Why do so many women put up with crap?

[lifeiscomplicated2025]

Is it just me or is anyone else sick of stories of DH is not doing this or that then wondering why people put up with it?

Because women are far too quick to throw their independence away and become dependent on men so often become financially trapped and vulnerable.

Because they would rather have children with useless men than not have children at all.

Yep it's mug behaviour and a bad example to children to put up with a useless man.

Because leaving is often a complicated thing that may take a fair bit of cash on hand that they don't have- or supportive friends/ family in a position to help- or a high income - a lot of this relates to housing and the current mess it is

maybe its a case of picking their battles?

@Greywarden has nailed it. I would also add:

a. A lot of women stay for financial reasons because they don’t have their own money. Often because the arsehole man in question has persuaded them that they don’t need to work and should spend all their time catering for his needs. Which is why it’s so important not to give up your job even if you are married.

b. Society still hammers into women almost from birth that they have no value if they aren’t attached to a man. The force with this one is still incredibly strong. An awful lot of women will cling to the wreckage of a dreadful relationship rather than be single.

When kids are involved and they're just shit partners and dads, I think it's probably from a historical imbalance ie the woman doing Women's Work in the relationship well before becoming pregnant. I imagine it'd be really difficult to then break that cycle and then they end up with an incompetent co parent. Unfortunately, I've encountered women who still don't see it for what it is and make excuses like "Oh they're just so scared of newborns" - then they never learn how to settle their children from young and it's the mother's job to do bed time and wake ups forever. 🤷‍♀️

I think they stay because they think things will improve (however futile as many don't seem to ever give them the kick up the arse they require for change to happen); they don't want to break up a family despite being unhappy and dysfunctional and both being terrible role models for impressionable DC; sometimes women are dependent financially on partners after motherhood.

I also think for far too much of society men being incompetent is a bit of a cliche and just something to roll one's eyes at as in "What is he like feeding our toddler this for dinner?!" Whereas a woman would be called neglectful.

'I also think for far too much of society men being incompetent is a bit of a cliche and just something to roll one's eyes at as in "What is he like feeding our toddler this for dinner?!" Whereas a woman would be called neglectful.'

This. I hate hearing women joke about men's incompetence as if it's a funny anecdote. It gives men carte blanche to continue being useless because no expectations of them being a functioning adult are placed on them.

We are bred to do this - it is our superpower. 😀

I'm certainly sick of hearing about all these terrible husbands. I hate to think so many women are being treated so badly. But, no. I don't wonder why they put up with it, because I know there are countless reasons and that it will one of them. Any thought I put into it is usually focused on whether I can offer them any support or advice.

To many women sacrifice their financial independence and stability, and then can't see a way to leave. The bar for men is so low, and I think we've got generations of women who instead of thinking they can be anything think they should be everything, which gives men the space to be nothing or only what they want.

Men are 100% responsible for the shitty way many of them treat their wives however women have to take some responsibility for the choices that they make. Many women marry men who were obviously dickheads and then end up shackled to them when children arrive.

Depressing and it makes me so furious. MN should be compulsory reading for teenage girls. Life lessons and how to avoid a lifetime of regret (and abuse and in some cases, death)

Parents are the best role models any child can have, parents who put their own needs before their child's is the ones who need to look at what they are doing to their children

MN really shouldn't be compulsory reading. It's horrible lately. There is a lot of sensible advice but there are also a hell of a lot of bitter, nasty people. And many disingenuous people who claim they would LTB at the slightest indiscretion ( they wouldn't but they say it to seem superior). MN is not real life, it's a bunch of people on the internet. Some with good morals and intentions, others not so much.