Comment about swaying at parents evening

[Purtyburty]

Posting for traffic. My husband and I attended parents evening today for our DD in pre school aged 3. Her teacher told us that she sways from side to side a lot and have we noticed this at home? I was really caught off guard by the question, we both replied that we hadn’t noticed it but in hindsight I wish I had just outright asked her if she was implying that she was wondering if DD had autistic tendencies. DD is a hyper sensitive child and is extremely shy - she has done really well starting pre school (she has been at home with me until now) and in week 3 just walks in on her own which I thought would take months to happen so if ever so this comment really shocked me. I personally don’t think she is autistic, but hyper sensitive but I suppose I am concerned that her school think she is? I am not sure why my AIBU is, maybe should I be worried about this, do I need to investigate further. It has really upset me, because I feel like I don’t know what was implied by this.

My dgs hates loud noises, slimy food, certain clothing.
All sensory things.
He's 12 now and has no diagnosis that I know of.
If he is autistic then he’s high functioning.
As a small dc it was much more noticeable.

Is she hypermobile? It's really hard to stand still if you are. You do tend to get a bit of a rock from hip to hip going on.

@Spinet Thank you. I totally agree with you - she is still exactly the same person she always has been and the absolute apple of my eye.

The reason they are asking this is because for a behaviour to potentially indicate a concern around ASD, it has to be what they refer to as 'pervasive' - so present to some extent in a variety of different environments. Any assessment asks for information from both family and nursery/school. If you haven't noticed it at all at home, it's likely that the swaying is linked to something at pre school which she is adjusting to, its a comforting sensation. Or it's something she does when she is really concentrating - my oldest does this to help her focus.

Them asking is a good thing, it's shows they are paying close attention and tuning into the children's needs, they are keen to engage with you as the people who know her best.

My daughter received a diagnosis of autism at 2 when at nursery and is undergoing genetic testing and other things. I really wouldn't worry about just one comment, it could be that if it's only at nursery and she does it at a certain time, how can they support her at that time etc

Tbh my son didn’t get his Autism diagnosis until he was 9. When he did I mentioned to his nursery teacher when we saw her at a community event. She told me that she had suspected but hadn’t like to say. Honestly - it would have been incredibly helpful if she had and would have saved him (and us) a lot of stress if he got an earlier diagnosis and therefore earlier intervention and understanding in school. So if the teacher is trying to open the conversation - good for them for being brave!

@Boobygravy I agree that if my DD was autistic it is probably high functioning.

She sounds like a really lovely little girl. Try not to worry. I'd go back to speak to the woman again, if I were you.

This chimes with myself. I have never been able to stand still as my knees/ hips become really painful. Have to keep shifting my weight from foot to foot and keep moving my hips. Been like this for as long as I can remember.

I've never managed to get any kind of diagnosis for the painful and unstable joints I have suffered from all my life, GPs just do X-rays and say all looks normal then try to prescribe me antidepressants. However, I've recently been looking into hyper mobility syndrome and I do seem to have a lot of the symptoms. No idea how to go about getting diagnosis and treatment though.

Honestly, my teenager has always swayed from side to side and has displayed a lot of autistic tendencies such as having huge sensory issues and just generally behaviour like that. But it barely affects her and nobody else ever suspects that she could have it. If she does, it's high functioning I suppose because she is incredibly academically gifted as well as in other areas compared to her other siblings.

When my dd1 was in nursery they asked if we had ever noticed how she runs. I had but I didn't know it was unusual. She was our first child, however the teacher was around a number of same.aged children so could pick up. on things like this. It triggered me to take more notice of things my dd was struggling with and once we gained a.picture self refer to physio. She struggled with loud noises, such as the blender or firework and although is fine with them now. She didn't want to go see Taylor Swift when my friend offered tickets as she felt the music would be too loud for her. We have an appointment with a paediatrician next week too. We love her, accept her 100% for who she is but of there are areas she needs support and a teacher or hcp sees it then we would be doing her a disservice by not acting on it.

It's easy to get worried and on the defensive as your child is so young yet however it's just something to keep an eye on. I shared the above just so you could see that school for us picked up on something that helped build a picture and act as a catalyst for us.

As kindly as possible, please don't say "high functioning". It's othering, it implies that some autistic people are "low functioning", and it belies the struggles that come with having lower support needs.

Autism is autism; you're either autistic or you're not, but the spectrum isn't linear and there are a million different presentations/levels of support needs. A lot of the time, what appears to be "high functioning" is actually someone masking as a way of fitting in, which is really exhausting and uncomfortable.

People have suggested that I am "high functioning" or that my autism is "mild" but my ability to function varies wildly depending on external factors. Autism, by nature, is disabling - that's how you get a diagnosis.

I hope this doesn't read as rude or attacking ❤

Ask for a referral to physio, we diagnose this all the time. There is a specific test for hypermobility called The Beighton Scale and a certain score diagnoses you as hypermobile. Specific strengthening exercises can help but need to be done daily to be effective

@amusedbush totally agree… I did very well at school academically, but socially couldn’t cope at all and had several suicide attempts and an eating disorder as a teenager. So in one way I might have seemed fine and coping well but that really wasn’t the case.

Yes - this is really common. It's far from ideal (but you can't blame the staff - they often get such hostility if they even dare to suggest there might be any possibility of ASD) so always worth following up and asking the difficult questions.