Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you be annoyed?...

42 replies

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 09:57

Just curious to know how people would feel about this!...

Received invite from DDs friend for her birthday sleepover about 6 weeks in advance. We were free so accepted the invite and saved the date. Over the next couple of weeks all the other parents accepted the invite (about 6 girls in total attending the birthday sleepover). DD was excited. Date was set in the calendar.

About 3-4 weeks before the sleepover I decided to take the opportunity to arrange a movie night and sleepover at our house for DDs brother and his friends! DS never has house to himself so he was super excited to have his friends over with no sister around the place! All his friends were invited and accepted the invite. We were looking forward to going out to the movies and not having to worry about DD who'd b at her friends sleepover! Both kids would have a great weekend. I was excited for them.

Then a week before the sleepover, mum of DDs friend sends a message to say she has had to change date of birthday sleepover because she has forgotten her daughter had her swimming lesson the morning after the sleepover and she didn't want her to miss it. So they wanted to bring it forward to the Friday (instead of Saturday night). Surely she knew about the swimming lesson weeks ago?

I was really pissed off because imo a regular activity like a swimming lesson is not a good enough reason to change the date of a birthday party with a week's notice. Because this birthday sleepover had been arranged weeks ago I'd made plans for my DS, we were all excited etc..

So anyway, this has never happened with any other birthday party - that the date is changed a week before. Especially not sleepover parties.

What are your thoughts on it? Is it completely fine to do this? Am I being unreasonable feeling pissed off? Would you ever do this?

The only time I'd change the date of a birthday party at a week's notice was if an emergency arose.

Any thoughts? (I am irrationally pissed off and know I should let it go! I'm obviously nice to the mum, haven't shown my pissed-offness. She's nice enough).

OP posts:

Rocknrollstar · 09/10/2024 09:59

No point being annoyed. Could your DD go to another friend for a sleep over?

Livelaughlurgy · 09/10/2024 10:00

She can change the party for whatever reason she wants though. I get it's frustrating for you. It mightn't even be about the swimming lessons. You just don't know.

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:01

Ps. I know the swimming lesson wasn't an excuse for something else because DD spoke to her friend about it at school. Her friend said her mum wants her to go to her swim lesson and so the party has to change. DD's friend wanted to stick with the original.plan but her mum said no. DDs friend confirmed it was just a normal.lesson, they weren't doing badges or anything special in that lesson....

OP posts:

coffeesaveslives · 09/10/2024 10:01

She's probably making an excuse 🤷‍♀️

I can't see the issue really - yes, it's annoying but I'm sure your DS will be fine with his sister in the house for his sleepover.

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:03

Ok, so seems it's fine! and I'm being irrational! I've just never heard of anyone changing a birthday party like this after the date is set and all replies have been received. I didn't think it was the done thing, a bit rude really. But seems I'm wrong!!

OP posts:

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 09/10/2024 10:05

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:03

No, I don't think your wrong at all. Presumably your dds friend goes to swimming lessons every Sat.
Dds friends mum is a twat.

Livelaughlurgy · 09/10/2024 10:05

You're not being irrational. It's really annoying when you've plans and they get changed. But she's done nothing wrong either.

WhereIsMyLight · 09/10/2024 10:05

I think it’s probably an excuse. It’s something she doesn’t want the whole school knowing and so has told her DD it’s swimming. It’s frustrating for you but it doesn’t mean your son can’t have his sleepover.

coffeesaveslives · 09/10/2024 10:08

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:03

That's why everyone is saying the whole swimming lesson thing is probably an excuse for something else.

chipsaway · 09/10/2024 10:09

My first thought was that maybe it was a first lesson until I read your further comments so strange she would arrange one the night before as I wouldn’t want a sleep over at mine the night before a swimming lesson. Girls chatting away till all hours and then getting them up early and parents having to collect early to attend a swimming lesson.

MermaidEyes · 09/10/2024 10:12

I can see how it's a bit strange as presumably this girl has swimming lessons at the same time every week? But I don't get the bit about your son having a sleepover without your daughter in the house? How does she affect his friends coming round? If she's constantly wanting to join in with him and being annoying then you put a stop to it and do something with her on her own to keep her occupied so he can enjoy his time with friends in peace.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 09/10/2024 10:24

Mom could have told her daughter the same thing about the swim lessons because she either doesn't want her daughter to know the truth or she doesn't want her to tell everyone

It certainly sounds like something else is going on

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:26

MermaidEyes · 09/10/2024 10:12

Of course he can have a sleepover when she's there. It's just that because she wasn't going to be there, I thought I'd arrange a boys night for him! We've got the cinema seats booked - now I have to find her an extra seat if she won't b too tired to go after the sleepover, or my DH will have to change his work shifts to stay at home to look after her. Originally I'd planned both kids would b tired on the same day! So we'd planned a pj day for the Sunday etc..

