Childcare as a lone parent Issue

[8lbOfSugar]

Not AIBU but I'm desperate for advice/help so posting here for traffic. Sorry.

How could/does a lone parent to really young children, manage childcare if you need it? Especially if you have a limited support network.
For example, i have therapy appointments due to start for 16 weeks soon and for obvious reasons can't have my 10 week old DS with me in appointments, they also don't facilitate creches etc, which again is understandable. i also have to travel to these appointments which I'll have to factor into any childcare.
My network consists of my mum, who I'm very low contact and GP but my GM is in ill health and is having regular falls at the moment.

How can I manage this? I'm utterly clueless with all this.

Have you asked if they would consider doing it on the phone or online? In your situation I don't think there's much other option?

As a LP with no support I had to give up on the idea of childcare unless my child was in nursery. Even now when DC is older I still book everything when child is at school. I can't afford childcare. So gave up looking for it or relying on it. So hard.

Look on childcare.co.uk you’ll be able to find a nanny or childminder/babysitter for an hour here or there.

I have asked these questions already and they remain pretty rigid. They said it has to be face to face and onsite of the local MH hospital, no child present at all both on the grounds or in the session.

the location is something im wary about anyways and have raised numerous times, as has my HV as its 30-40 minutes away via bus to the town alone and 10 minute walk up a very steep hill that's unaccessible to transport in the mid autumn/winter darkness anyways (my sessions are between 3.30-4.30)😬.

I've waited 4 years for this therapy though so I'm very much battling with the pros and cons of it all.

Just had a look on this site, the options in my specific area are either full or haven't been active in quite some time. I have until November until my sessions begin so I shall keep checking and try reaching out to people. I don't want to go down the SM route though as our local area is very sketchy at the moment and I don't want to put my baby at risk just so I can do these appointments.

Just to clarify is nursery probably definitely not an option then due to DS age and the need for the small amount of hours for a short period?

you pay. i have 4 kids and i struggle to do anything as they don’t see their father and i have no family so i just don’t do things. i could pay but id rather not. otherwise you built a support network so you have friends that will help and babysit your child for you though most only do that as an emergency rather than regular child care.

Make a profile on childcare.co.uk lots of childcarers look on there but don't always update their profile, they can message you if it works for them, also there's an app called bubble which provide adhoc baby sitters and nanny's. I am an ad hoc nanny and use both these sites for work just like this.

Rather than using the Childcare website, which you have to pay for and lots of childminders don't use, call your council - they will have an early years or family information service who can give you contact details of all local childminders.
Then just call or email them and see if anyone can help.

I think if I was you this would be my plan to find childcare:

1 - start calling all the private nurseries in your immediate area and ask them the question. Set up tours of any who say they would take you on for half a day a week and have availability for November. It may be perfect for them as they are likely to have the odd small gap in their ratios here and there that are difficult to fill.

2 - get onto NextDoor and/or local Facebook groups and ask if anyone has recommendations for a childminder

3 - call your local council and ask if they have an up to date list of local childcare providers

Look for Ofsted registered providers as you can then use things like taxfree childcare/universal credit (if you're eligible) to help with the cost.

You could look into your local childminders or nursery's. Most nursery's usually require two sessions a week, so possibly two half days, if its affordable to you. It also depends on if they have space, what age they take babies from.

The only break I had was when I was at work. I had dc all of the rest of the time.

I just couldn't do anything out of hours.

No gym. No socialising. No appointments I couldn't take a dc to.

Hold off on the appointments and do them once you are back at work? Then use annual leave/ flexitime?

Sounds so tricky OP. I really hope you find a solution to get things aligned.

You won't know until you ask the nurseries. I've found the nurseries in my area to be a lot more accommodating than what I hear about from others on here.

Poor you. I was also single with a newborn I'm sorry that you're not on great terms with parents

You can - ask gp if they have specialist mum and baby counselling - this was offered to me in London

Hire a by the hour babysitter. Get them to meet you at the appointment and they can cuddle baby (hope baby will stay asleep!) while you go in

Just bring in baby

also -

I don’t know if this helpful to share but I received a variety of perinatal interventions, some specialist/psychiatric regular appts… all online during Covid.

I guess policy has got stricter again!! (maybe to do with effectiveness or about safety etc)… but my understanding of the perinatal offer was that it’s meant to be tailored to your needs (including as a mother).

if they can’t accommodate you and your 10week old (and childcare doesn’t work) - I feel like it’s not unwarranted to make a complaint if you want to.

Call local childminders - many will be happy to help and a tiny baby is really quite easy to care for.
If you are in Cornwall I do ad hoc care but the chances are pretty slim you are in my neck of the woods. I recommend childcare.co.uk - pop in your postcode and see what comes up. Make sure they are ofsted registered and you'll know they are first aid trained and dbs checked. X

Did you make any friends at nct? Could they help?
This is so frustrating for you there must be a local sahm or a mum of a baby who could come for those house, even a cleaner who is a mum herself as all they need to do is cuddle baby for an hour - you'd need to meet and trust them first but if they wait in the hospital with baby with cctv they should be ok?

Thank you for all the suggestions. Having to look for childcare with an ultimate stranger for my 10 week old baby isn't something I'm hugely keen on but if it's the only way I'm able to access these appointments then I guess it's a situation I'm going to have to deal with.

Financially I could manage a half a day or 2 but I need to be 100% sure they are going to be in the best hands. Like is a 10 week old going to be manageable with a minder to child ratio?

I am really sorry to hear of your plight. I was widowed with three children at a really young age. I don’t know how I coped as my life was a blur until the kids became less dependent.

i had a succession of teen au pairs and language students who paid their way and helped out, but I went to work which kept me sane and meant I did not have to stick with baby talk all day. I don’t know what the post Brexit situation is but au pairs who are eager to come to the UK and learn English can be really helpful and they will help out. They are reasonable and won’t break the bank and will allow you to have a life.

I also had surestart which was amazing. I don’t know whether there are still surestart nurseries that can help. It ia a hard and long day but you can leave the kids until 6 in some case. I would also get friendly with local mums who can help out with last minute help and care. I did not really have family nearby.

good luck.

When my child was a young baby I used staff from the local nursery to babysit. They were excellent and happy to work for a couple of hours at a time. I carried on using them as babysitters until aged 5. It may be worth a try.

Otherwise I think I would ask for virtual meetings.