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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking Dd to see husband instead of school

44 replies

FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 03:13

Hi, for context my husband is tetraplegic, so needs help with everything. This happened out of the blue three and a half years ago.
My Dd is nearly 9 and her Dad got taken into hospital twice in the last 2 days with suspected DVT. He is still there.
WIBU to take her into school late so she can see for herself that her Dad is being looked after? It must be so hard for her to understand, she was 5 when it first happened and then the second Covid hit so she didn't see him for just under a year.

I know I'm not actually being unreasonable but my head is all over the place right now.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 10/10/2024 03:16

otoh would she be better at school, among her friends, and visit him later? is that possible

offyoujollywelltrot · 10/10/2024 03:16

Of course you should take her.

Sundaymondaytuesdayetc · 10/10/2024 03:20

Of course you should take her OP.
What a difficult situation for you all to have to cope with.

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 03:29

Thank you, it just feels like the right thing to do but I'm doubting myself

OP posts:
MumChp · 10/10/2024 03:29

I would go and visit after school. Not before 9 am in a hospital. Does he have a single room or share a room? Have you talked to the nurses about visiting hours?

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 03:33

It wouldn't be until 11am earliest as those are there visiting hours and to be honest, I am bloody exhausted.

She will go to school but just a bit (well, a lot) later than usual. I also think it would be good for DH

OP posts:
Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 10/10/2024 03:36

If she won't be scared seeing him and it's what she wants then yes i would bring her for her peace of mind. So she knows it won't be another year before she sees him. That must have been very traumatic for you all.

samedifferent · 10/10/2024 04:10

I really wouldn't stress about one day off school.
DC more or less survived years out of school during Covid.
One day will make no difference.

PicturePlace · 10/10/2024 04:13

Why don't you just take her after school?

AgentJohnson · 10/10/2024 04:24

Do it but let school know, so that they can support her when she does go in.

Peakyblinder18 · 10/10/2024 04:27

After school shouldn't be a problem surely

olympicsrock · 10/10/2024 04:34

Take her after school if she really wants to go. . Hospital wards aren’t very nice for kids . Equally the routine of school
might be a distraction for her.

Won’t take long to do a US scan for DVT and then he’ll be home the same day in all likelihood.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2024 04:37

If this works better for you, yes. Your dh being in hospital during covid must have been quite difficult for your dd to understand and I think it’s important not to let her think that this will happen again.

As for posters telling you to take your dd after school, I think if you haven’t been involved with someone so wholly incapacitate, it is perhaps not easy to grasp how difficult it must be for you and your dd to live with someone so fragile. Her mental health needs to be protected, as does yours, and your dh’s.

So no, yanbu at all.

You are a family in crisis. Does your dd get special support in school?

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 05:39

Thank you all. In all likelihood he will probably be in until at least Monday because of the complications with his condition.

Dd's school have been absolutely fantastic with her which is why I think they will be ok if I bring her in later today, they even came and collected her the other morning whilst we were waiting for the ambulance.

He is waiting for lots of tests today which is why I wanted to go this morning but visiting hours don't start until 11am.

OP posts:
ahemfem · 10/10/2024 05:42

I'd contact the school and take her tomorrow tbh

Caspianberg · 10/10/2024 05:48

If visiting hours don’t start until after 11am, wouldn’t it be easier to take her to school in the morning and pick up at lunchtime?
That way she’s occupied at school or not at home worrying first thing. And you can pop into the office at drop off to explain you will need to collect early

Clarinet1 · 10/10/2024 05:51

If school are supportive and she wants to go I say take her. If she’s reassured by seeing her Dad and talking to him she’ll probably be able to concentrate much better when she gets to school. Also, even if the school considers it an unauthorised absence (sounds unlikely) one session (part day) won’t result in much comeback.

DNAwrangler · 10/10/2024 05:55

its fine OP. And I wouldn’t tie myself in knots getting up for the school run and picking her up again etc. look after yourselves x

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 05:57

We don't know when he will be going in for scans, more tests, MRI until later today which is why I wanted to take her at 11am because we don't know what will be happening after that.

I am very tempted to just keep her off for the whole day after seeing him and just do something nice with her tbh. I will let the school know but I think they will understand. She has insisted on sleeping in my bed since Friday when the first ambulance was called.

OP posts:
Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 05:58

Thank you, btw x

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 10/10/2024 06:02

I would consider taking her in for the morning and then collecting her at 11 if you think the school would be supportive. Keep her busy. Then do something nice with her afterwards.

Wallywobbles · 10/10/2024 06:09

In your circumstances it all sounds fine to take her and keep her out.

Clarinet1 · 10/10/2024 06:18

FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 05:57

We don't know when he will be going in for scans, more tests, MRI until later today which is why I wanted to take her at 11am because we don't know what will be happening after that.

I am very tempted to just keep her off for the whole day after seeing him and just do something nice with her tbh. I will let the school know but I think they will understand. She has insisted on sleeping in my bed since Friday when the first ambulance was called.

Yes - make it a long weekend for once; Poor thing, she must be really worried wanting to share your bed. Yes to some sort of treat - favourite dinner? Favourite film on video? Bike ride if that’s her thing? Retail therapy?

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 06:18

They only have two hour windows for visiting, so 11am, 2pm and 5pm

OP posts:
Original poster
FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 06:23

Plus she hasn't done her homework this week due to everything being up in the air - or her reading record 🤐 so she is stressed about that too, bless her. We have a son (husband's stepson) too who turned 15 the other day but he is at his Dad's so he can concentrate at school and not worry too much.

OP posts:
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