To sometimes feel my kids are odd according to here?

[Aremykidsweird]

MN …

✔️ After a day at nursery / preschool / school they are too exhausted to do anything. All they want to do is chill.

❌ absolutely not, not tired in the slightest and will happily keep going

✔️ Just do a picnic tea! They love it and it’s easier for you!

❌ Cheese trampled into the floor, crisps eaten and everything else ignored, cherry tomatoes on furniture, I’ll stick to my home made cottage pie!

✔️ get your toddlers to help with the chores!

❌ no. Never ever ever again.

(this is lighthearted before anyone starts. But seriously, am I the only one who finds the MN way is not really rooted in realism?)

Baking - my daughters had zero interest in helping. One actually said I’ll help eat it when I suggested she could decorate a cake I had made.

Yes I agree. The thing that gets me is the enjoyment of a lazy relaxing day at home that other mumsnetters seem to have.

The reality of a day at home for me is having to be a constant entertainer and continually cleaning up small messes that have been made e.g playdoh detritus, and the second I attempt to sit down and relax someone will inevitably need something until I eventually cave in and allow some screen time. Nothing about this is lazy or relaxing.

See also spending time outside whatever the weather...

Why not get a sandpit? That will use up a couple of hours. all of 5 minutes

All children are different - YANBU. Just enjoy them as they are they're only little for a VERY short time. BTW the picnic thing made me laugh - had exactly the same experience at a friend's house. She was in her late 40's single, no DCs (&, she tells me a virgin), my DS totally wrecked her picnic idea. 😨

Yes! The more DS does the more energy he gets. He does 3 activities and an after-school club, gets up at 6 no matter what time he goes to bed and doesn't stop all day. Weekends are far more tiring than work.

I suspect he'll be one of those adults who arrives at work having already done a 10k.

I think that it's perfectly ok to like different things, to react in different ways, and to find different things challenging, and it's good not to take a light hearted view at times!
Do what works for you and yours. 😬

get your toddlers to help with the chores!

Funny story:

I was a single mum, DS aged about 3/4. I woke up in the middle of the night to hear the vacuum cleaner downstairs. In my sleepy state my first thought was that I had burglars, but then quickly decided that burglars don't vacuum. Went downstairs to find DS merrily vacuuming the living room. I was sorely tempted to give him a cloth & a bottle of Cif & invite him to clean the kitchen & bathroom as well - but obviously didn't 😂

They’re all different. You only have to be an expert in parenting your kids. Do whatever works for them and YOU.

All these after school activities would make my kids miserable but yours might thrive.

so you're surprised that....other people's children are different to yours?

Children are as varied in their tastes and habits as adults, why would that come as a shock?

I'm a lazy fucker and once I come in from work just want to collapse and chill for 5, DP 'resets' by exercising and is always doing stuff from morning to about 9pm when he suddenly conks out, whereas I'm a night owl who will be wide awake for another 4 hours but will have taken ages to get going in the morning. Why is it so unbelievable that kids might be the same. Some of my friends have kids who are zonked out exhausted after school, some are hyper from a day of playing with their friends.

Same with the food, it can vary between kids. Some prefer actual meals, others can't concentrate sitting at the table for an extended period, or like to be able to pick at things and come back for more without the pressure of a full plate. Actually it can vary in the SAME kid, aged 2 my DS would eat cherry tomatoes, sweet peas and cucumber like they were sweeties, he'd actually choose them over chocolate buttons so at that age a 'picky tea' was ideal - aged 4 he's a fussy little bugger who won't touch them so I have to try and hide veg in mash and sauce etc.

Just because those tips don't work for your children doesn't mean they aren't "rooted in realism"

After a couple of baking days I said never again. It did not live up to expectations.

Are you doing a picnic tea on a picnic blanket rather than just picnic type food at the table?! I think that might be where you're going wrong with that one!

But, yes, all kids are different. Those things are true/work for some people but not all people. It's a mistake to think that any advice here (or anywhere) applies to everyone equally.

