Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

Sorry you've had a hard time op.

The world is very anti mum.

I barely left the house post 35 weeks.

There is no guarantee of kindness anywhere.

Yes it's policy but also discretion I'd say.
My local garage and Morisons local (both without public toilets) have let my 5 year old son use their staff toilets when I asked.
I'm aware of insurance etc, they and myself chose to take that risk.
I must say whenever I was pregnant I was never refused toilets, I didn't need it much but i do remember using some shop toilets when pregnant.

Having a different opinion doesn’t mean I’m “missing the point”. Don’t try to patronise me.

Yes, very aware of that urge being heavily pregnant myself. But also very aware that it’s an unrealistic expectation to expect access to a toilet wherever I go.

It’s not simply a case of them “seeing that a heavily pregnant woman is not the same category as other people”. There are strict rules in place that they HAVE to follow, whether they like it or not. Breaking these rules based on their own judgement of a customer isn’t an option, and it’s unfair to expect them to do this. Particularly when it puts their job at risk in a cost of living crisis.

I mean seriously??

What a world we live in.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. Have you thought about contacting Co-op and pointing out that your experience didn't align with their corporate values? Might help another woman avoid a similar experience.

I think the obsession on this thread with access to a car is really odd, unless people are having toilets installed in their cars these days?!

But an act of kindness to the OP could mean someone losing their job, which would be very unkind for them. I don't know what the answer is really. It all started when people stopped considering accidents as one of those things and started suing for all they could get.

I understand what you are saying but surely the issue here is that both of the facilities for the public and the staff are inadequate here.

Also, I understand that the public do not always respect facilities, but speaking very geberally, if people are treated with decency, they respond in kind.

Op... Hats off to you for engaging in this conversation so reasonably. Everything you've said has been balanced and fair, no attitude of entitlement or blaming at all. Your point of view entirely understandable.
You were caught in a human predicament and as others have said, when society is all hard edges and 'since when were you owed a favour!' or 'why should I!?' we lose that which makes us a community together.
I hope you experience care and kindness out there today and don't let some of the harder voices here dim your humanity.
💐

I still can't see what they could have done differently. Or how they could have been more prepared in the event of your situation arising.

Co-op also has a duty to "be kind" to its staff who are facing record levels of violence and crime.
www.co-operative.coop/media/news-releases/co-op-members-drive-change-as-shopworkers-to-get-the-protection-against

I've been pregnant.
I've also worked in a Coop.

Sorry this happens to you OP. And I'm sorry there's been so many horrible comments on here as well. It's quite distressing for you but I also imagine it's hard for staff to be put in this position as well. It's probably a safety issue. Try a cafe next time.

But it's not just insurance as others have pointed out. Letting the public out the back of shops where there is stock and staffs belongings is not a good idea.
If you decide to allow "pregnant women" what about the elderly lady who has bladder issues? So you let her go. Then a younger woman in her 30s who says she has bladder issues? Or the man who says he has prostate issues so it's desperate? Where do you draw the line? How do you know if anyone is lying? Do you let the smartly dressed 30 year old man use it because he's polite and well dressed? But not the 30 year old man who looks homeless? The pregnant lady who actually might be a criminal despite being pregnant. Or the non pregnant lady who genuinely has issues but you can't tell.
A young 20 year old staff member might be OK to follow the pregnant lady to the loo and keep an eye on her. Not so sure about her doing the same with the 40 year old scruffy bloke who claims he's desperately.

Doubtful.

Apologies, commented on the wrong post.

I'm not suggesting Joe public wanders around the stockroom without supervision fgs. Obviously a member of staff would have to go with them. I'm not sure what you mean by "appropriate footwear". What sort of dangerous terrain will be in the average shop that requires "appropriate footwear" to get to the toilet?

If people on job interviews are covered by insurance because they are accompanied why would any other member of the public not to be covered by insurance if they are accompanied.

Not to mention a lack of basic reading skills. The OP was on her way home when she needed the toilet. Unless she has previously undisclosed powers of Startreck levels of instant transportation she could not have made it home.

Then the staff member gets in trouble because there's no one manning the tills or whatever.

