Do you drink in front of your dc?

[Nowandforeveridontcare]

I’m likely in peri menopause so barely drink these days as it’s not worth feeling unwell for, but recently I’ve been craving having a drink say on a Friday or Saturday night, like Dh and I used to, pre Dd.
If I meet up with friends for parties, I’ve had a glass of champagne or two, the kids don’t notice or bother to see as they’re off playing, Do you sit and have a drink in front of your dc? As in a Friday night watching tv etc?
I grew up with my dad being a big drinker, I remember the horrible feeling I’d have when he came home on a Saturday after a session with my uncles, I hated the way it changed him, even if he was just being silly, it made me feel insecure, I vowed never to drink when older, but went the other way for a while. When my parents come to stay, I’ve still made it a non drinking house, which probably sounds ridiculous, but the atmosphere changing when my dad has had a drink is not great for my anxiety and now it’s my house and I’m an adult and don’t want Dd around that. I also now hate Dh getting too tipsy at home or coming home like that. Recently I’ve been thinking maybe I need to lighten up a bit and relax and it might help me be me again a bit, like before I had Dd (6)
Do you do that or no drinking?

I sometimes have a glass of wine at family dinner at the weekend, and I will drink when we go to restaurants or friends/family gatherings in front of them. They are 6. They probably see me drink once a month ish.

My dad was an alcoholic.

We do - on the weekends, and when we go out as well. Don’t think the children think it’s weird or nothing like that.

This seems like a bizarre attitude to me. People enjoy the taste of a glass of wine or whatever. Why should this change when you are past your 20s? It’s not all about getting wasted and going out on the pull like stereotypical uni students. Though you are still entitled to do on occasion even if you are older.

I can't even imagine a life where DCs never see their parents with a drink.

The only ones I knew like that were ex alcoholics.

My parents had a glass of wine with dinner every night.

I'd never seen my dm drunk though. My dad maybe a bit tipsy at Xmas/NYE/ after the very occasional pub visit.
Mi do t think there's any need to be so puritanical about it. But I understand you sound traumatised from growing up with an alcoholic so that's different.

I grew up with alcoholic parents, so I share the complex feelings about it. I am happy for DC to see me modelling a healthy, occasional relationship with alcohol.

I don't drink much but I would absolutely have wine when I go out for dinner or when guests stay.

I've never thought of it as a 'bad example', whereas I definitely would never smoke in front of them (or let them know that I smoked throughout my 20s).

I understand where you are coming from though OP. I think, for you, it isn't alcohol itself, its the association it has for you and the bad memories it evokes. There is an elderly person in my family who I would NEVER offer a drink to as they get drunk and I don't like it.

Because of seeing people drink too much when growing up, and because another family member becomes aggressive when drinking I feel very uneasy with drunk people. I am afraid of their unpredictability.

If you don't want to offer alcohol in your own home, then I think you have valid reasons not to do so.

But if you feel like a glass of wine while watching a movie on the tv then do that. You mentioned that previously you drank a lot. I don't know if you are implying that you had a problem, in which case then I wouldn't start drinking at all.

Otherwise though its fine as long as there is always another adult in the house who can drive in the event of an emergency with one of the children.

@Wishingplenty

what?

I drink when I feel like it, I enjoy it, what more 'need' is there?? Why 20? I'm 55, why shouldn't I enjoy it??

@Nowandforeveridontcare I'm sorry about your Dad, no wonder you feel the way you do, but it's perfectly normal to drink at home, whether your kids are there or not. Your DD isn't going to feel like you did, because you haven't given her reason to. If you act like your Dad did then you need to stop drinking entirely!

@Grabyourpassportandmyhand Only in my teens and early twenties did I drink a lot and it wasn’t great. I’m not a good drunk. I knew my limit since then and just drank a few glasses at the weekend, it’s been years and years since I did that

@AFlashOfLight Whereabouts are you?

😂

Yes, occasionally I drank too much but I've brought it back down to a healthier level. I don't think they notice a bottle of wine, if I go out with friends and get drunk they think it's great fun.

Some of my family members are recovering alcoholics.

I have hardly had a drink and started in my mid-20s, get instantly bloated and so tired even from half a glass. Never been drunk in my life.