My daughter slept way less than you are told babies/toddlers will sleep. And she never liked craft activities, HATED jigsaws, stuff like that. So in reality yes, she watched a fair bit of TV I am afraid. Not 24/7 by any means, we both made an effort to do other stuff with her, but definitely more screen time than I planned on when i had a child!

I also tried to teach her to read before school using phonics but turns out she is dyslexic so phonics don't work for her. Tho it was clear she was a bright child (great vocab etc) my efforts didn't engage her at all, they made us both miserable.

As soon as she started reception she taught herself to read, with more or less no external help, through word recognition. Same had happened to me - I was behind the rest of the class in reading for ages, then suddenly got hold of some books I liked and it took off. Ended up reading English at Oxford, etc etc.

My daughter is now coming top in English exams at her selective private school (she has a scholarship, but also I know we are VERY privileged) so all the screen time, and not knowing how to read when she started school, it didn't harm her.

And for that reason I am always wary of any generalisations about the "right" way to raise kids. (Apart from the obvious - they need to be safe, well fed, loved and happy).

@1offnamechange I think you missed the light hearted bit they put in the post...

Agree with you. And even as an adult the whole ‘flop and chill’ thing gives me the ick. Some of us relax via active relaxation. Going from work to sofa is recipe for a crap night’s sleep. Going via the pool/run helps clear my head, burn off steam and keep healthy. The kids are the same. And hate fussy food. Bring on a cottage pie!!!!

Oh god, craft.
5 mins set up
1 min crafting
1 hour cleaning up and bathing paint slathered child

DS likes the idea of baking. He wanders off halfway through meauring out the 4 ingredients... it's taken him to 11 to last as long as mixing!

Neither liked muddy puddles either.

Some people on Mn are very low-energy, with low-energy children. Others aren’t. This isn’t wildly surprising, surely?

DS sea fishing with father: get dinghy into water, row out into middle of loch, get out rods, fish 10mins, “can we go home”.

School essay on “my favourite activities” “fishing with my father”

1. length of participation bears no relationship to amount of effort/preparation

2. children’s “memories” are entirely unpredictable. “Making memories” is hit and miss at best.

I think we notice the posters doing different things to us more than those following a similar routine. I’ m the opposite to you OP in that I think MN is full of kids who do six instruments and afterschool / nursery activity everyday which my DD would have a melt down on preferring to chill with her toys. Whatever works though - there’s no ‘right’ way.

It's not about not believing kids are different - it's just said with such authority. E.g. Your child will come home knackered when they start reception, or they will sleep through the night if you stop breastfeeding on demand. Or when you're out and about and someone says "Ooh, he'll need an early night!" when DS is tearing about! If anything these are the people who think their experience is universal.

"Don't get a trampoline, it will be used t once for 5 mins"

Trampoline nearing end of life after being used every week, summer or winter, for past 7 years

Long days out - kids bored, traffic terrible, expensive food. Far happier in the garden, local park, bike to local cafe, playing out with friends

My kids are absolutely knackered after school and basically need the weekend to recover. Each to their own

If my toddler comes home from pre-school regulated and relatively calm, I’m happy. He’s autistic so not a lot of imitation around here, but he seems interested in what I’m making to eat these days, so might try encourage him to put his own cheese on pizza. Everything is called ‘pizza’ ‘toast’ or ‘pasta’. If I don’t strap him into the high chair he is whizzing down the hallway with a mouth full of food.

No naps anymore and he takes an absolute age to go to sleep. We call him the Duracell bunny.

Well all kids and families are different. Obviously.
Some will be tired after school, some will not. Some people will find snacks for tea easier, some will not.
Other people’s reality will be different to yours. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yep my kids were never tired. It's worked out well though. We get full value out of any day out.

My dcs are all grown up now.
What I absolutely wish I had done differently is not having people over as much.
Especially family.
I wish I hadn’t given a what they thought.
I wish I had not provided a 5 star food and drinks package.
What worked better for me was going out of the house. Anywhere where the dcs were happy. That could be the seaside, a theme park, or even just a park or wood.
We all enjoyed it and it made me feel so much better than being in the house cooking and cleaning.qzz xxx