I wish it were different but people in retail are often doing the jobs of three people already, and they get very little grace from managers when things don't go as planned.

The issue is lack of public toilets. It's not co-ops fault. All high streets, decent sized parks etc should have one.
And mums, Tena and pelvic floor exercises are your friends!

@GreyCarpet

Because I imagine that the reason that the staff member didn’t help today was not because she didn’t want to. I imagine she was worried about the consequences she would personally face by helping another individual in need.

If coop truly wanted to embody it’s values, then there would be a culture where a staff member going above and beyond to care for others would be praiseworthy rather than punishable.

I'm not suggesting Joe public wanders around the stockroom without supervision fgs. Obviously a member of staff would have to go with them. I'm not sure what you mean by "appropriate footwear". What sort of dangerous terrain will be in the average shop that requires "appropriate footwear" to get to the toilet?

I mean, you can laugh and scoff all you like, but most retail environments require you to wear certain types of footwear - normally closed shoes at a minimum, or steel toe caps in the warehouse or other areas. You wouldn't be allowed to wander through in sandals or ballet shoes for example.

If people on job interviews are covered by insurance because they are accompanied why would any other member of the public not to be covered by insurance if they are accompanied.

I'm guessing because someone who is there for a job interview has given their details (name, address, phone number) whereas someone who is just shopping there wouldn't have done.

I'm not suggesting that's the staff do that if it leaves no one in the shop. That obviously wouldn't make sense. My point is it's nothing to do with insurance. I'm pretty sure if OP went to a chemist shop they would take her to the staff toilet if there was a medical reason.

But the size of a building is the size of a building. If we were to build more loos we'd need to lose a treatment room or the reception area.
The place I work is an old terrace house used as a medical place. We rarely have more than 3 or 4 patients in at any one time. So one loo per 3 or 4 people should really be enough. Otherwise we'd need to remove a treatment room, which would kill the business. We'd then have 2 toilets for 1-2 people. And the business would go under as not enough money coming in.
And we have one staff toilet for 5 staff. I think ratio wise that's plenty.
Obviously it's unfortunate if someone is in the loo when you need to go. But if someone is that desperate they can't wait a few mins there's not really much anyone can do about that. Unless you're in your own house no one can guarantee an available toilet instantly.
No company can have a ratio of public to loo as 1:1.

You may find this interesting
https://www.historic-uk.com/CultureUK/History-of-Womens-Public-Toilets-in-Britain/

Small stores just don't have the staff for this, even if there wasn't a blanket policy of "no". The time it would take to get the till covered or summon someone to escort you, plus where staff only toilets are situated, it's just not feasible. The number of big chain supermarkets with dedicated full time cleaning staff whose public toilets i've been in lately showcase just how filthy people can be too. Where theres toilet seats/floors sprinkled with pee from the "hoverers", toilets unflushed full of human waste, broken seats/doors, some cubicles unusable because theyre blocked to overflowing with loo roll or used roll is all over the cubicle floor etc. No wonder all the public toilets are closing, it costs too much to try to keep them clean and useable because people don't respect them. And these were facilities that are supposedly checked every few hours. I have bladder and bowel issues to the point i even have a blue badge and radar key, and the disabled loo/baby change can be just as awful if it's not radar locked.

I sympathise so much, my life is literally dictated by where are there toilets i can use in an emergency (OCD also about germs so its literal last resort to use outside loos) I can't go out anywhere if its not by car as i can't manage even the length of a street or two if my need to go NOW kicks in, I've struggled many a time making it the few hundred metres to the loo from parking right at the shop entrance. But even so, i don't think you're being reasonable.

When you have a condition that can make urgent toilet use a need, you have to plan carefully. Use the loo before leaving the house, and use every loo available at oppertunities between errands etc. I totally get you didn't need a wee when you left the school, but you could've gone just incase. I've lost count how many just in case wees i've done in my life even when i know i'll be out and back in a half hour etc and haven't even that long since been. I had to hobble in to a library a few weeks ago when i was scared i wouldn't make it the 3 streets back to my partners house when i'd only nipped to the corner shop. Its reinforced my rule of wee before i leave the house, even if i went less than an hour earlier as i just cannot trust my bladder.