AIBU to hate my birthday?

[SantasRubiksCube]

I told DH that this year I didn't want to do anything for my birthday, every year it's a day I just hate and can't wait for it to be over. He still took the kids to get me cards and presents which I appreciate and will be happy to open (more for the kids sake if anything) but so far today all DH has gone on about is how I'm being miserable and that he wants me to enjoy my birthday.....I haven't enjoyed my birthday for years, hence why I didn't want to bother with it this year. Every year for DHs birthday he gets to go out for a nice lunch/meal where the kids are well behaved and everyone has a nice time plus I usually arrange something for the evening for us to do just me and him (just going to the cinema or something but means a little break from the kids). My birthdays over the last few years have consisted of washing vomit off of bedsheets when DC have been ill while DH has stayed in bed, leaving restaurants early because DC were arguing/misbehaving and DH was moaning about the price of everything, spending the day doing everything in the house and with the kids cos he spends that day being particularly incompetent etc. it just always seems to turn into a day I never enjoy. I'm not trying to be a misery guts but AIBU to think either he could actually put the same effort into my birthday as I do for his so I actually enjoy it or respect my wishes when I say I don't want to do anything for it?

I think you might be the only one to say it’s an unhappy and shit marriage. Everyone else has offered a sympathetic ear, a bit of advice, have a day to yourself.
But your first conclusion is unhappy, shit……

I don't think you hate your birthdays, it's the way your husband conducts himself.
He's the culprit that's making your birthdays miserable.
Sorry.
🙁

Do things you actually like for your birthday then. There’s no law to say you have to be with your children to celebrate it.

book a spa day with a friend.

take yourself shopping and for lunch.

tell your husband it’s your birthday and you want to enjoy it the way you see fit.

You're saying one thing and meaning another. You're telling him to ignore the day because you hate your birthday. You mean "Make my birthday a great day because im upset that things have gone wrong in previous years. And I'm only saying I hate birthdays and don't want to bother to remind you of how rubbish they've been in the past so you make sure this one is better" He is hearing what you say, not reading your mind. He is taking you at your word but feels uncomfortable at the idea of ignoring it. You, who really wants a fuss made are adding to the discomfort because you probably have a bit of a fed up air about you. Why not just say what you mean to him and do something nice?

Have you told him this is why?

If you want a day to yourself for your birthday treat, do that.

Sat nearly 30 weeks pregnant reading this. By myself. Crying and feeling really low just left my abusive unborn babies daddy.
It's my birthday on Monday, I'd give the world to have a husband that said "I want you to enjoy your birthday" and got me a card.

The kids might be naughty, but their only little once. Husband might be knackered and a bit lazy and a typical man that don't get it right... but just make the most of your little family. Any effort is beautiful. Trust me. One day the kids will be left home. You and hubby will be old and wrinkly. And you'll do anything to have this birthday back with your young dependant family.

Happy birthday xx

Meh, it's my birthday too. DH got into an argument with me, raised his fist at me and now I'm spending my day alone in the house while periodically breaking out in tears

I'm sorry for what's happened to you, but the OP should set her bar higher than that. Women shouldn't be happy to accept scraps from their partners.

I'm glad you have left your abusive partner. You will be much happier without him!

Hopefully this will be the last birthday you'll spend with him

All I see from your post is I'm a parent and I have to parent!

Sorry but you still have to parent even on your birthday - and if you're miserable every year on your birthday no wonder your kids misbehave and your DH doesn't bother doing anything!

I think she's not happy, he hasn't really gone into the full effort needed and she knows perhaps he just isnt capable of the perfect day she dreams of.

I do have some sympathy for him. But I also resonate with her about Christmas for every reason she has highlighted. Always look forward with hope...then the morning of Christmas day cant wait for it to be over. By 8am Bixing Day the decorations were back in the garage.

I do agree with others though - she needs to plan the perfect day for herself , enjoy the planning of it and the day itself...then pop home for pressies and cakes so DH and Kids can do their bit too. That seems like a decent outcome for her with a tiny compromise for them to feel they have done something special for your day.

I mean if you hated your birthdays because you didn’t like getting older or it brought back bad memories or you don’t like being centre of attention I’d say yanbu to choose not to celebrate. But I’m going to say yabu. Well, not unreasonable exactly but it sounds like you are passively aggressively backing out of something rather than communicating what it is that bothers you about birthdays. I get that it can be hard to articulate what’s annoying you because we mums take on so much of the emotional load of everything, I’ve been there. And really you want him to just know what to do to make it enjoyable. But that probably ain’t gonna happen. You don’t have to tell him exactly what you want, make him think of the details himself, but you could say

’what I really want this birthday is a long lie, a day of doing something fun with the kids and a child free activity in the evening out of the house where I don’t have to arrange the childcare’. Surely he can sort that out?

@CosyLemur damn it, your absolutely right. My post had nothing to do with my birthday and is actually about the fact that I hate my children and don't want to be a mother (not).

@Emmz1510 your right, I was being passive aggressive (I don't know why) I think it's just I wanted him to make an effort off his own back like I do for his but I know he's not a mind reader. I was being stupid and quite childish, I just wanted to be the one taken care of for a day instead of being the one who takes care of everyone else.

Tell him that or he will never know! I hope you plan a lovely birthday between you x

Ask him what childcare he has sorted out and where he is taking u

Totally not being unreasonable! I had years and years of 2 DC & DH spoiling my birthdays and mothers days, moaning, crying, arguing being generally stroppy. At least one ended up with me in tears. It'll sound bad, but the best mothers day I had was when the DC were old enough to leave at home and I went to the pub with DH, met up with friends and listened to another friend play his solo gig! DC are now adults, so much better these days..... although I have had a couple very odd presents from each of them 😂.
If I could go back, i think I'd forget trying to make plans we'd all enjoy, leave DH in charge and do whatever I wanted to do for those days!