Neighbour issues

[Amumof287]

Iv posted before about my neighbour who sent me a letter complaining about my little boy kicking his ball over her fence. The outcome was that we stopped him doing it. Bought him a bigger goal net which solved the issue. Prior to the letter we’ve never ever had any complaints from our neighbour. We’ve always been friendly and they had never indicated an issue.

we live on a small estate built in the 60s. We’re on a cul-de-sac. It’s a very wide road. All the houses are detached. There are no parking restrictions and there are no parking issues whatsoever on the road. Everyone has a driveway for at least one car. The road is quiet and nobody parks on it for other uses other than visiting or living there. There is a turning circle at the end of the road which my neighbour lives next to. The kerb outside my house and neighbours house could easily fit 4-5 cars.

in the letter they also asked if we could make sure we don’t park outside their house since she teaches music lessons from home and they need the space for her clients. I thought that was odd as we don’t park outside her house and her clients can park anywhere- she could have an orchestra practicing in there and there would be no parking issue.

We have since found out that they have been emailing my husbands work place complaining about us for a very long time. Complaining that we park on the road and not on the driveway and this included my husbands work vehicles but also our own personal vehicles and also told his employer we are harassing them with footballs.

we do sometimes park on the road as well as the driveway outside our house. This is for various reasons but we’re not obstructing anyone, we’re not in front of their house and they’re taxed and legally parked. It’s mainly because we’re really busy, in and out leaving at different times. Working shift patterns etc and sometimes it happens. We have very very occasionally parked in the turning circle when we’ve had visitors etc but everyone on the road does this. This circle has 5 detached houses around it, it’s huge.

we’ve recently done some work down the side of our house and offered to replace her fence panels for no charge, which she accepted. She has knocked on our door to borrow our lawn mower recently.our house is clean, tidy. We are not loud, we both work hard and have young children. They have said all the neighbours have a problem with us and I’m just really upset and feel that emailing his employer, having never ever voiced a concern to us is so out of line.

we need to speak to them about it all but we’re both feeling extremely anxious about it. They’ve sent photos of our house and cars to his employer and I had no idea he was taking photos. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for really I’m just really upset. Should we approach other neighbours? Write a letter? I don’t like conflict.

I would be writing them 7 letters. First one F....
Ignore them. From now on never acknowledge them at all. They don't exist.. Don't respond which is what they want. To blackened you to neighbours.. You haven't done anything wrong.. But I would be parking in front of their house ever day forever more....

What complete lunatics! Ignore them, and certainly don’t loan them your lawnmower.

Just completely ignore them and carry on as though they don't exist.
Don't pander to them, don't second guess reasonable actions that they might invent offence to, basically don't let them in any way impact your behaviour for their unreasonable benefit.

If they are contacting your husbands employer might that constitute harassment?

sounds like stalking and harrassement to me! they clearly have an issue with your husbands work veh's being parked on the street as its his employer they are complaining too, but i find it odd that his employer has not told your husband about this?

i would have a chat with the local PCSO, see if they can mediate for you but apart from that i would suggest just ignoring them as long as you are not committing any parking offences, just leave them too it.

don't respond to the communication you are having and when they ask to borrow this, that and the other, it would be a firm no from me.

They sound like complete micro-managers about the 'correct' way of doing things. Likely they would be annoyed if they found you weren't having fish on Fridays. Writing to your DH's employer is really below the belt. Likely he hasn't said anything because he laughed and then chucked the letter in the round file. They go behind your back and then want to borrow your mower? Personally I would lend it, because that may lead to you knowing each other better and them seeing things from your pov. But I would be wary of them. I would also likely sound out the other neighbours as it would be nice to have them agree YANBU, but of course you can't guarantee whose side they'd be on.

I'm sorry OP, the Lottery of Life has decided its your turn to live next door to the nutters. Never speak to them again. Just pretend they aren't there. These are the kind of people who used to write 'poison pen letters' in the days before social media. Bet the local Facebook page is a treat.

May seem a silly question but how old is the neighbour? Very odd of them to be making trouble with an employeer but happy to knock on and ask to borrow your mower and take your free fence panels. Cheeky at the very least.

She’s approximately 60 and her son lives there on and off. He’s in his 30s I would say. Iv never actually spoken to him but we’ve lived here 4 years nearly and i have spoken to her numerous times on the front garden. Always friendly. I only knew there was an issue when she posted the letter and I realised I had made a mistake with my son which I accept. we exchange Xmas cards, Iv recommended trades people for her. Its blindsided me completely.