Anyway, my AIBU was more about whether changing birthday party dates is fine for a regular activity or not! Not really about my plans :)

I think I've just always been lucky that this has never happened before. I just presumed it was rude to change a set date after all invites had been accepted. Prepared to accept I'm wrong (kind of!!)

I will assume maybe the swim lesson is just an excuse (though if it was me, I'd have said "I'm so sorry, there's been a bit of an emergency/something urgent has come up and we will have to change the date of the party. I'm sure this is a pain for some of you and I apologise. Hope you understand....". Instead we got "changing the date because I forgot about "Millie's" swimming lesson...")

OP posts:

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 10:29

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:03

You’re behaving as though a sleepover is a wedding!

Teeshs · 09/10/2024 10:35

No not the norm, after a save the date 6 weeks earlier.
Very normal for the OP to think to utilise the empty house for a special sleepover for her son.
Other people might go out with friends if their child was on a sleepover.

So yes OP yanbu to be irritated at her doing it.
For some it might make no difference but for others who might make plans based on this, yes it would be very irritating.

Sundaymondaytuesdayetc · 09/10/2024 10:39

I'd be very annoyed about this.
Messing every body around because she " forgot" about a swimming lesson which is a regular occurrence?

Really inconsiderate behaviour.

Gemmawemma9 · 09/10/2024 12:05

A weeks notice is absolutely fine. YABU. Can you move your sons sleepover to the Friday too? So same plans all round, just different date?

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 13:09

Haha! No I'm not moving his sleepover because I think it's rude to so with so little notice and cinema tickets are booked! My child and his friends are leaving okong forward to it :) His friends parents may well have made plans etc..

I don't think a week's notice is fine when the date is set 6 weeks before! Maybe we have a different approach to birthdays!! In my house my children and I plan their birthday party in advance. They spend time choosing what they'd like to do, who to invite etc.. and we think carefully about the date! Sometimes we ask a few best friends in advance what might be good dates for them. Once the date is set and invites have been sent out and accepted, the date of the birthday is fixed! The kids get excited about it! presents get bought, take home bags get made, food gets ordered or made or whatever... I just wouldn't think to change the date once all this has been done, just for a regular activity that a child could easily miss! I think I just live in a parallel universe to most people ;)!

OP posts:

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 13:13

Good to get a mix of opinions on this! Thanks all. Seems some would be annoyed and find it rude, others think it's completely fine!

As it's never happened before, I'll still make plans if other parties crop up, but not for this particular child's party in the future. With this family, I'll assume any dates set for parties are 'flexible' and may change :)

OP posts:

Original poster

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 13:24

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 10:29

You’re behaving as though a sleepover is a wedding!

Show quote history

Haha! I'd be fine if it was just a regular sleepover arranged between a friend or two. But this is a birthday party arranged 6 weeks in advance and which we received invitations for etc..! I just didn't expect the date to change!

Is it normal in your area/friendship group to change the date of birthday parties a week before the birthday party? I guess if must be! I'm just surprised!! (In my world it seems rude!!)

OP posts:

HappyWelsh · 12/10/2024 20:58

Absolutely not unreasonable for you to be annoyed op! I’m actually taken back by the replies here TBH, changing a party date a week before over a swimming lesson is ridiculous. I would be annoyed, It’s rude!

ByPeachBiscuit · 12/10/2024 21:04

If dates can change at any time what’s point in sending invites 6 weeks prior?! I’d be annoyed with a change a week before.

Emmz1510 · 12/10/2024 21:05

Well no, birthday parties dates aren’t usually changed, especially not a week before the event! I also don’t consider a swimming lesson a good enough reason and it’s annoying sure.
But whatever plans you’ve made are of no concern to them. Most people won’t really be thinking I can’t really change this because the parents might have made specific plans without their child.
So no it’s not fine, it’s irritating and inconvenient, but nothing for it but to suck it up.

Chickadoo · 12/10/2024 21:15

RunFreeLiveHappy · 09/10/2024 10:03

It's not like it was a party where they rented out a hall or something. It's a sleepover. It's pretty casual.

pictoosh · 12/10/2024 21:21

I think her reason was weak - swimming lesson...what of it?
She may not realise that she's messing with others' arrangements by rescheduling for such a petty reason.
I'd be annoyed. I'd suck it up but I'd be annoyed.

Flip

1 2