To not expect to be asked if I’m going to exH wedding

[Heavier]

Loads of people have asked me if I am invited to my exH wedding to the OW. Has anyone experienced this? I don’t understand why they think he’d invite me or why I’d want to go. Quite a few of my friends are going but that doesn’t make me want to go. Surely it’s weird even if it is amicable. We do things together for the sake of the kids eg both go to parents eve. Occasionally we do get invited to the same social events as we have a lot of mutual friends from our time together. Has anyone been invited to or attended their exH/exW wedding?

YABU - as you spend time together you should be invited to the wedding & it’s fine for people to ask.

YANBU - it’s weird to be invited to your ex’s wedding & not strange that you wouldn’t want to go

Yes, my ex-h asked me to his wedding. I thought it was a bit odd of him.

Maybe he wanted me to be responsible for the kids (although they were senior school age)?

Anyhow I said no.

Why would you want to go? Why would he or OW want you to go?

The people asking sound like morons or shit stirrers.

How strange! No, I have never heard of that happening

Wasn’t Camilla’s ex at her wedding to Charles?

I do work with 2 people who have both attended their ex’s weddings (both have shared kids & spend a decent amount of time together for kids things & seem to have a decent ongoing friendship with their ex’s), so I don’t necessarily think it’s totally weird if there is a good bond there even after divorce especially if kids involved.

But the key difference between them and your situation is neither of their ex’s were marrying the OW/OM, there wasn’t one in either of their situations and their next marriage was years down the line from the divorce.

So I don’t think it’s crazy to go to an ex’s wedding in general, but it’s absolutely crazy to me to think you’d be invited to or even want to attend a wedding to the OW!

DHs ex came to our wedding reception so she could see her kids all dressed up. It was fine, no biggie.

edit - I didn’t spot that it was the OW. That’s a whole other dynamic

I don't think it's weird or not weird to be invited to the wedding. It very much depends. What I do think is weird is that people would ask you about it.

My DB went to his ex wife's wedding and she went to his. Extended family both went to both too. Their separation was very hard in the early days but they both navigated it with tact and diplomacy, were both impressively flexible over contact arrangements and now, some forty odd years later, still have a very positive relationship.

A bit weird. I get on well with my ex but haven't invited him

@category12 I did wonder if I would be asked to collect them to stay with me overnight which I don’t think I’d want to do. I have found out that this has been sorted though so I won’t be needed. My DC are old enough to look after themselves & there will be family and family friends there to keep an eye on them.

@MissUltraViolet I don’t think they were trying to shit stir as they are good friends of mine. They aren’t separated though so maybe don’t quite get it.

@MoveToParis I’m not sure if Camilla’s ex went to her second wedding. I’m not that into royals but if I was invited to an ex’s wedding and it was going to be something on that scale then I probably would say yes!

@Mrsttcno1 Yes I agree, it would be less strange to go to an ex wedding if there was no OW/OM situation. I haven’t successfully stayed in touch with any of my ex’s though. I do get invited to seasonal parties at someone I had a very brief fling with but I don’t really count that.

@ShiteRider The only thing I am disappointed about is not seeing my DC dressed up but I’m am sure I’ll get to see photos.

@ahemfem My AIBU was more about people asking, it doesn’t bother me I just wasn’t expecting it.

My husband's ex-wife came to our wedding but I was not the other woman and since their split she had moved on and had 2 children with her new partner.

Over 30 years on (and over 40 years since they divorced) they are still in contact.

I remember reading a million years ago that the ‘proper’ thing to do is to invite the ex to the wedding and the ex should know to decline. I’m not sure what novel I got that from but the characters were Debretts type people.

Personally, I can’t think of anything worse than exes attending weddings so on the off chance I get an invitation, I’d definitely decline!

Look at it this way. You and exH are doing such a good job of co-parenting, that people think that it's entirely possible that you might be invited to attend. Take it as a compliment that you and exH are managing to keep the kids as your priority, despite your own relationship.

I'd find it super weird to want the Ex-wife there for the vows. As a bride (even without being the OW) why would you want the evidence they meant fuck all to to the groom last time he swore them in front of everyone he held dearest. Just me?

Yes, but they are known to have a very close friendship. Certainly, they always speak very highly - and warmly - of each other.

Maybe because some people part 100% amicable. With no love left at all and can go.

I've heard of it.

In think because that's not your situation it would be weird.

Some people just don't understand tho. I think I'd ask, just because I know of ex's that did do it amicably

Yeah I think the asking you about it is weird. Almost like their digging for drama

Really weird that anyone would ask or even think you'd want to go. Although I can't see why your mutual friends would want to attend either to be honest. Why go to a wedding to watch someone saying vows they clearly don't mean as you know they've already broken them before???

Charles's ex didn't go to the wedding tho :)

Camilla went to Charles first wedding and as we all now know she wasn’t an ex because they were still seeing each other.
That was f**d up.

It is a slightly unusual situation as I presume there was pressure on Charles to marry Diana.
That must have been awful for Diana.

That’s true of all second marriages unless they were a widow as you say to death do us part. Although I do agree it’s worse when there is an affair.

edited for typo

A few people asked me if I was going to my ex's wedding, my standard response was to laugh and say I'd rather stick a fork in my eye, and then change the subject.

My brothers ex went to his wedding with 2 of her sisters, they had 3 adult kids at time. I thought it was a bit strange as they weren't exactly nice or polite to each other in the years before, but each to their own.

She was there in spirit.