To have gender euphoria?

[onionsandcarrot]

When I see posts about gender disappointment everyone always quickly reassures the OP that they will get over it quickly.

I am not actually sure that this is always the case.

But I am wondering if this automatically goes the other way, if you get the gender you wanted if the buzz wears off.

(and yes I know. Sex not gender. But I am not having a post titled sex euphoria.)

I wanted a daughter in the mix, and our first 2 were girls. No 3 10 years later, dh really wanted a boy but is very sensible and wanted a healthy third child first. So daughter 3 came along. It was a terrible birth and touch and go for both us. We counted our blessings at 3.
However, now they are all grown up, I do picture what our Son might have been like and think that would have added something into the family

I would've been over the moon with either a boy or a girl because I just wanted a healthy baby. We thought we'd have a boy because there's just so many in the family (there hadn't been a girl in my family since me so 30 years, and my partner's family for over 50 years!) So we were amazed when we were told we were having a girl.

I must admit I cried with joy when I had my first baby, and she was a girl. (DH punched the air too, as he was also wanting a girl!)

We were equally as delighted when baby No 2 was a girl too. Never wanted boys. Don't want to explain on here why we both wanted girls, as it's way too complicated, but yeah for sure, I am verrrry happy with 2 daughters. And as I said, so is DH. 😊

Don't ask what would have happened/how we would have reacted if our DC had been boys, because I don't have an answer. They were girls, so it's irrelevant.

I think it is relevant actually because they easily couldn’t have been, and it is that question, the ‘what if I didn’t get what I wanted’ that haunts me to a certain extent.

I wanted a child but only this child … it isn’t a nice thing to admit.

Oh grow up. Of course I know my child is biologically a female. In every other way he is a boy. The thread is about gender euphoria. Not biological sex euphoria. My experiences raising a trans child who identifies as male are different to those who are raising a female child.

I'm honestly interested. How exactly is your biologically female child in every way a boy? What makes you and your child think they are a boy?

@KnackeredandWiser I’m guessing…Short hair? Flannels and jeans? Likes video games? Oh crap, I’m a boy! 😮

Quite probably. And also perhaps being very uncomfortable with what puberty will do to her body. And the thing is that nobody enjoys puberty. It's horrible. I was wearing a bra aged 11, and had started my periods, and I was mortified. But thankfully nobody back in the 1970s was telling me that I might be a boy because I hated all that and preferred playing football, bloody loved motor sports and didn't want to wear dresses. It didn't make me a boy. I was a girl who didn't conform to what people thought a girl should like. My DM still remembers my absolute disgust one Christmas morning when my 'big present' was a pram and a doll. I absolutely hated it. I wanted a train set. And I got one the next year. I still have it and still love it.

It's like we've regressed. Girls can be girls and like things that aren't traditionally girly. It doesn't mean they are boys. And equally boys can like things that aren't traditionally boyish and it doesn't make them girls. Toys are toys FFS!

I won’t take the bait and derail the whole thread with a debate on how you think my child should or shouldn’t be allowed to identify. You are entitled to your opinions, I won’t be drawn into an argument about it.

I am not a parent who ever expected this and I’ve spent years coming to terms with it. All I know is my child is 100x happier now, no longer depressed and self harming. If gender affirming care is what he needs to be happy it is what he will get from me :)

Yes with my first baby I wanted a girl and when I found out she was a girl at the scan I was literally walking on air. So was my mum. I felt so lucky that she was healthy and a girl. My second I wanted another girl and got another girl. Felt like I’d won the lottery twice. I’m sure it’s probably more the norm to want one of each but I didn’t and was elated. Still am really

I have one girl and two boys. Absolutely thrilled with them all equally.
I'm not a particularly "girly 🤢" girl so didn't need a mini me to do make up with. DH was also delighted with what we have and neither of us would have been bothered to get three of the same. I think it's very damaging if children find out they weren't the desired sex. That's just one of the reasons I hate gender reveals.

I didn’t mind first time - getting and staying pregnant took 4 years so I was bloody delighted either way and thrilled to have a healthy baby girl when she arrived. When finally pregnant again, another several years later, I did have a (unsaid) preference for another girl for practical reasons (sharing a bedroom). They are now both absolutely kick-ass, love rugby, climbing, biking. I’m not into spa days and painted nails so I love having two strong, adventurous girls who can hold their own.

I’m glad your child is happier and no longer self-harming, it’s just a sad reflection that she couldn’t feel happy and non self-harming as a girl. Not blaming you or her, this world is f’ed up for girls.

Am still excited to have a girl. Would have been disappointed to have all boys.

I wanted a girl and thought I was having a girl. I just KNEW. I knew the baby would be a girl lol.