Now I’m a mum, I don’t drink at all and alhavent for years. DH may have the odd beer but he drinks away from the house but he is sensible about it too. I have no issues.

I think if the approach to alcohol is sensible and not scary to anyone, it’s ok. Some posters wrote how they dreaded family members changing after a few drinks, and I know what that’s like. I think if there are other family members concerned and then there’s a defensive attitude from the drinker, then that’s a problem. The drinker may not realise it at that time. I think it can be a slippery slope.

I have regularly had a glass of wine in the presence of Dc.
Not enough to get drunk but enough to enjoy nice wine with food.
Civilised.
Never occurred to me not to.
But then I didn’t grow up with alcohol being a problem in the home.
They are young adults now and not emotionally scarred or problem drinkers.

This - I never get drunk and drink a glass of wine very rarely but it has never crossed my mind to hide it from dc.

DH hardly ever drinks and I do so rarely. We realized that DD was getting some strange ideas about alcohol so I have made a conscious effort to have the occasional drink at home. Just one and not too often. I am trying to model that alcohol can be consumed in moderation and on occasion. I don’t want DD thinking that binge drinking is acceptable or that alcohol has to be an all or nothing habit. The last thing I want is for her to abstain because she views it as bad until one day she tries it and then goes crazy.

We used to drink in front of them quite regularly but not get drunk. Share a bottle of wine or have a cocktail 2 or 3 times a week, drink beer if watching a game, etc. but we noticed the kids getting quite focused on it and often asking for a taste/prtend to try and nick our glass etc. So we stopped drinking in front of them except on special occasions. We’d drink after they’d gone to bed instead.

We weren’t super strict about it. Still had a bottle of wine with special meals or the like, but no regular drinking around them. As the kids got older we became more relaxed (but also, we drink less anyway because it has more negative impact now we’re older). They are of an age now where there is often alcohol at parties so don’t want it all to be a mystery to them at home or for them to feel like they can’t tell us if they’ve got drunk and it’s caused problems. They still seem a bit keen on/fascinated by the image around drinking, but aren’t keen on alcohol itself. One DD has an obsession with mocktails. Not sure if that will last, though.

I don't drink very often, but I don't see anything wrong with having a couple of glasses of wine in front of your kids.

Growing up my parents had a cask of wine in the fridge and had a glass of wine with most meals. There was also beer drunk at casual gatherings. My dad gave me a sip of beer a number of times as a young child (I hated it!). I barely drink now I’m an adult.

I think if people are drinking moderate amounts of alcohol around children and not drinking and driving it’s fine to model wine drunk responsibly. French children drink wine from a young age and most of them don’t end up as raging alcoholics.

Sometimes making things out to be forbidden just makes them more tempting. My parents were super strict about food, especially junk food when I was growing up and I went a bit nuts with ‘bad’ food once I had my own money and transport.

I’m too tired to bother with alcohol much but I don’t see the harm in one or two drinks once or twice a week.
My parents used to have a wine or two on a Saturday, they never hid it but never got passed a glass and a half. They’d have a drink on holiday, at restaurants or at social events. They never got drunk (infront of us anyway), so it never bothered me.
It was actually pretty good to see when I reached late adolescence and my friends were getting very intoxicated as I knew you could have alcohol sensibly.

My parents would only ever have one drink at home when we were children and not every night. I think it’s important to model what a healthy relationship with alcohol looks like as it inevitably will be part of their adult lives.

Yes, a glass of wine with dinner, G&T occasionally, or a bottle of beer.

Never more than one drink, and never without a meal.

Yes, often have wine in the evenings. Kids grew up without any alcohol problems or strange ideas about drinking.

lol

Yes. We often have wine with meals. DH likes beer so we would often have a pint in a country pub after a walk. I like a G&T. The DC have always seen us drink. Less now as I don't like the buzz, but I still like the taste.

DC are now 25 and 21 and are not big drinkers. My observation is that their generation don't seem to drink as much as previously. DS25 doesn't finish wine at dinner; DD21 is still a student but drinks a lot less than we did at at University.

I grew up with DM and grandparents who rarely drank at all. My drinking habits were influenced by my friends not family.