AIBU to hate my birthday?

[SantasRubiksCube]

I told DH that this year I didn't want to do anything for my birthday, every year it's a day I just hate and can't wait for it to be over. He still took the kids to get me cards and presents which I appreciate and will be happy to open (more for the kids sake if anything) but so far today all DH has gone on about is how I'm being miserable and that he wants me to enjoy my birthday.....I haven't enjoyed my birthday for years, hence why I didn't want to bother with it this year. Every year for DHs birthday he gets to go out for a nice lunch/meal where the kids are well behaved and everyone has a nice time plus I usually arrange something for the evening for us to do just me and him (just going to the cinema or something but means a little break from the kids). My birthdays over the last few years have consisted of washing vomit off of bedsheets when DC have been ill while DH has stayed in bed, leaving restaurants early because DC were arguing/misbehaving and DH was moaning about the price of everything, spending the day doing everything in the house and with the kids cos he spends that day being particularly incompetent etc. it just always seems to turn into a day I never enjoy. I'm not trying to be a misery guts but AIBU to think either he could actually put the same effort into my birthday as I do for his so I actually enjoy it or respect my wishes when I say I don't want to do anything for it?

Can you have a full day out with a friend so you can enjoy it?
Open your presents with the kids & then disappear. Leave him to enjoy parenting solo & deal with everything

It’s not your birthday you don’t like. It’s your relationship and having to parent. Just communicate with your OH, if he remains hopeless, then simply have a day out with a friend and leave him to cope. Couple of times like this, and the penny might drop.
Some people (and I don’t just mean men) are absolutely useless at organising anything. So if you end up choosing poorly, you have to be prepared to do things for yourself, either take on the arrangements, or go it alone for the day. As long as your children are safe, it’s not a crime to have the occasional well communicated day off.

Difficult. I think you need to be clear about what you want. I hate my birthday and always have done I have pared it down over the years and now it is exactly what I want, an entirely unmarked ordinary day. DC don't even know what date it is.

So if that's what you really want it's 100% fine to enforce. But if what you actually want is more fuss and better treatment you have to say that. Otherwise you'll get nothing and just resent that.

In this circumstance I would just take myself off for the day. If your dh doesn't want to do nice stuff for you, do it for yourself.

Thanks for the replies, I'm aware I'm coming off as a bit of a brat 😂 I think the thing that annoys me is that his birthday always seems to go great and smoothly, whereas mine always seems to be the day where everything is just abit shit so I thought well this year I just want to ignore it and treat it as another day and DH is going on about I'm being miserable by not wanting to do anything

Nope it's exactly what I expected thank you 😁

Get out of the house alone, get yourself a treat go for lunch with a friend . It's not your birthday you don't like it's your husbands incompetence, and for his next birthday just don't make arrangements.

But how is it that the children always behave well at his birthday meals and never for yours?

I think in your shoes I would take the children and DH out of the equation and go away overnight for my next birthday. I would rent a tiny cabin by the sea that I sometimes go to, and retreat there with books, some beautiful food, and a good bottle of wine. Walk in the daytime if weather permitted, otherwise hole up by the fire.

Yes this or with someone you like spending time with.

I don’t think the Op is coming across as having a shit marriage. She’s just fed up a bit that’s all.

I have come to loathe Christmas time at the moment, not because I don’t like Christmas, but mainly because I am so time challenged caring for my elderly Mum, anything a little bit out of the ordinary can seem a big deal. But it’s sorted. Oh and I have a quiet meal together, just one present that we want, he sorts out what he wants to buy for his family, with my love sent as well, I sort out my Sister. I send e-cards to as many as I can, and just enjoy my day off. My life is on hold, but we cope.

That sounds like heaven, I don't think I'd want to go home 😂

YANBU at all. I hate my birthday too. I really don't mind getting old, but I can't bear fuss. I have done nothing to deserve it, unlike passing an exam or something, so I just don't see the point. Cards and presents will sit on the table for days until I pluck up the courage to open them! Most people now accept it. For the last couple of years I have gone away on my own, so I can just ignore the whole thing, and that's my plan too for next year when it's a so-called big birthday.
We should all be free to just do/not do whatever we want, tbh.

OP means she makes an effort to sort the kids on DH birthday but he doesn't for hers. Like I might pack a bag with colouring and prep my children in advance if I want them to be really good during a meal or let them help decide where we go.

Probably during a normal meal OP does all the child wrangling too, but it's not so visible as she isn't thinking "This meal is specially for me to enjoy".

I think sadly you'll find that DH doesn't bear the household load of making things go smoothly ever.... and normally you fill the gap just on your birthday that job looks even more glaring and unfair.

Might be time for a talk. Doesn't mean you have "An uNhApPY MAaaarridge!!!!" just needs addressing.

Can you get a babysitter? But also have a word with dh about his moaning/laziness etc.

Sounds like he can't win. He made an effort you werent happy. Previously he didn't and you werent happy. You sound like hard work. Maybe take yourself out for the day next year.

Cards and presents will sit on the table for days until I pluck up the courage to open them
That's how I was for years till I put mu foot down and just insisted on getting none. It's so much better. Was an awkward year when I had to say to PIL and SIL not to do it but worth it for the peace of mind in the years since.

I also am perfectly happy getting older but just don't get the achievement or why it's marked with fuss. Felt like that since about 12, was absolutely set by 15.

I might not take things as literally as you. I also don’t think that every moan and letting off steam on MN has to end in divorce🤷‍♀️

So you need to tell your h what you have said here! Say what you do for his birthday, say how crap your last birthdays have been, and tell him what you want for your next birthday. Or go out for the day by yourself.

I bow to your pedestal of superior judgement. I hope it isn’t lonely up there.🤣