his child till Boxing Day as an issue as he made out it would be fine. Also this is only his second Christmas where his been split from his child's mom so no real arrangement has ever been made. Last year was the night of Christmas Eve till Christmas night evening.
I don't have kids so it's not as easy for me to relate but I do always think of his child as much and have always respected he comes first etc. no issue with that.
I'm just sad because I feel like I've been told what he thought I wanted to hear. I even suggested back then him coming with me Christmas Eve till Christmas afternoon. My family would do an earlier dinner etc then he could go back. When I suggested that again I don't think he wants to drive Christmas Day which is fair enough and I don't drive otherwise I would of said I'd go to my family Christmas Day. I just feel there's no compromise or thought for me.

Can't he come to your family with his child?
If this is a long term partner then this is your "step child".
So part of your family.

I get it's not short notice. I have said I get it I even said when first discussed I wouldn't mind, my issue now is when I ask when do I fit in his attitude is it's months away we'll figure it out. He also goes back to work day after Boxing Day.

His child is absolutely welcome.
However his child is being picked up Christmas night and due back Boxing Day night. So wouldn't work.

@user2312 it sounds like you will have to do what lots of people do - have your "Christmas Day" on a different day.
(which means you get 2 Christmas's....🙂)

Lots of people wouldn't want to drive 2 hours on Christmas day.

I think given he had his child Christmas eve and Christmas night last year was a tip off that he would have the child Christmas night.

The compromise would be both of you putting yourself out. You cab see him before you go and you can come back day after boxing day and spend some Christmas time together. Around work.

Yes he has his child to consider. But you have also chosen to go away. So how it's falling is due to both of you.

He's only been split from the child's mum less than two years?

Assuming you’re still quite young, you’d be better off finding someone who doesn’t have ‘baggage’.

when I ask when do I fit in his attitude is it's months away we'll figure it out.

Then what did you say back to him?

If planning is important to you and it isn't to him you need to make that clear to him. "Listen it seems like you want to work it out closer to the time but that doesn't really work for me. How about we do XYZ at Christmas? Or is it that you don't want to spend time with me at Xmas as if that's the case I'd like to know that from now"

He’s given you almost three months notice. You are being childish and unreasonable. Your responses on here are childish and argumentative. Very me me me.

I wonder if this is the only time he is indecisive, even if it is 10 or 11 weeks away, or does not think of practicalities.