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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Party for 5 year old

33 replies

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:46

Every year for my nephews and nieces birthdays until they were 7ish I would check when (if) they were having a party so I wouldn't miss it.

Now my youngest is 5 we're having her party - just family- in 3 weeks. We did the same for her big sister until she was 6 as thats when she started wanting friend parties. Seeing their cousins is my kids favourite thing in the world.
AIBU to be upset that my sister won't come with her kids, but instead suggests a pub lunch half way (not viable as other side of family coming from opposite direction and not really 5 year olds top choice of party!). She has her (not much liked) in- laws staying but they are leaving after lunch. It's a 1hr20 trip.

I probably am completely bejng unreasonable- but as the youngest grandchild born during covid DD5 does get forgotten a lot. I'm especially upset as my sister made such a big deal when her's were born about the role of an aunt, and how I needed to know her kids well. But she doesn't seem to care too much about mine except when we meet up she's lovely to them but there is no extra effort outside of those general family catch ups.

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Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:48

I'm a bit broken hearted for my DD that no one really makes the effort for her. It's the same on both sides I guess. We made huge effort for all our nephews and nieces and DD5 just gets forgotten

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Pandasnacks · 07/10/2024 19:51

Your 5 year old can't have been born during covid. It sounds like a long way for them to travel if it's an hour and 20 mins, but I can understand being sad

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:52

Sorry- she was 5 months old when Covid lock down happened. Not born during covid. But she is a covid baby

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Pandasnacks · 07/10/2024 19:53

Actually she can have been, inbetween lockdowns but still, missed that but sorry!

Pandasnacks · 07/10/2024 19:53

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:52

Sorry- she was 5 months old when Covid lock down happened. Not born during covid. But she is a covid baby

Meh I read it wrong twice anyway 😂

Chillisintheair · 07/10/2024 20:05

I think you need to calm down a bit.

You’re upset that your sister doesn’t want to bring her older children to a 5 year old’s birthday? How old are these older cousins? I’m wondering if they’re just busy or they don’t want to hang out with 5 year olds.

I did all sorts for my sister’s children because I was childless and could accomadate them. When I had children my sister still have her own children who needed.

I’m surprised your 5 year old doesn’t want a party with friends.

Imicola · 07/10/2024 20:06

Similar situation here, my sister won't come through for DDs birthday due to the drive (about 1.5 hours). Yet she thinks we'll be clamouring to travel overseas to see them when they move...
In the past 6 years i think she's been through about 6 or 7 times, not been at all in the past 2 years. Its very sad, I agree, particularly as my DD was very excited about her cousins coming to visit.
I have resigned myself the the fact that me and my family are not one of her priorities, and reflect that in the efforts I put in, although I do my best to make sure the cousins can form a relationship.

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:06

We travelled 1hr20 to see them.and we're always the ones who go to them. They haven't been to ours since DD was born.

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Pandasnacks · 07/10/2024 20:09

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:06

We travelled 1hr20 to see them.and we're always the ones who go to them. They haven't been to ours since DD was born.

So they've never been to your parties?

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:11

Well her cousins seem to love seeing her when they do. So I don't think it's them that are the blocker. I don't know what is tbh.
When I just had one child I would babysit her 2 at her house. Because it was easier for her.
Before DD(nearly5..not quite 5 yet!) was born she babysat my older DD.... at her house. 1hr20mins away. Because she had 2 girls.

DD has only just started school. I don't want to do a full class party for 30 kids I don't know when she'd be happier with her cousins. She doesn't know any kids at school really yet although she seems happy enough there so far.

Anyway. I guess I'm being unreasonable. But I am so sad.

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ZippyDenimBear · 07/10/2024 20:11

I think you've had some harsh replies so far.

What you say makes total sense, and if I was you I'd be upset too.

As for a pp saying that older cousins wouldn't want to go to a younger party' well it's a family party and there's nothingnwtongnwith them doing something for a couple hours even though it may not be their favourite thing!

Op, have you tried really explaining how you feel to your sister? Maybe she sint seeing it as such a big thing but if you explain it...

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:13

Never been to Younger DDs parties no. She came to older DDs parties whixh we did age 1-5. DHS family have and my parents.
They're no big deals. We're not talking fancy parties just food and maybe bouncy castle and games. We used to do them in village hall as with both sides it was about 20 people.

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Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:14

Yes. But she says sorry but nothing she can do. It's too far.

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Pandasnacks · 07/10/2024 20:17

So you used to be close but now you're not, it's a shame but it's not heartbreaking, your DD will have fun no matter what

Scottishgirl85 · 07/10/2024 20:18

Do a class party like every other 5 year old and get to know the local mums. They'll be your new "family"/support, which will be so important in the primary years.

HangDai · 07/10/2024 20:19

How old are her kids?

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:20

She thinks we're close. But maybe you're right. I just don't really want a new family. My DDs love their existing one and so do I. Hence why I feel a bit heart-broken.

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PinkyFlamingo · 07/10/2024 20:21

I can see why you are sad. But you are wishing for something that will just not happen and you need to accept that

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:21

Her kids are 12 and 9 and seem to adore my two when we go and see them at their house. I barely see them they're off playing together. That's what makes it so sad

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Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:24

Imicola · 07/10/2024 20:06

Similar situation here, my sister won't come through for DDs birthday due to the drive (about 1.5 hours). Yet she thinks we'll be clamouring to travel overseas to see them when they move...
In the past 6 years i think she's been through about 6 or 7 times, not been at all in the past 2 years. Its very sad, I agree, particularly as my DD was very excited about her cousins coming to visit.
I have resigned myself the the fact that me and my family are not one of her priorities, and reflect that in the efforts I put in, although I do my best to make sure the cousins can form a relationship.

This is exactly how it is and I just need to stop being disappointed and just facilitate the cousins relationship when I can

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Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:39

It just really hurts to accept that my DDs are low down on her list. And by default that I am too. But mainly DD because she will just be disappointed.

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NerrSnerr · 07/10/2024 20:50

Can you just arrange something with them on a different day? Maybe find a pub with a play area for lunch?

If they've got their in-laws staying until lunchtime I think it's fair they don't want to travel a 2h 40 round trip for a 5 year old's birthday party

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 20:59

I guess that's what I don't understand What would make it worth travelling that far for? Because I've done it for my sister, my nieces, my nephews, my parents. 4hrs for lunch with my in- laws.
We're scattered.

I wouldn't for a random 5 year old. But I have for my 1year old nieces party. I have to meet my 6 day old niece. Because it's family.

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Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 21:00

I guess I'm feeling bitter. If she wanted to arrange something I would of course say yes. But I don't want to arrange anything else for her, as it wouldn't really be for DD.

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itsmexxx · 07/10/2024 21:05

NerrSnerr · 07/10/2024 20:50

Can you just arrange something with them on a different day? Maybe find a pub with a play area for lunch?

If they've got their in-laws staying until lunchtime I think it's fair they don't want to travel a 2h 40 round trip for a 5 year old's birthday party

I don't!! If my child isn't worth 2hrs 40 minutes in a car then you are not really family in my eyes