Page 2 | Taking Dd to see husband instead of school

FloydWasACat · 2024-10-10T02:13:24+00:00

Hi, for context my husband is tetraplegic, so needs help with everything. This happened out of the blue three and a half years ago. My Dd is nearly 9 and her Dad got taken into hospital twice in the last 2 days with suspected DVT. He is still there. WIBU to take her into school late so she can see for herself that her Dad is being looked after? It must be so hard for her to understand, she was 5 when it first happened and then the second Covid hit so she didn't see him for just under a year. I know I'm not actually being unreasonable but my head is all over the place right now.

autienotnaughty · 10/10/2024 06:43

I would let her have the day off. I would probably say she's struggling with everything going on is not well with it and needs to rest.

Schools can be really funny about absences.

PrincessPeache · 10/10/2024 06:47

Take the whole day, support her to catch up on her homework if that will help her feel less anxious, or else just rest after the visit.

OneRealRosePlayer · 10/10/2024 06:47

ask the hospital if you can visit earlier. When my mum was in hospital, they let me visit for longer than the normal visiting hours.

onwardsup4 · 10/10/2024 06:48

If it feels like the right thing to do then it likely is

Freshersfluforyou · 10/10/2024 06:53

I don't really see that its so essential to go this morning at 11. You'd be better going at 5pm surely. Children are often better staying off staying in their routine, and if you take her out of school to visit will that not risk her worrying daddy is actually really very poorly, such that she's allowed to miss school to visit?
I feel very sorry that you're in a horrible situation but it sounds a but like you personally want her to do this today and have some time together, rather than it being the best solution. Just go at 5.

rwalker · 10/10/2024 06:53

I’d ask her tbh she not going to achieve much at school with this going on
so missing a few hours won’t make much difference but the change of scenery and routine of school will do her good

also do don’t forget to look after yourself

BlueMum16 · 10/10/2024 06:54

Personally I would take her to school as normal. She needs routine.

Then go to the hospital yourself to see what the results etc are. You can take DC after school.

If he's going to be in for the weekend you need her in her routine today/tomorrow.

School will understand about homework.

bebopalula111 · 10/10/2024 06:59

Take her to see him.
Will be good for them.
Could you take her to school first then collect her for a while. Play it by ear if you decide not to send her back for the afternoon

TheSandgroper · 10/10/2024 07:05

I'm Australian and we don't have the same obsession with school attendance and, for close family, hospital visiting hours are quite relaxed.

I would be taking your DD to the hospital early and having a family breakfast. Take something a little nice for you all to share. You needn't stay very long. DD can see her father is receiving care, she will be fairly fresh herself, and either she goes to school a little easier in her mind or you have the day together talking and cuddling.

I think the impact of not seeing her father for a year and everyone being worried about him for all that time is not to be underestimated and would be moving heaven and earth to make sure she was more settled this time.

Caspianberg · 10/10/2024 07:13

Actually reading your update, I would send her to school.
Go yourself at 11am to see how he is, updates and ask nurses the plan for the day. This way all the medical questions are down without child there.
They should be able to tell you plan for the afternoon and if 2 or 5 pm is then better to visit.
If 2pm collect early, if 5pm, collect as usual, take for cake and drink somewhere nice nearby and head to hospital afterwards for an hour. She can then see him without any medical questions.

Review and repeat tomorrow if it works

dragonfliesandbees · 10/10/2024 07:15

Well it really depends what your daughter wants to do. If she wants to go then absolutely take her. I wouldn’t stress about missing a day or two of school in this situation.

Freshersfluforyou · 10/10/2024 07:16

Caspianberg · 10/10/2024 07:13

Actually reading your update, I would send her to school.
Go yourself at 11am to see how he is, updates and ask nurses the plan for the day. This way all the medical questions are down without child there.
They should be able to tell you plan for the afternoon and if 2 or 5 pm is then better to visit.
If 2pm collect early, if 5pm, collect as usual, take for cake and drink somewhere nice nearby and head to hospital afterwards for an hour. She can then see him without any medical questions.

Review and repeat tomorrow if it works

This poster has it bang on. To some extent its not always ideal having a child around.
School will be far happier with her being collected earlier for a 2pm visit, because she can be registered at 1pm for the afternoon session so it won't count as a whole missed session.

Imfreetofeelgood · 10/10/2024 07:16

dragonfliesandbees · 10/10/2024 07:15

Well it really depends what your daughter wants to do. If she wants to go then absolutely take her. I wouldn’t stress about missing a day or two of school in this situation.

This. School sounds great, so I wouldn't worry on that score.

Joycedelight · 10/10/2024 07:18

Freshersfluforyou · 10/10/2024 06:53

I don't really see that its so essential to go this morning at 11. You'd be better going at 5pm surely. Children are often better staying off staying in their routine, and if you take her out of school to visit will that not risk her worrying daddy is actually really very poorly, such that she's allowed to miss school to visit?
I feel very sorry that you're in a horrible situation but it sounds a but like you personally want her to do this today and have some time together, rather than it being the best solution. Just go at 5.

I agree with this.

RampantIvy · 10/10/2024 07:22

I have no advice but wanted to wish you all the best. This must be so difficult for you

AllHisCaterpillarFriends · 10/10/2024 07:22

I don't agree at all.

Take her, take the day off if you need to. Providing that is what she wants- although if she doesn't know what to do support her to do what you think best.

At 9 she is old enough.

dragonfliesandbees · 10/10/2024 07:23

Caspianberg · 10/10/2024 07:13

Actually reading your update, I would send her to school.
Go yourself at 11am to see how he is, updates and ask nurses the plan for the day. This way all the medical questions are down without child there.
They should be able to tell you plan for the afternoon and if 2 or 5 pm is then better to visit.
If 2pm collect early, if 5pm, collect as usual, take for cake and drink somewhere nice nearby and head to hospital afterwards for an hour. She can then see him without any medical questions.

Review and repeat tomorrow if it works

This sounds great in theory, but in reality the nurses will only be able to give approximate times for any tests or scans due. My dad was in hospital recently. Told he would be take for a procedure at 1pm. Actual time he was taken was 9pm!

OP, just go at a time that suits you and be prepared that there may be interruptions. Explain this to your daughter too.

Zonder · 10/10/2024 07:26

Take her to see him if that's what she wants. Then go for a nice lunch together. There will be time once you're home and have both chilled to do a little reading but I would be very disappointed if the school cared about a bit of missed work in this situation.

Original poster

FloydWasACat · 10/10/2024 10:07

Hi, thank you for all of your posts. I have spoken to her school and they are completely on my side and have put it down as an authorised absence. She will be back in school tomorrow

OP posts: