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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More a WWYD - Child's concert or family party

43 replies

palmtreesoliveleaves · 08/10/2024 16:47

My youngest (DS8) has recently joined the choir at school and has been practising at home. He said he was doing a concert but didn't know details when I've been asking him and I figured it would come out in due course as I hadn't already received an email.

Today he's come home telling me i need to contact the school as I should have received an email. He's brought a leaflet home saying the concert is a Saturday night with a brass band and fiddle orchestra..

Normally this would be okay BUT for the first time ever we've arranged to go to DH's family for a Halloween party which is about an hour from us and were planning on staying with some of them and making a weekend of it. We've bought the costumes for the 4 of us, eldest is 11.

We were really looking forward to it as we had a family bereavement last year and this is the first time we've arranged to see the wider family since as all meet ups used to be through the relative who died.

DS who is due to sing says he doesn't want to go to the party now and I know the concert is really important to him. There will be other family parties I guess. It's just a kicker because we honestly rarely do anything and this one time...

It's the right decision yes?

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 08/10/2024 16:49

Husband takes eldest to party. You take eldest to concert.

Mumofteenandtween · 08/10/2024 16:50

You take youngest to concert.

TickingAlongNicely · 08/10/2024 16:51

What time is the concert? Any way you can do both?

madnessitellyou · 08/10/2024 16:52

One parent goes to the party. The other parent goes to the concert. The concert is unlikely to last hours and hours, so could join the rest of the family afterwards.

user2848502016 · 08/10/2024 16:53

What time is the concert/party? Can you go to the party late after the concert?

Allfur · 08/10/2024 16:53

You go concert and join party after

SkaneTos · 08/10/2024 16:53

Good advice from the previous posters.

Original poster
palmtreesoliveleaves · 08/10/2024 17:49

Concert starts at 7.30pm and will last 2hrs maybe? Then an hour to the party. Too late to go then, plus we only have 1 car.

I broke the news to the eldest, who it turns out was quite happy as he thinks he's too cool for the party (until I told him where we're all going instead!).

OP posts:
ehb102 · 08/10/2024 17:50

Do both if you can. As a choir leader I've watched children who don't get to do the performance because they have a family commitment. They really do feel the loss.

PacificAtlantic · 12/10/2024 16:55

Whatever you do make sure to feed back to the choir adult the distress such short notice coms caused your child and ask for more notice for future events.

Lemonadeand · 12/10/2024 17:05

I think you should honour the prior commitment.

Dawevi · 12/10/2024 17:15

You have to all go to the concert. it's important to your child.

BrickSnail · 12/10/2024 17:24

Concert, without a doubt

Xmasdaft2023 · 12/10/2024 17:32

One parent does party, one does concert ?

Zanatdy · 12/10/2024 17:34

The concert is most important

SunblockSue · 12/10/2024 17:36

Concert is a fabulous excuse not to have to go to an awful Halloween party. (Though to be honest I'd rather go to the dentist than a fancy dress party)

Ozanj · 12/10/2024 17:37

Concert performance beats family party sorry

Macaroninecklace · 12/10/2024 17:42

Family party - because it’s a whole weekend, they’re people you haven’t seen for a year and you already committed to it. If it was just a party with people you saw regularly I’d say differently. But most school choirs will have multiple performances per year. I wouldn’t miss a significant family event so my child could sing a couple of songs in a single performance, unless they were lead soloist or something.

And then I’d ask the school for the dates for future performances so I could ringfence them.

Autumn38 · 12/10/2024 17:45

If you were going for the weekend then head down after the concert.

is he performing in the whole concert? Any chance his performance might be at the start of the night?

even if it’s late for the party at least you will be there for the morning and the rest of the weekend.

If I was party host I’d be disappointed but understand but it would mean a lot for you to make an effort to try to attend part of the party.

Gollumm · 12/10/2024 17:46

Your husband takes the eldest to the family party. You take the youngest to the concert and follow them to the family party early the next day, as it'll be too late after the concert. Then your son gets to do what's important to him, your husband gets to spend the weekend with his family and you'll get to spend half the weekend as well. Win win.

MumonabikeE5 · 12/10/2024 17:47

Go to his concert. he has practiced at home .
he is excited. it’s a big deal.

but I think your husband should take your eldest.

and if that means you don’t have a car see if you can figure out a lift etc with mum pal.
or get a cab.

we have to do similar tomorrow.

Autumn38 · 12/10/2024 17:48

The reason I ask about when your son is performing is that if it’s earlier then you could meet him backstage and head off.

im a stickler for etiquette so id probably honour the earlier commitment but i can totally see your dilemma.

Beezknees · 12/10/2024 17:48

Concert, 100%. I chose DS's performances over any other event.

Autumn38 · 12/10/2024 17:48

MumonabikeE5 · 12/10/2024 17:47

Go to his concert. he has practiced at home .
he is excited. it’s a big deal.

but I think your husband should take your eldest.

and if that means you don’t have a car see if you can figure out a lift etc with mum pal.
or get a cab.

we have to do similar tomorrow.

This is a good idea

TeabySea · 12/10/2024 17:50

MumonabikeE5 · 12/10/2024 17:47

Go to his concert. he has practiced at home .
he is excited. it’s a big deal.

but I think your husband should take your eldest.

and if that means you don’t have a car see if you can figure out a lift etc with mum pal.
or get a cab.

we have to do similar tomorrow.

This is a good solution.
There must be another way to get to the family event afterwards, particularly if it's going to be an all-weekend thing.