Had our 20wk scan, realised baby was a boy, and was absolutely over the moon. Euphoric doesn't even come close. Just so thrilled beyond belief to find out something about this baby I was so incredibly grateful to be carrying. I loved him so much more instantly, if that was even possible, and several years later I'm still over the moon to have my beautiful boy.

I would have been happy with any baby, but deep down I wanted a girl and once I was pregnant I straight away knew it was a girl.

I love having a daughter and don't want any more children. I have no desire to have a boy at all. If I did get pregnant again, I'd want another girl!

It sounds awful but every time I see boys in public being stereotypical boys, cannonballing about with zero regard for other people who might be in their path, I think, "Thank God I don't have one of them!" I know lots of parents have lovely, well-behaved, respectful boys who don't act that way, but there is a marked difference between how girls and boys play as a whole group. I don't know if it's nature or nurture and I'm not inclined to put it to the test.

I am sure if she had have been a boy I'd have loved him just the same, but I think I'd have still wanted a girl and may have had more children in the hope I'd have a girl.

So I suppose that yes, 5 years from my 20 week scan, I still feel quite euphoric about having a girl.

Thank you. Honestly, I would never have chosen this path for my child and I wish they felt happy in their own skin as the road ahead will be so much harder now. They will always have my unconditional love and support whatever lies ahead.

This really resonates with me. I never wanted children; I wanted ONE child only, of a specific sex. That was what I imagined for myself for as long as I can remember.

It is nothing to do with unicorns or cowboys or any other gendered shite. Could explain, but not worth it here where posters are so unsympathetic to gender disappointment.

I fell pregnant first with a child of the sex I didn’t want. Honestly, while I love them deeply now, it affected my bond with them. Felt utterly depressed throughout pregnancy, had severe PND. Child has severe, life-limiting disabilities too and the complex feelings around that became very mixed up with my gender disappointment from the start.

I felt like I had the “wrong” baby for more than a year. I woke up each day feeling like I was living someone else’s life. That faded with time, but I know it would always be in the background if I never got the sex I had originally envisioned.

I am now about to give birth to child of sex I wanted and it’s been a really different experience so far. The idea of having more than one child is still a little strange to me, but I can’t see the euphoria wearing off.

NC for this as I expect people to be brutal about this, as they usually are on here. I cannot help how I feel though. All I can do is try my best to make sure it doesn’t show.

I wanted a boy for my first, and I did and he is a proper little lad. I come from a girl heavy family so it was nice to have a change. For our second I really don’t mind, either would be nice. It’d be interesting more than anything to have a girl just to see how it’s different. But I’m not super girly, so wouldn’t care if I had a girl that didn’t fit into a gender stereotype.

It was honest and brave and I sort of relate.

If anyone had asked me when I was pregnant with my first child if I had a preference I'd probably have said that I didn't mind that much but that ideally I'd like one of each. I don't have brothers but based on my friends' experience, I thought it would be better to have the boy first, so I probably had a slight preference for a boy.

When my daughter was born, I immediately knew that a girl was exactly what I wanted. Second time around, again I truthfully said I didn't mind, and when she was born, again I knew that I was delighted to have another girl.

So yes, I probably had gender euphoria on both occasions and I am still pleased to have two girls (now in their twenties). But I have no doubt that had I had a boy on either occasion, I would have felt that having a boy was exactly what I wanted!

I won't judge as you say this is how you feel and it is very honest of you to say.

But would you genuinely say then that you favour your child of the sex you wanted compared to your first child?

And also did you specifically choose to have a second child because you were unhappy with your first?

Genuinely curious

@StressedQueen its hard to be honest when I’m not always honest with myself as some things are unthinkable so you don’t think them.

I will say that if someone had told me a second child would have been another boy without a shadow of a doubt I don’t think I’d have opted to have another. That doesn’t mean a second boy wouldn’t have been loved. It’s very hard to explain. and I imagine I’d have come round to it and accepted and enjoyed it. But I did want a girl so very badly.

I haven’t given birth to my second child yet (due v soon) so I can’t say if I will favour them. I will of course do my utmost not to. I have felt completely different about the pregnancy though.

I did choose to have a second child because my experience with the first has not been what I wanted. As I say my feelings about the sex have been very mixed up with the child’s other issues so it’s hard to say exactly why that is.

I do not believe many parents would be happy with their only experience of having a child being like the one I have had. Parenting my child has little in common with parenting an abled, or even less severely disabled child, from what I can see. It’s largely about managing medical need. They will never speak to me, or have a job, or live alone. The bond is there, the intense happiness at their smile, but it’s not what people think of when they think of parenting. Would never say this aloud, of course.

Having said all that, I did immediately decide to have another baby as soon as I found out the sex of my first, before I knew the extent of the other challenges. So the sex is certainly a factor too.

I have not even said any of this to my partner.

That is really brave to say and I can honestly understand that. Never experienced it myself but raising a disabled child must be so difficult.