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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Party for 5 year old

33 replies

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:46

Every year for my nephews and nieces birthdays until they were 7ish I would check when (if) they were having a party so I wouldn't miss it.

Now my youngest is 5 we're having her party - just family- in 3 weeks. We did the same for her big sister until she was 6 as thats when she started wanting friend parties. Seeing their cousins is my kids favourite thing in the world.
AIBU to be upset that my sister won't come with her kids, but instead suggests a pub lunch half way (not viable as other side of family coming from opposite direction and not really 5 year olds top choice of party!). She has her (not much liked) in- laws staying but they are leaving after lunch. It's a 1hr20 trip.

I probably am completely bejng unreasonable- but as the youngest grandchild born during covid DD5 does get forgotten a lot. I'm especially upset as my sister made such a big deal when her's were born about the role of an aunt, and how I needed to know her kids well. But she doesn't seem to care too much about mine except when we meet up she's lovely to them but there is no extra effort outside of those general family catch ups.

OP posts:
itsmexxx · 07/10/2024 21:09

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 19:46

Every year for my nephews and nieces birthdays until they were 7ish I would check when (if) they were having a party so I wouldn't miss it.

Now my youngest is 5 we're having her party - just family- in 3 weeks. We did the same for her big sister until she was 6 as thats when she started wanting friend parties. Seeing their cousins is my kids favourite thing in the world.
AIBU to be upset that my sister won't come with her kids, but instead suggests a pub lunch half way (not viable as other side of family coming from opposite direction and not really 5 year olds top choice of party!). She has her (not much liked) in- laws staying but they are leaving after lunch. It's a 1hr20 trip.

I probably am completely bejng unreasonable- but as the youngest grandchild born during covid DD5 does get forgotten a lot. I'm especially upset as my sister made such a big deal when her's were born about the role of an aunt, and how I needed to know her kids well. But she doesn't seem to care too much about mine except when we meet up she's lovely to them but there is no extra effort outside of those general family catch ups.

I really feel for you!
I would feel exactly the same way!
I would be honest and say that you are hurt, that you would expect them to WANT to be at the party.
If there response isn't oh god I'm sorry of course we will come.... then you are going to need to realise that you will never be up there in the list of priorities.

If that was me I wouldn't change my ways and still be there for my nieces, but I wouldn't count on them being by there in future and compensate in some way for my daughter

BarbaraHoward · 07/10/2024 21:09

That's a very long way to go for a 5yo's party when they have visitors and the DC likely have hobbies etc. Weekends are bloody busy.

Btw I think it's fine to feel a little down or even let down but "heartbroken" is a bit melodramatic.

itsmexxx · 07/10/2024 21:10

BarbaraHoward · 07/10/2024 21:09

That's a very long way to go for a 5yo's party when they have visitors and the DC likely have hobbies etc. Weekends are bloody busy.

Btw I think it's fine to feel a little down or even let down but "heartbroken" is a bit melodramatic.

Edited

They're family and it's once a year.....

Zanatdy · 07/10/2024 21:11

You have a right to feel upset. It does hurt to realise that you’re low down on your sister’s priority list.

BarbaraHoward · 07/10/2024 21:11

itsmexxx · 07/10/2024 21:10

They're family and it's once a year.....

It's never once a year though is it. Or more to the point there's a million once a year things and every weekend becomes a juggling act.

itsmexxx · 07/10/2024 21:15

But it IS once a year... it's there NEICES birthday....

I think it's a bit ridiculous to compare the other million things needed to do (because you're right there is) with attending your nieces birthday

If we were talking about a ballet show or 'just because' I'd totally agree, but family should be a priority

Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 21:29

I think that's it. There are only my two and her two on that side of the family. So her two nieces. It's 2 days a year- well, actually only 1 as DD9 wants a friends party, but will still visit grandparents around that time and see if anyone else wants to join.

I wasn't quite right about her visiting ours. She has been twice in the past 5 years- once to drop her DDs for a week while she her her DH had a week away and once to pick them up. She only stayed for less than an hour. Since getting a dog 2 years ago she won't even meet half way unless the dog can come too.

We have been to hers whenever invited. And a few times when I've pointed out we haven't seen each other for a while.

I think I have to accept we are low on the list. Sorry if being heartbroken sounds melodramatic. She's my sister and I love her.

OP posts:
Aibusadandhormonal · 07/10/2024 21:30

*I did offer to have them for that week so it wasn't her taking advantage at all!

OP posts:
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