Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who is Unreasonable here-ME, DS(4) or HIS AUNT?

31 replies

Elephantsbreath · 22/04/2008 23:28

This afternoon I took my 4 year old ds to see my sister (38) and nieces. We were supposed to go out to the park but they took such a long time getting themselves together my ds said "Actually I don't want to go with them anymore I just want you to take me'. I said 'Darling that's rude to say that' Upon which my sister said 'Yes you are very rude and very hurtful' and stormed off.

Ds started crying. I sat him on my lap and told him that when we say something that upsets someone we can make it better by saying we are sorry. He was sobbing but tried to say sorry. My sister ignored him. Then she told us to leave.
I got cross with her, we argued & ds and I left.

Ds does need to learn some social skills clearly and quite often tells them what he wants to do a bit bluntly (poss as a result of my encouraging him to be assertive) but he is 4 ffs.

Now I'm furious with my sister for being so blardy over the top and cross with myself for trying to get ds to apologise and wish I'd just stuck up for him in the first place as his Aunt is a first-class nutjob.. Which one of us is BU?

OP posts:
Alambil · 22/04/2008 23:30

He's four - he apologised (rightly IMO), your sister is nasty.

CoolYourJets · 22/04/2008 23:30

She is. $ year olds can't wait for ages and that was probably his way of saying lets go Mummy rather than "jesus hurry up people".

harpomarx · 22/04/2008 23:31

think she is being unreasonable.

kids of that age say hurtful things. all the time.

you have to make light of it and adults should realise that they don't necessarily mean it in that way and get over it!

IdrisTheDragon · 22/04/2008 23:31

I think your sister was being unreasonable. She is 38, your DS is 4. 4 year olds (I have one) are not known for their tact and although they need to be helped along the way, adults should be more in control of themselves.

Don't beat yourself up about getting DS to apologise - he did aplogise and you were right to get him to do so, but I think your sister had rather more aplogising to do.

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 22/04/2008 23:31

Who in their right mind holds a grudge against a 4yo?

avenanap · 22/04/2008 23:31

Your sister is an adult, your child always comes first. You don't need an answer to this. Give her a few days to think about things. Kids, especially 4 year olds, are honest. He was telling you how he was feeling. There's nothing wrong with that. He wanted to go to the park.

harpsichordcarrier · 22/04/2008 23:32

good grief, your sister and only your sister
she sounds like a total brat tbh
I would be ashamed of myseld if I behaved like this
my dear mother gets a bit like this, offended at things children say. it's ludicrous tbh

NoBiggy · 22/04/2008 23:33

That's a bit fucked-up. How can a 38 year old take offence at something a 4 year old says? And even if they do, how can they then treat them like that?

Jeez, she so needs to get the fuck over herself!

fletchaaarr · 22/04/2008 23:34

When my brother was 4 he asked in a loud voice in a quiet welsh village

"why aren't they dead yet?"

He pointed at the old men sitting outside the post office enjoying the sunshine

FFS

He's 4

She needs to get a grip

WigWamBam · 22/04/2008 23:35

"Ds does need to learn some social skills". And he will. But he is 4, so he has the perfect excuse for having undeveloped social skills.

Your sister doesn't have the same excuse; she is an adult, and should have behaved like one.

You were right to ask him to apologise but she should have been adult enough to accept the apology, and if she isn't prepared to accept that 4 year olds need allowances made for them, then I wouldn't let her anywhere near him again.

fletchaaarr · 22/04/2008 23:35

And the old men didn't mind btw

Pavlovthecat · 22/04/2008 23:35

your sister is perhaps not quite on the level of a 4 year old is she?

Rude, absolutely, but I have a sister just as rude, so not at all surprising!

Wisteria · 22/04/2008 23:39

methinks she might have other issues..........

surely no one could be quite so ridiculous otherwise?

madamez · 22/04/2008 23:41

She's a buckethead. What are her DC going to be like, I wonder?

Original poster
Elephantsbreath · 22/04/2008 23:41

lol fletchaarr.

Thanks for this support. Dp try and encourage ds to speak up as sister's dd is a bossy little madam at times. So this is a tender time for him. That's why I'm cross that I didn't handle it better for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elephantsbreath · 22/04/2008 23:42

read -Dp and I

OP posts:
ladymariner · 22/04/2008 23:42

Thats appalling, your sister was totally unreasonable. He was ststing what he wanted to do, and I don't blame him for wanting to go with you only, and then he apologised, poor little fella. She should be ashamed of herself!

kama · 22/04/2008 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NoBiggy · 22/04/2008 23:55

I'm 38 - if I found myself out-stropping a 4 year old I think I'd die of shame.

fletchaaarr · 23/04/2008 00:03

Why You didn't handle it better for him?

I fail to see what you could have done to make the situation better

She was a box of frogs on this one I am afraid

So not your fault and so not his....

Original poster
Elephantsbreath · 23/04/2008 00:06

I suppose because he was so upset and I got him to say sorry anyway. She can be a scary moo but must be doubly so if you're 4. I dunno.

OP posts:
fletchaaarr · 23/04/2008 00:13

But you were teaching him the appropriate way to behave

Well done you

Shame she didn't respond in kind

Honestly - you were fab, he was 4 year old rudish, you were fab, he was grown up 4 year old I must appologise ish, you were fab.

Sometimes they have to say sorry even when they are upset

she was a box of frogs

you did nothing wrong

fletchaaarr · 23/04/2008 00:14

oh and

Original poster
Elephantsbreath · 23/04/2008 00:19

thanks Fletch

OP posts:
duchesse · 23/04/2008 00:31

She is BU- you cannot take everything a small child at face value. Her children must have been perfection itself at that age if they never said anything inappropriate or out of place (not rude if you're not trying to offend imo). Tell your little boy that she was not feeling very well, (had a sore tummy or something) and maybe he will not be too upset by it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread