To be concerned about this financial issue involving manipulative siblings

[helloopossums]

Just to be clear, I am not in the UK, so legal/tax implications may be different.

My elderly DM's accountant recently advised her to wind up a self-managed pension fund which my DF oversaw while he was alive. Accountant's reasoning was that DM has a high income from other sources and does not need the pension income. It would be most tax efficient for her to liquidate the holdings and divide the proceeds between my siblings and I - there would be no tax payable on these 'gifts'.

This suggestion came as a surprise to me but I welcomed it because although we are comfortably off, we have had a lot of high costs lately, issues with damp, house repairs, DC going to university etc. My DBs have higher incomes and much younger dc. Between them, they have decided, for reasons known only to themselves, to do everything they can to prevent this distribution. They have insisted that this amount should remain 'part of the estate'. They have lied to DM, telling her that there would be tax implications (the accountant confirmed this wasn't the case). They have tried guilt-tripping, telling DM that she is dismantling our DFs years of hard work (also a bit silly, as DF had multiple other investments which will not be affected). They have repeatedly said that it is best to keep the estate intact.

My DM has stressed to all of us that she simply wants to divide the proceeds three ways but my DBs are sabotaging the process by ignoring her instructions (one needs to assist with paperwork/transfers relating to wrapping up the fund). They are making her anxious and stressed because she feels under pressure to do as they say but doesn't want to.

My DBs and I do not get on. I find them very selfish, shallow and money-oriented, they look down on me because I do not have a prestigious, ultra-high paying role (my career is perfectly respectable). They may also resent the fact that I and my family are closer to DM than they are, but this is mainly due to me making more of an effort.

AIBU to wonder whether this behaviour is elder abuse? What could DBs motivations be? And How should I respond?

Suggest to your DM that her accountant help her complete the paperwork. There will be a fee but worth it to remove the stress element for your DM. The only benefit for your DBs i can think of is that they don’t need to money now and are thinking it might increase further in value if left rather than liquidating and then them having to reinvest.

No idea what their motivation could be but in your mother's shoes I'd not divide it 3 ways, given they are being awkward, but pass it to you and then adjust for the imbalance via the rest of the estate in my will. Though I would not take kindly to my offspring treating me like this and would be sure to let them know it: sign the papers or if you are going to act like monkeys, you can expect to get peanuts in my will.

Surely if your DBs were as selfish and money orientated as you say, they'd be desperate to get hold of the cash?

Your DM's accountant will have only considered the tax implications for her. Perhaps the tax implications your DBs mention are tax implications for them?

I can't see how your DM keeping hold of the money count be considered elder abuse tbh. And I doubt there's anything you can do, I would imagine you have no rights to the money at the present time

Your siblings could be all the things you are saying but you appear to have already mentally spent your Mother’s money and that isn’t a good look. The reasoning given for your mother to cash in her pension appears to be very dubious and I would advise your mother to seek a second opinion. OP you appear to be the only one benefiting from this arrangement because you need/ want the money now.

My concern (re elder abuse) is that they are ignoring her wishes, lying to her and attempting to manipulate her, which is causing her stress.

Not sure what you mean by 'mentally spent my mother's money'.

The accountant has assisted my parents for many years and is supporting my DM's interests, please clarify what you find 'dubious' about this?
We would all benefit from the arrangement equally: my mother has suggested that if they don't need the money DBs can invest their own thirds as they choose.

While she has income, it is another pot of money that could be used if she needs cash as she gets older. I don’t feel like your siblings are working against her best interests here. They may be working against yours. If it were my mum I would be saying that she may want to hold onto that and not worry about inheritance tax as she may need it for care costs etc.

She has a large income, it really isn't needed. They are both very tight with money and generally discourage DM from spending, including on herself. She is very frugal, but they have both looked at her bank statements and queried some of her expenses. It's very depressing.

I guess there’s probably three sides to this story. Your mother needs to get help from an outside source to see what is actually in her best interest

The only one that comes across money driven and selfish is you OP. How do DBs benefit if DM holds on to her money?
how do you know they are lying to her? I think it’s weird advice to make gifts now (which apparently have no tax implications?), when you can’t predict how long she will live and what care she might need. Care costs can easily be 10k a month or more.

In your shoes, if you are genuinely only concerned for your mother, you should surely be advising her to seek a second opinion from a suitably qualified estate planner?
You do not come across as a daughter with purely altruistic motives though.

There are potential advantages for them, but I don't want to go into detail as it would be outing.

Put it this way. If you had two children and decided to share an amount of money between them (say, £100 each) and one of the children insisted you shouldn't do it, what would you think?

So you think that my DM shouldn't be able to simply make decisions based on her accountant's advice and her own wishes? That it is absolutely fine and appropriate for her sons to lie to her, try to manipulate her and to sabotage her wishes if they disagree with them? And that by questioning their behaviour, I come across as not having altruistic motives?

Some of these responses are very interesting. I'm genuinely surprised.

Yeah, you're just reinforcing my previous opinion.

Fair enough

Your dm has an accountant, she either trusts him or she doesn’t.

I hate adult dc who think being elderly means you’re too stupid to run your own finances.
My dm is sharp as a pin with money.
If my dc ever start dictating my finances without my asking they’ll be removed from my will.

Thanks @Boobygravy Unfortunately they patronise, belittle and attempt to control DM in many ways, this is just the latest example.

Could this be a reverse?

Or do your brothers feel that YOU are behind this decision to cash in part of her pension income?
She needs independent advice from someone who isn't family or has known her & her financial situation for many years.

Maybe they are thinking of care home fees?

If they were selfish, shallow and money oriented, then they'd take the money and not care.
There's obviously something that doesn't sit well with them for your mum for them to react like this. They get no benefit out of saying no, so there must be a reason they think it's wrong for someone else. Sounds like they're being unselfish, thinking deeply beyond the situation and not very money oriented.

My DM out of the blue decided to give me a small amount of money. I was surprised why as I didn’t need it or ask for it and it turned out my sibling who had made a stupid decision needed money. So she felt it was fair to give me the same amount.
but my DM needs the money more than me.

If I was your DB I would think that your DM feels sorry for you, wants to help you out and do the fair thing and give money equally. Maybe they think DM should hold on to her money to plan for potential care home fees and not fund your home repairs. I still don’t understand how they profit from not getting the funds apart from tax implications or benefit implications. But you say they both have top careers so assume they don’t receive benefits.

Thanks, there have been a few responses like this. Quite a few posters seem to be attributing dishonest motives to me while assuming that my DBs are selfless and considerate. This doesn't reflect the reality and explaining why would likely be outing but it's interesting that people make these assumptions.

My DM out of the blue decided to give me a small amount of money. I was surprised why as I didn’t need it or ask for it and it turned out my siblin...

Just to clarify, is this something that happened, or your response to the rhetorical question I asked?

Perhaps they see it as the larger your mother’s estate the greater her independence and ability to pay for care fees.
Maybe there are tax implications for your brothers.
As you don’t get on they might be being deliberately obstructive.

It's almost certainly the latter. These responses have been enlightening though. Thanks to everyone who responded.