Would you be annoyed?...

[RunFreeLiveHappy]

Just curious to know how people would feel about this!...

Received invite from DDs friend for her birthday sleepover about 6 weeks in advance. We were free so accepted the invite and saved the date. Over the next couple of weeks all the other parents accepted the invite (about 6 girls in total attending the birthday sleepover). DD was excited. Date was set in the calendar.

About 3-4 weeks before the sleepover I decided to take the opportunity to arrange a movie night and sleepover at our house for DDs brother and his friends! DS never has house to himself so he was super excited to have his friends over with no sister around the place! All his friends were invited and accepted the invite. We were looking forward to going out to the movies and not having to worry about DD who'd b at her friends sleepover! Both kids would have a great weekend. I was excited for them.

Then a week before the sleepover, mum of DDs friend sends a message to say she has had to change date of birthday sleepover because she has forgotten her daughter had her swimming lesson the morning after the sleepover and she didn't want her to miss it. So they wanted to bring it forward to the Friday (instead of Saturday night). Surely she knew about the swimming lesson weeks ago?

I was really pissed off because imo a regular activity like a swimming lesson is not a good enough reason to change the date of a birthday party with a week's notice. Because this birthday sleepover had been arranged weeks ago I'd made plans for my DS, we were all excited etc..

So anyway, this has never happened with any other birthday party - that the date is changed a week before. Especially not sleepover parties.

What are your thoughts on it? Is it completely fine to do this? Am I being unreasonable feeling pissed off? Would you ever do this?

The only time I'd change the date of a birthday party at a week's notice was if an emergency arose.

Any thoughts? (I am irrationally pissed off and know I should let it go! I'm obviously nice to the mum, haven't shown my pissed-offness. She's nice enough).

A sleepover is a sleepover from your POV, though. It’s just a kid out of the house overnight. The only difference is she may be taking a birthday present with her. The oddest thing here to me is the hosting child issuing invitations six weeks in advance, not the switch of dates. (But perhaps understandable if it’s a weekend night and families tend to go away at weekends.)

You just sound like you’re making an unnecessarily big deal about it. DS has never had a sleepover for his birthday, but has attended lots, and they’ve been pretty casual, and largely indistinguishable from normal sleepovers, of which we’ve had loads down the years. They’ve sometimes just emerged on the day, if DS has had friends over and no one wanted to stop playing by about 7 o’clock, so we’ve just ordered pizza and checked how many sleeping bags we had.

I mean, I could understand you being annoyed if you’d decided to head out to a one-off event on the original date, but you were going to be at home anyway.

I’d be annoyed too. A week is far too short notice and will mess lots of people’s plans up. Same as you OP - I would only do that in an emergency and would be very apologetic.

People forget things my god get over yourself

Just shift your son's sleep over a day forward things are not that important

I would be annoyed as they just assumed that everyone would be free on the new date.
I like to plan everything in advance and send invites out 2 months in advance. I don’t like running the risk that people can’t attend if the date moves.
Everyone saying it doesn’t matter fair play to them but if you issue a date then stick to it unless it’s an emergency. She sounds disorganised and flaky.

Your DD was invited, they changed the date for whatever reason. Either your DD goes or she doesn't. Whatever onwards plans you've made are not the birthday families responsibility, the party could have been cancelled for any reason, they don't owe you a daughter free night.

You are irrationally pissed off. Calm down

This. There will be a reason like her partner's an arse and wants it on Friday night as he wants to get bladdered on Saturday

They don't assume everyone is free. This is where everyone goes. Oh no what a shame we can't do friday

I can’t believe people are saying you’re unreasonable!
id be mad if someone changed a date with a weeks notice to something that had been organised 6 weeks in advance for a swim lesson, and im a swim teacher!!!! I am sure the girl could miss a swim lesson so surely that isn’t the real reason.
you’re not unreasonable. It IS rude to change a date with such little notice. I’d never just change the date of my son’s bday party last minute and expect people to change their lives for it!

Yes i would be pissed off. I can't stand disorganised people🙈

I don’t think you are being irrational, it’s annoying for you because on this occasion you decided to use the opportunity to make arrangements while one was out for your other one, which was a lovely idea. Unfortunately however annoying these things are, these things do happen, it’s not the end of the world and in all honesty it doesn’t matter their reason and it’s not really your place to decide what is an acceptable ‘excuse’ reason to swap the day.

so basically yes it’s annoying and it’s caused you and inconvenience but it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ no point getting too worked up on it. Xx

Have you ever come across the concept of not sweating the small stuff? It might help.

Stupid reason to move a birthday sleep over, swimming lessons are at the same time and place every bloody week so this mum knew that when booking the lessons, organising the sleepover, sending out the invites etc.

I'd let dd miss a lesson for a birthday party especially her bloody own!

So either this mum is lying and it's something else and the swim lesson is just a cover for the real reason or she just disorganised.

Either way, not a lot you can do now except prepare for 2 tired kids on Sunday.

Exactly!

I could anbsolutely understand the OP’s annoyance if she’d arranged to be away overnight on the original sleepover night, or if they had unchangeable plans for the new date and her child was really disappointed.

But none of this is the case. The OP was planning to be at home on the original night. Her daughter is free on the rearranged night. Literally nothing needs to be cancelled and rearranged because of the sleepover date changing. Whether or not the reason given for the change is ‘reasonable’ or even true is completely irrelevant.

This thread is really illuminating as to just how clenched, routine-bound and irritable some people are. I mean, no wonder so many Mners hate going on holidays, find packing and getting to the airport stressful, and miss their own beds, tea, food, routines etc while away, if changing the date of a sleepover causes this much suppressed fury and angst.

Of course she knew about the lesson, she forgot.
Perfectly reasonable to change date.
It only bothers you cause you head something arranged on the back of it.

I'd be totally annoyed with this. You are not being unreasonable at all. When you organise something like that, the only way you cancel it is if something completely unavoidable comes up. It's unlikely many people would be able to change at such short notice.

Woah, calm down!
OP states in a reply that she is taking DS and his friends out to a movie on the Saturday, so she is not planning to be home that night. She is having to rearrange her existing plans to suit a change of date of a party - with one week's notice. How is this being uptight? It is rude of the birthday parent to change the date at all, let alone one week prior. Regardless of whether OP 'lets' her daughter attend on the new date she will need to change her plans on the original date. This is annoying and OP is not unreasonable to be put out by this.
Fwiw, I have never ever changed a party date or had someone else change the date of a child's party (my DC is 15)