Neighbour issues

[Amumof287]

Iv posted before about my neighbour who sent me a letter complaining about my little boy kicking his ball over her fence. The outcome was that we stopped him doing it. Bought him a bigger goal net which solved the issue. Prior to the letter we’ve never ever had any complaints from our neighbour. We’ve always been friendly and they had never indicated an issue.

we live on a small estate built in the 60s. We’re on a cul-de-sac. It’s a very wide road. All the houses are detached. There are no parking restrictions and there are no parking issues whatsoever on the road. Everyone has a driveway for at least one car. The road is quiet and nobody parks on it for other uses other than visiting or living there. There is a turning circle at the end of the road which my neighbour lives next to. The kerb outside my house and neighbours house could easily fit 4-5 cars.

in the letter they also asked if we could make sure we don’t park outside their house since she teaches music lessons from home and they need the space for her clients. I thought that was odd as we don’t park outside her house and her clients can park anywhere- she could have an orchestra practicing in there and there would be no parking issue.

We have since found out that they have been emailing my husbands work place complaining about us for a very long time. Complaining that we park on the road and not on the driveway and this included my husbands work vehicles but also our own personal vehicles and also told his employer we are harassing them with footballs.

we do sometimes park on the road as well as the driveway outside our house. This is for various reasons but we’re not obstructing anyone, we’re not in front of their house and they’re taxed and legally parked. It’s mainly because we’re really busy, in and out leaving at different times. Working shift patterns etc and sometimes it happens. We have very very occasionally parked in the turning circle when we’ve had visitors etc but everyone on the road does this. This circle has 5 detached houses around it, it’s huge.

we’ve recently done some work down the side of our house and offered to replace her fence panels for no charge, which she accepted. She has knocked on our door to borrow our lawn mower recently.our house is clean, tidy. We are not loud, we both work hard and have young children. They have said all the neighbours have a problem with us and I’m just really upset and feel that emailing his employer, having never ever voiced a concern to us is so out of line.

we need to speak to them about it all but we’re both feeling extremely anxious about it. They’ve sent photos of our house and cars to his employer and I had no idea he was taking photos. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for really I’m just really upset. Should we approach other neighbours? Write a letter? I don’t like conflict.

Agreed.

I would go round there today and say ‘Hi Elaine, have you got time for a chat? Can I come in? And I would have a really frank chat. I would say ‘Chris is getting in trouble at work because you keep emailing his bosses about us? Are we really such awful neighbours? What’s your main issue and we’ll fix it today. I don’t want to upset you. Is it the van? His bosses have no concern as to where he parks his van, the emails are just irritating them. The road is huge, we always park considerately. I apologise again for Jack’s football, but we’ve sorted that. I don’t want to fall out Elaine, you are a great neighbour, but if you have a problem, SPEAK to me, stop the silly emails and letters.

Be assertive but polite. She sounds like a pain the ass, busybody, if you go round and chat one on one she’ll probably shit herself.

Whatever you do don't contact them, but do talk to the police as soon as you can.

Clearly nuts or MH issues as one more compassionate poster suggested. Zero contact. You can't reason with people who are nuts.

Sorry but no. This clearly isn’t going to work on an unreasonable person.

@Amumof287 I wonder if it is the son who complains and his Mother is ok with things. That would explain why she is friendly enough? How did you find out this had all been going on?

I tried to speak to batshit neighbour... She accused me of not even living in the street despite us being there 8 years! Then suggested I trek 4 x dc across the green and park on the main road.... As if...
She took pics of us from UNDER A TABLE on her phone when I parked up.. . I told her if she continued to photograph my dc I was ringing the police...

Your update makes it sound like it's mostly the son complaining to your DH work. If he lives on and off with his DM in his 30s and is involving himself in the kind of petty issues that only appeal to those with too much time on their hands, I'd guess he is inadequate in some way.

Doubt you can reason with him, having met men like this, their world view is so skewed that you can't accommodate their views. It wouldn't at all surprise me if the underlying issue he has is something about having a works van in the street at all, even if parked on your drive.

