Comment about swaying at parents evening

[Purtyburty]

Posting for traffic. My husband and I attended parents evening today for our DD in pre school aged 3. Her teacher told us that she sways from side to side a lot and have we noticed this at home? I was really caught off guard by the question, we both replied that we hadn’t noticed it but in hindsight I wish I had just outright asked her if she was implying that she was wondering if DD had autistic tendencies. DD is a hyper sensitive child and is extremely shy - she has done really well starting pre school (she has been at home with me until now) and in week 3 just walks in on her own which I thought would take months to happen so if ever so this comment really shocked me. I personally don’t think she is autistic, but hyper sensitive but I suppose I am concerned that her school think she is? I am not sure why my AIBU is, maybe should I be worried about this, do I need to investigate further. It has really upset me, because I feel like I don’t know what was implied by this.

I think you're reading a lot into one comment. * *

does your DD sway from side to side, that you've noticed?

Maybe it's just a nervous thing so she doesn't do it at home.

You're massively overthinking this. She's doing something that is noticeable, the teacher asked if she's also doing it at home. The swaying could be a tic, a comfort thing, struggling to sit still, a UTI or other issues in that area , uncomfortable uniform etc.

Now you know , you can keep an eye out for it and see if it does happen at home, if there's a pattern , check her out etc.

To be honest you are jumping to weird conclusions. If they didn't mention autism then they don't think she is autistic. If a child has an unusual behaviour, they have a duty of care to let the parent know. They aren't trying to suggest anything, they just want to watch in case it is a sign of anything. If they hadn't mentioned it and later something happened, that would be neglect.

If she was autistic, this could be stimming behaviour to calm anxiety and so you would be less likely to see it happen at home. As an adult I find I do it in stressful situations.

I doubt you’d get a referral for assessment from the NHS based on that one behaviour alone, but you could keep an eye out and talk to her teacher when she starts at school. Assessment through the NHS takes years in most areas. You could pay for a private assessment.

It may be a self comforting mechanism because she's a bit overwhelmed because she's started preschool and everything is new. It may well just stop once she feels more comfy.

My DD started doing this. She was copying an autistic boy she played with a lot. We now know that she does have other developmental issues. I wish I’d paid more attention to the swaying—her need to ape his tic may have been a clue to her other issues which we only recognised very much later. I would be inclined to listen to the teacher, observe your child around other kids, and discuss with the school as time goes on if it’s a longer term issue.

Swaying to me (but I might be bias due to my own disabilities) would make me think co-ordination and balance not necessarily autism.

My first thought about a child swaying would be that they’re holding in a wee or that they’re feeling nervous/nauseous and trying to shake it out.

Why do you think the teacher was implying autism? Have there been other behaviours or comments made by someone else in your life?

My friend in secondary school used to rock. She wasn’t autistic, it just helped her when she was concentrating.

I disagree with others. Sometimes teachers mention things to feed the idea as they can't just come out and say they think it might be something like autism - a friend of mine is a teacher and she said this. My daughter is autistic and it was not picked up until later in primary school as it's much more subtle with girls. I would suggest reading up on girls and autism and then at least you are informed.

I’m autistic (diagnosed as an adult) and I sway a lot. I didn’t actually notice until after I was diagnosed but I now realise I sway side to side when I’m - for example - queuing in a shop. Probably because I’m overwhelmed by the environment; I often fidget with the zip on my bag while I’m swaying.

I’m just one example though. Maybe there is something to it, or maybe your DD just likes swaying.

I don’t think you’re wide of the mark with what they’re potentially highlighting. Swaying is a stimming behaviour connected with ASD, but it does not mean your child is definitely autistic, anymore than it would mean that every autistic child would sway. Some kids soothe with the rhythmic movement if they’re anxious or stressed, if they’re tired, if they’re fidgety.

Just keep an eye.

They probably are suggesting something. Tbh sometimes it’s better that a teacher is straight with parents but a lot of parents can’t cope with even a suggestion of something needs to be looked at. At DD’s nursery the owner had to send an email out telling parents to take things in the spirit and be very firm about parents behaviour. I think DD’s teacher flagged something about one of the children and a parent went apeshit. It’s not personal OP.

This is so NOT true. A great deal of the time, teachers suspect autism but don't come out and actually say it. I would keep autism in the back of my mind OP as it could be stimming, but could also be many many other things .

Ask. They might have been hinting at autism, or a phyical disability, or anxiety. Or they might have just been asking.

You are overthinking this. All they did was ask if you’d seen a similar behaviour that they had witnessed at home. It is their job to support your child with anything that might be causing them any discomfort and they can do that best if there is open communication between them and you.

Thank you for the replies. They do range quite a bit from I am really jumping to conclusions, to I do need to be mindful and autism is probably what is being suggested, so I guess I still don’t know how to feel.

I know it could be a number of things, she doesn’t feel confident enough to use the toilet there so it could be needing a wee, she is an anxious child so could be self soothing, or it could be an indicator of autism. I find the not knowing for sure aspect quite difficult to deal with.

@CobbldyCook If you do not mind sharing, what were the other developmental issues your DD displayed?

@deademptyduck I have read girls mask better and symptoms can be subtle, if you don’t mind me asking how was your DD’s autism picked up in the end? Which symptoms did she display?

Do you have any other concerns/suspicions about autism? Is it something that was at the back of your mind anyway?

You could make an appointment with the GP and ask them for advice. They can refer for assessment if they think it's appropriate, and they can also check for a physical cause.

Whether she is autistic or not she's still the same lovely girl she was before parents evening OP. Any diagnosis would only be to help her with any support she might need and doesn't change who she is anyway. I know it's worrying but if you think about it the "truth" about her changes nothing about how or who she is or her lovely relationship with you.

My daughter was always very hyper. Full on all the time and we had to take her out often because keeping her in was impossible for a many years until she learnt to read! She would watch Human Planet and Blue Planet on repeat where other children watched Disney! She would always be the last to come out of school and the last to get dressed after PE etc. School questioned her hearing and sight because she was always away in the clouds yet she could answer questions. And there were an awful lot of clothes / shoes she wouldn't wear because of how they felt. So many small things really that didn't make us feel anything was majorly different. Things haven't been easy at times but she is now at university and thriving so it doesn't have to be a huge issue.

I just realised I didn't really answer the question! We started noticing as she got older that she didn't seem to pick up at all on emotions. I lost a family member when she was around 9 and I said please be good today because I'm struggling. She didn't get why that was and then I caught her trying to force tears out by squeezing her eyes. I spoke to school and they said they would get an educational psychiatrist in. I was pretty shocked when they felt she did have autism though!! In secondary school it became much more apparent.

@NowImNotDoingIt She has always struggled with loud noises - lawn mowers, blenders etc. She is a fussy eater.

@NowImNotDoingIt But at the same time she is extremely empathetic, brilliant at reading emotions etc

Ok so it is something that has been at the back of your head. Again, those can be common traits of kids that age , or something else. DD was similar at that age(still kinda is) and I'm still not sure what's what and she's 13!!

My suggestion would be to make a list of all your concerns (on paper so easier to keep track and express yourself) , any behaviours that worry you and ask for another meeting with the teacher. Put your cards on the table, see what they have noticed , what is their opinion?
Then go from there.