How do you approach family coming to stay?

[MaggieMcGill]

Do you have an open door policy? Are they welcome to stay as long as they want? Do they book into a B&B or only stay at weekends? Is a visit by invite only or whenever they want to come and stay?

I’m having issues with DP about this. I’m an only child whose parents lived close by so didn’t need overnight stays.

i’d be interested to hear how everyone else copes with having long distance family. Is it a mutual decision by you both or does it cause disagreements.

Open door policy, with enough notice for me to put something on.

My younger sister used to drop in for a visit and leave a day or two later.

And I always cook more than enough, so passersby never leave hungry.

My family know they can stay anytime, but 24hrs notice is appreciated, especially for a bank holiday, so I can get bedding changed, food in, etc.

Surely it's by agreement? Seems mad people can just invite themselves as you do also need personal space - it's not just your DP's home but yours too. I think you need to say that this year doesn't work for you - however you do need to work out when you will see them over the break.

Family always stay with us - would be weird for them to get a hotel!

Only my adult children would come to stay and they all have their own places so never do! After 15 years of exH family descending constantly I was utterly sick of it and embraced the freedom of them all fucking off, frankly.

I’ve only got a small house, anyone is more than welcome to come whenever, they’re welcome to use the kitchen and cook their own meals if wanted, or I’ll cook for them!

I feel your pain.

I used to be quite relaxed about visitors until one of DH’s relatives started inviting herself to stay. She would be in our area, doing something unrelated to us, and would want handy accommodation, so invited herself to stay at ours - often bringing other relatives.

We’d just finished having some building work done, the house was upside down, and she asked for 3 nights accommodation for 3 people. DH didn’t dare say no. They used us as a B&B and I was furious. Then last year she was working in our area, and on the Saturday announced she would arriving on the Monday for 4/5 days. Again, DH didn’t dare say no. It has become a significant bone of contention between DH and I.

My parents are 45 minutes away and we see each other once a week (they are close to my work) and maybe pop over on a weekend once a month or so.

His parent are 1.5hrs away so come and stay a night on the weekend maybe once every 4-6 weeks but are welcome whenever.

We have always lived far away enough for visits to have to be arranged.
Anyone’s always welcome with us but we have started booking a hotel when we travel.

For a visit (few hours) then the door is always open and the kettle is always on. Luckily I live quite close by my parents (20mins) and quite far away from my in laws (3+hrs) and my house is far too small for anyone to say overnight unless my DS7 stays at my parents house which frees his single bed but this wouldnt be enough for in law over night stay.

I quickly learnt with DH's side to be firm about notice, especially when I worked full-time. Was easier when I had seven years off.

MIL never had people stay and had no co.prehwnsion of the work involved: beds, extra provisions, etc. They always came for at least a week to make the fare worth it!

With DH's sisters and their partner's sibs (all visiting London from abroad), and when we had a tiny house, I quickly put my foot down, only an occasional night and never if we already had guests and there was no guest room free. They stopped using us as a doss house quickly!

Family, friends, friends of friends anyone welcome for as long as they wish. Tbh I think if you have open door people don’t come as often as you might think

MIL never had people stay and had no co.prehwnsion of the work involved: beds, extra provisions, etc. They always came for at least a week to make the fare worth it!

It’s not just the extra work - it’s having people in your house when you want to decompress/relax at the end of the day, and also having to be ON all the time, it’s exhausting.

We expect to be asked/told if they want to stay but no one needs to call before visiting. Most people do but if friends/family are passing through and drop by unexpectedly it's fine.

If you would like to be asked or given notice, that's what you should get.

I like them to ask first, but I would be very unlikely to say no.
However I might say that I’m working/ have various arrangements so they might have to sort themselves out. I’m happy for them to help themselves or to cook if they want to. I might leave bedding out for them but ask them to make up the beds themselves.

I should add that currently I do have bedrooms free so that does make it easier than if they were sleeping in the sitting room.

Having family stay over is normal, but not them picking dates without your agreement. Are you sure DH didn’t say they could stay then? I’d make other plans and leave him to host. Have your own week away!

You are a bigger mug to tolerate this bullshit.
We teach people how to treat us.
Your loser partner is a selish arse with a family of presumptuous selfish arses.
No one would dream of telling me they were coming to visit for a week.

You are a complete mug and they all know it.
God love you if you really think that yours is a loving respectful relationship.

You deserve better.
I would either say No, or pack up and leave. The relationship would be over.

As my DH’s relatives are also prone to picking their own dates, I’ve told him that next time we have an invasion, he will be dealing with it all by himself, and I won’t be back til they’re gone. But it’s very difficult when your partner is not on your side with this sort of thing, you end up being outnumbered

I wouldn't want people staying over night even if I had the room it would be travel Lodge, Premier Inn or hotel.

I also wouldn't want to stay at others house either.

Don't live in the UK so when we get family visits they are long. Two weeks normally and next year my in Laws have booked for three 😭.
It's basically fine but a squeeze with the extras and we give up our room and en suite for them and sleep on spare beds in the basement. I'm always happy to see them go.
Friends are always welcome from the UK and we get visitors now and then but we are a 9 hr flight away so not many.

Its interesting to hear views on this, from the hosts' point of view. I do hope a few visitors are reading this, and may possibly book hotels in future!!!

My family are on the other side of the world so they often fly over to visit us and stay with us for anywhere up to a month usually. My husband loves having them! Sometimes we have 7 family members staying at the same time 😆 the house is noisy and full of love and we love it!