Edited for typos

I was told by the police that for communication to qualify as harassment you need to have told the person that you do not want any further letters etc from them.
The most the police would be doing in your situation would be an offer to refer to a free community mediation service.
I would suggest one polite letter to your neighbour stating your position and replying to her complaints.
Then if this does not resolve matters either ignore if you can or try mediation.

Personally I would speak to them.

Explain your disappointment that they've approached an employer when you are legally parked and not yourself.

Explain you have done nothing wrong. Everyone has a right to park on a public highway.

Explain if it continues you will seek legal advice for harassment.

Contacting your husbands employer made this a police matter, they should be your first port of call.

I’d have DH reply to his work and say that there’s an ongoing one-way issue from the neighbour who seems a bit overinvested in your family and while he’s happy to take guidance from work re the vehicles there is context they should be aware of.

And then just live your lives. I would stop lending anything or otherwise having anything to do with them.

I have a crackers neighbour. I smile and wave.

I would second the idea of getting a ring doorbell cam or standalone camera covering the front of your house, and possibly get one covering the back too.

The (multiple, presumably) letters to his workplace are bordering on harassment. Whether you want to involve the council / local community PCSO is up to you, but I’d only go that route if she escalates.

Otherwise ignore her; no more favours and stay icily polite if you bump into her.

Don't t bother discussing it with them. You can't reason with unreasonable people.

I would lay money on you not being the only neighbour that they're harassing. It would be worth making subtle inquiries.

your neighbour is clearly very unhappy and possibly has some mental health issues that they can't deal with. its not ideal but there's not a lot you can do. it looks like they are happy to hid behind an email, but wouldn't do it directly in person. I'm sure your husband's employer realises this.

She sounds bat shit .
Would his employer email back saying they have reviewed the photos and the vehicles are parked legally, all the work vehicles have appropriate tax and insurance therefore they see no problem in how they are parked and not to contact them further .

I would see if the local community police can call round and have a chat with her .

OP, this neighbour sounds completely unreasonable.
Bit gobsmacked at the energy she's expended on pursuing you for being completely normal (and pleasant by the sounds of it!) neighbours.
It's no wonder you're upset by this.

Write her a letter saying that her music lessons are disruptive to you and other residents. Clients are parking badly, the kids sound bloody awful and you can't find a record of her business on companies house so you're concerned she's operating illegally. Sign it from another house. Ask her to please be a better and more considerate neighbour.

I would absolutely stop all communication with them.
Do not talk to them or lend them anything.
Keep a record of all letters they've sent & any comments they made to you in person including dates etc in case it escalates. Get copies of everything from the employer.
I would also keep an eye out and if you see them taking photos make a note of that too.
They sound insane and no good will come of bothering to try and reason with them.
They are obviously kind of back stabbing you if they complained via letter & to the employer rather than directly to you; whilst pretending to be a friendly terms.
I would also consider asking a solicitor to write a letter detailing that this amounts to harassment, maybe not straight away but if anything else happens, that's why making all the records now is important.
Our neighbours went nuts about parking for about a 6 month period and would sit in their window waiting for us to drive anywhere and then sit on their front step waiting for us to come back so they could shout at us, I felt really watched and harassed and anxious but they were literally 90 years old so didn't feel that reporting it to anyone was reasonable as I didn't think we were in danger from them. I think they were having a senile moment as nothing has changed with the parking but they miraculously stopped harassing us & they've been very kind about us needing access for roof repair etc so I'm glad I didn't escalate tbh.
But in your situation, especially if the son could be involved, I'd be more concerned.

This is bizarre but equally bizarre your husbands employer didn't say anything. Can they reply for you?

Not all businesses have to be on Companies House. Sole traders can trade legally without being on CH so long as they register with HMRC. A music teacher is very likely to be a sole trader.

Ask her "What part of Public Highway don't you understand?" and then tell her to contact parking at your local council. They will soon set her straight.

Can you ask his work for copies of the emails. I would be taking it to the police so they have a word.

I would say police too. This is harassment, and contacting a persons place of work is uping the anti and ultimately threatening your livelihood.