Childcare as a lone parent Issue

[8lbOfSugar]

Not AIBU but I'm desperate for advice/help so posting here for traffic. Sorry.

How could/does a lone parent to really young children, manage childcare if you need it? Especially if you have a limited support network.
For example, i have therapy appointments due to start for 16 weeks soon and for obvious reasons can't have my 10 week old DS with me in appointments, they also don't facilitate creches etc, which again is understandable. i also have to travel to these appointments which I'll have to factor into any childcare.
My network consists of my mum, who I'm very low contact and GP but my GM is in ill health and is having regular falls at the moment.

How can I manage this? I'm utterly clueless with all this.

Pay for childcare.

I totally empathise with you here OP. My DH killed himself while I was PG. I returned to work when DS was 4 months old - boy was that a life-saver to me(!) The general assumption is that you can just turn up to appointments whenever. I can't offer any practical help, just 😍

I can tell you a funny BF story though. I'm a civil servant & was BFing my DS when I returned to work & was given both the time & space to express. I left my expressed breast milk in a baby bottle in a fridge. When I went to collect it I found that some of it was missing. So I left a message on the fridge saying 'To whoever took my breast milk. You are welcome to borrow it, but please leave enough for my baby's tea'. Funnily enough no-one ever touched it again. 😂

Obviously that's my only option but the only option coming up for me locally are nurseries. Would they accept me for only 1 half day a week for 16 weeks? Would I be able to increase those hours/days once I go back to work? Won't it affect our place on a waitlist for when I actually need a nursery placement?

I have no clue on how to answer these questions.

You have two option paid childcare or take child .

i was I. Therapy before I had my Ds . It continued after - he came with me .

@Ibloodylovetea 🤣🤣 No way!! did the culprit ever get revealed?

Our nursery takes babies from 3 months. And if it's a regular weekly time then it wouldn't be a problem. Why would it affect a future placement?

I would take a 10 week old to therapy with me

No I suspect they were too busy puking 😂

I think you need to contact the service and ask if you can take your baby with you.

I would take my 10 week old and let them know in advance.

Could you reach out to a local childminder? They can be really helpful in these situations ☺️

Sympathies - have been in a similar situation and it really is tricky. I feel like only phoning the nurseries will give you the answers you need. Have you looked on childcare.co.uk or at the list of childminders registered on Ofsted - maybe some are qualified to look after babies.
I did my therapy online. Seems a shame this can't be accommodated given your circumstances.

You need to find a robust, ad hoc babysitter. An experienced mum / child minder / nursery worker for a tot that young, perhaps a stay at home mum whose children are at school. Look at childcare.co.uk and see if there is anything appropriate. But I would also just take baby with you for the therapy appointments.

@Starlightstarbright3@leia24 @MouseofCommons. They've specifically stated numerous times that I can not take my DS with me. For this they've stated 2 reasons, 1 being the appointments will take place on the grounds of a MH hospital (I don't know the correct term sorry) so apparently it may become a safeguarding issue. And 2. They specifically want the time after the sessions where I'll be travelling home to be my "decompression time". They stated they don't recommend immediately going back into parent mode after a session.

Perinatal are the facilitators of these sessions if that is relevant.

It's not simply a question of letting them know in advance. The therapist might not feel able to provide the service with a child present. ETA - apologies - I see the OP has posted just above my post.

Do they have to face to face sessions?

Have online therapy for now and then in person once baby is older. Or hire a babysitter as nursery won't work for that amount of time. Childcare.com or similar may have one near you

so sorry op - editing to say that most of my post I wrote isn’t relevant i think having seen your update now - sorry!

xxxxxxxxxx

OP at 10 weeks I would take the baby with me or ask for a virtual appointment and pop the baby in a sling and stand with your laptop on kitchen counter or chat on the phone. If the service is at all tailored to post-natal this should come up frequently for them, and if it’s private it should work around you and if not might be best to seek out someone who is more flexible?

In Covid everything was virtual so if that’s the only way you can access publicly funded care (if it is that), hopefully they would be able to accommodate that.

Otherwise a local nanny that is perhaps looking to top up their hours for a bit might be a good bet. And can maybe visit you. Check their references/registrations.
i think your child is a little young for many nurseries

I’m a single parent and it can be logistically challenging (!) and tiring but you kind of muddle through and find some solutions after a while! I take my DC to places/appointments sometimes that I never thought I would :)

it’s extra hard in the early days as you’re so tired and also in the post partum period and recovering from birth (!) but it does get easier.

The service might not be willing to provide therapy with a child present even if it were to be online.

Surely they can compromise and do it over the phone . All my appointments I have done over the phone or taken my children with me. When they see that you have no other option but to bring the baby in with you they will be more likely to compromise.
Or like alot of us do in states of emergencies ... if the situation was really that serious then you would contact your mum

Just seen your update op. Do you have a perinatal point of contact / lead coordinator at all that you can talk this through?

if you can afford it and find someone qualified - I definitely used babysitting in an adhoc manner. Your baby is young tho and I think it should also depend on what you’re comfortable with and can afford. And if your breastfeeding.

perinatal is meant to support your wellbeing so I really think they should talk through the practicalities of accessing the service as a single parent. It sort of doesn’t sit right to me personally - ie they’ve ’offered’ you something brilliant but it’s not fully accessible to you.

I think a local childminder/baby sitter is probably what you need. Do you have Facebook and are you part of your local neighbourhood groups? People usually post their services on there

I think a childminder would be best in this situation. I'm a cm and would happily have a baby in these circumstances if I had space.

A local childminder can also be another person to have in your support network.

@Anotheranonymousnameismine yes I have a perinatal point of contact who is aware of these concerns and have said they will look into transport help to reduce the time I will need to be away from DS which will "make childcare slightly more manageable". Its been sold to me that this is probably my only opportunity to have this specific therapy on the NHS.

It's not a general talky counselling session, it's CAT therapy.

Ah OK I work with perinatal MH team a lot and they aren't great with the whole idea that mums might have a very limited support network. I'd speak to them about it and ask them what they recommend. You might need to find a childminder. Nursery won't usually take children for one day a week as the gap between sessions is too big.