To be annoyed about Christmas?

[user2312]

I'm Spending Christmas with family 2 hours away this year. My partner has a child. He said he wanted to spend Christmas with me this year, Christmas Eve until Boxing Day and then would drive home and have his child for a couple of days. He's now said he doesn't think he can do that and would want to have his child Christmas night evening which I understand 100%, was always his idea not mine. But I'm annoyed now because I probably won't see him at all, AIBU to be annoyed?

I didn't really say anything back. I'm just going to do my thing now and he can do his.

It's not all me me me. But I do think i deserve to be considered or appreciated, is that so bad?

No he's like it a lot. Feel like I plan organise most things. Reading myself write this I feel a bit of a mug to be honest

Honestly I think MN has convinced me that Christmas just shouldn’t happen . The amount of distress, and upset, and disappointment, and tears and falling out that happens over Christmas arrangements is phenomenal.

It’s supposed to be a happy time, but I think the reality is that with so many divorces and second families and MILs who insist on making heartbreakingly disappointing gravy EVERY YEAR!!! and SILs who decide to drop their babies at the wrong moment so she can’t host ( and on … and on …and on) it’s all become too much for everyone .

MILs who insist on making heartbreakingly disappointing gravy EVERY YEAR!!!

🤣

So the actual issue is that he doesn't want to drive on Christmas day, meaning you're less important than alcohol

Nothing to do with the kid at all.

This is only the second Christmas since he split with the child's mother so you haven't been together very long.
I think you are expecting too much for this stage in the relationship.
Perhaps he felt like he had to say he would go with you to your family. It's not great that he said he would go and now he's changed his mind, but it's over 2 months away so it's not like he dropped it on you at the last minute.
His child should always come first and if you don't like it you should move on and find someone who doesn't have a child.

He was trying to please everyone and realised that he simply couldn't. It happens. I've done it myself. Also, he hasn't been divorced long and arrangements for his son are fairly new to him. He hasn't found a balance yet and he wants to do the right thing by his child - which is good. Even though you say you understand, I don't think you really do OP.

You sound very young Op. As an older woman I would say the following things to you

1. Learn to drive. Its the most important test you will ever pass.
2. There are many, many men in the world. It is absolutely possible to find one without so much baggage.Single men with children generally fall into 2 categories. The ones who ignore their existing children, have more with the next girlfriend, split with her and repeat the endless cycle. Or the ones who put their children first which means you,as a childless girlfriend , will always,always come second. Find yourself a single man who doesn't have children it's makes for a much easier life.

Your right I don't fully understand as I don't have kids but I've always understood kids come first and respected that.
I'm just annoyed he said what he thought I wanted to hear. I had no issue in spending it apart it was all his idea and him pushing it on me to do the original so naturally I'm disappointed. He's not divorced yet but is nearly.

To make it clear I have no issue with the kid or him spending time with him.
My issue is him not thinking how it's made me feel or not making an effort for me when I've had too for him and his life