The fact that they contacted your husbands employer DOES constitute harassment and for that reason as well as the other reasons you posted I suggest you complain to your local council, include a detailed log of the dates, times, details of incidents with this nieghbour from now on, just stop communicating with them because they are becoming a liability to you. They should get a warning from the council, you can report them online on your local councils website.

Hope this helps.

Sending you a letter of complaint - alright.

Contacting your husbands employer to complain and sending them pictures - harassment, not alright.

Doing all of this whilst asking for favours and taking free fences from you, cheeky AF. Something must be going on with them because it's odd behaviour.

I wouldn't be feeling anxious, I would be really bloody angry. I would try and speak to the police, local community police or whatever they are called. I would want all of this logging, someone needs to tell them what they are doing isn't ok.

I think contacting your Husbands employer tips it into you need to contact the police territory, its harrassment

We have a similar neighbour.. She told me I couldn't park outside her house as I was blocking her light.. She parks outside her ndn... She scratched my car and let ds's tyres down when we parked there.. We avoid it for our cars safety... The irony of it is she owns a car park. Kept locked at the side of her house.. Space for a dozen cars.... Instead she buys a permit like the rest of us to park on the road... Can't find logic with the batshit...

They're obviously highly conflict avoidant and passive aggressive since they're doing all of this via letters and not speaking to you face to face. I would suggest going over there very calmly and having a conversation with them explaining that they need to raise issues with you in person like grown ups and in future you will not be responding to any mystery letters dropped through your letter box etc. If they're as conflict avoidant as they sound the idea of having to actually talk to you about this stuff is probably their worst nightmare so the best way to put them off may be insisting on speaking to them directly about things, every time.

Also probably get a doorbell camera, always a good idea if you have a mad neighbor!

I also think it's worth talking to the local police about potential harassment. Keep all communications she's sent to your husband's work. A strongly worded solicitor's letter might be needed.
I would avoid parking work vehicles outside of her house and not park in the turning circle ever (even if others do it, it's legitimately annoying) because that drags your DH's employer into things, but if it's legal to park in the road, then I'd be parked outside her house every day, with a security camera on my car!
I'm a stroppy cow and I'd be inclined to buy a shed of a car, tax and insure it and then leave it parked permanently outside her house and deny it was mine.

Some councils do have local regulations about parking commercial vehicles in residential areas, especially overnight, so it would be worth checking your council’s take on this. The likelihood is that there are no reasons why you should not park there, as long as it is safe etc. it may help your neighbours to accept that you can park there, if they are mistakenly thinking that you are in the wrong.

It sounds like she could well have MH issues. People who write letters of complaint do not then pop round to borrow something or have garden chats and exchange Christmas cards.

Your husband's work van allowed to be parked on a residential street?

Get your own back, ignore her, don't lend her anything, complain to the council about her piano noise, let HMRC know maybe she's not declaring her income.

Don't replace her fence if not already done so.

@Amumof287
If it was just the usual moans & grumblings of an elderly neighbour then I would say the best way forward is to just ignore it as best you can but this is different.
This person has taken photos and repeatedly contacted your husband's employer - this is harassment. This type can not be reasoned with in person or by letter from yourself so really your only option is to get a solicitor to write a cease & desist letter to her.
What does your husband's employer think about these unsolicited communications? It would be wise to obtain copies and take them to the solicitor if you choose to go and consult one. Most employers think things like this are a joke but these are, presumably, very determined efforts to get your husband into trouble and they can cause damage to a persons working reputation.

I would also think that you're not the only neighbour she's harassed and that most are very aware of her issues - they just want to keep off of her radar and say nothing to draw her attention.

Just to point out his vehicles change sometimes. Sometimes they’re just cars- estates usually. Sometimes vans. Only one at a time. There was a short time where he had 2 but it was just a crossover where he was waiting for one to be collected. One of the complaints to the company was he doesn’t understand why he needs a works vehicle when we live within walking distance to a train station…

I feel like they’ve been watching my life and Iv been oblivious to it. Thanks for all of the advice so far it’s actually really helped

Maybe it's the son complaining and the mother isn't aware?

This is worth a conversation with the police for advice as this would constitute harassment. However please note that when you come to sell your house you would have to declare this issue.

That last post indicates they're batshit

They're saying you should get the train instead of having a car ?

Yet they have a car.....

Never speak to them again. I doubt very much the other neighbours think this.

Get a solicitor to send them a letter saying stop harassing us.

And just ignore them forever.