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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I rude?

96 replies

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:21

Tell me your opinion, today I was called rude which made me really upset, I'm not British so maybe I miss the point of etiquette or local culture so fill me in please.

So today I was pushing a buggy with my baby and the pavement was too narrow for me and the woman in her 50 or so to go past each other.I continued my walk, didn't mean to stop because you can easily make one step left to the road which is always empty and overtake if you're in such a hurry. ( this is a side residential street) So I suppose that the woman wanted me to stop and wait till she go first because when I was near her she said 'Thank you, rude girl' I was shocked , never heard such comments, have I done something wrong?

OP posts:
Thfrog · 07/10/2024 16:54

Changingplace · 07/10/2024 16:54

I think regardless of culture, if you can tell that continuing pushing a buggy towards someone on a narrow pavement on the assumption they can walk in the road is rude, yes.

It would be a more normal reaction to at least acknowledge that you both needed to get past, or to have stopped momentarily so she had time to check the road was clear than to keep pushing your buggy at her so she had no options.

Her age is irrelevant, she also shouldn’t have called you ‘girl’ that’s very patronising.

A good summation of the issues

Thfrog · 07/10/2024 16:55

BarbaraHoward · 07/10/2024 16:52

Nah you had a buggy and she was walking so she should've given you the pavement. Likewise you should've let anyone with a wheelchair, stick etc by or anyone elderly.

You're grand.

Not all disabilities are visible

Changingplace · 07/10/2024 16:55

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:50

I mentioned it because I thought that maybe she expected me to stop and let her priority because she's much older than me.

Show quote history

No she expected you to at least acknowledge there was no space for both of you rather than barging towards her with your buggy.

speedmop · 07/10/2024 16:56

i would have stopped

Original poster
OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:58

user98786 · 07/10/2024 16:30

Depends who reached the narrow bit first. If it was you, you had right of way, and vice versa. But assuming someone will walk in the road is rude. Always assume they want to walk on the pavement. Otherwise you're barging into them forcing them on the road.

However, I always give prams extra space/go first only cos I know how hard they are to push! Not everyone knows this or was taught this. I only realised from experience.

Edited

I didn't expect her to go to the road. I mentioned that if she's in a hurry she could easily step aside if not that's ok. Agree, pram is so hard to push, didn't think that it could make so big inconveniences to call me rude girl with sarcastic thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:59

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2024 16:32

Rude to just keep going as if she wasn’t there. At least stop the buggy. One of you is going to have to leave the pavement, and it’s easier for her to than you, but at least acknowledge it.

Were you both going in the same direction, or coming towards each other?

Towards each other

OP posts:
MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 07/10/2024 16:59

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:58

I didn't expect her to go to the road. I mentioned that if she's in a hurry she could easily step aside if not that's ok. Agree, pram is so hard to push, didn't think that it could make so big inconveniences to call me rude girl with sarcastic thank you

Show quote history

How could she have not stepped aside when you were coming at her with a pram? Was she supposed to let you collide?

speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:00

I don’t think you think you were the least bit rude Op

and you’ll fight it out here on your thread!

Duckyfondant · 07/10/2024 17:01

It seems obvious to me you didn't thank her for letting you past. That's the rude part

BlueMum16 · 07/10/2024 17:01

I also don't think you were rude OP.
The person without a pram needs to manoeuvre around the person with the pram.

Don't worry about it.

Changingplace · 07/10/2024 17:02

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 16:58

I didn't expect her to go to the road. I mentioned that if she's in a hurry she could easily step aside if not that's ok. Agree, pram is so hard to push, didn't think that it could make so big inconveniences to call me rude girl with sarcastic thank you

Show quote history

Where else could she go except the road? What was her other option?

Vinni8 · 07/10/2024 17:03

I think it sounds like you were a tiny bit rude. It also sounds like she over reacted.

I'd have waited when I got to the narrow bit, 9 times out of 10 the person at the other end of the narrow bit will wait to let you go if you have a pram. Then say thank you.

In any case, I'd not pay it any more mind. These things happen!

hattie43 · 07/10/2024 17:05

Yes rude , it sounds like you barged passed and expected her to leap out the way .

theemptinessmachine · 07/10/2024 17:05

Whothefuckdoesthat · 07/10/2024 16:48

Traditionally, British people would both have stopped, made eye contact, a couple of gestures to make it look like you’re getting out of the other person’s way, you’d perform a bit of a dance from side to side and then the person without the push chair would get in the road, you’d smile a thank you and you’d both go about your day, quite happily.

I think that if you didn’t slow down, or make eye contact, then it would have given her the impression that she had no choice but to step in the road to avoid you and that would have been perceived as rude.

Agree. It was the lack of acknowledgement that is seen as rude.

Original poster
OlyaR · 07/10/2024 17:06

HoppityBun · 07/10/2024 16:46

I think the problem was that you behaved as though she didn’t exist. But we have all probably done something like this at one time or another, without meaning to give offence. It’s just a bit inconsiderate.

Agree. I understand that I may have stopped and make the eye contact which is my fault but I was completely baffled be her comment which was so unfair and rude

OP posts:
speedmop · 07/10/2024 17:07

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 17:06

Agree. I understand that I may have stopped and make the eye contact which is my fault but I was completely baffled be her comment which was so unfair and rude

Show quote history

and thanked her op

polifa · 07/10/2024 17:07

If you barrelled towards her with the assumption that she would step into the gutter for you and made no effect to acknowledge her, then yeah, you were rude.

I'll always make space for people on the narrow pavements round here but it's often people with prams who sail past as if I'm invisible. Same with holding doors open.

Thfrog · 07/10/2024 17:08

OlyaR · 07/10/2024 17:06

Agree. I understand that I may have stopped and make the eye contact which is my fault but I was completely baffled be her comment which was so unfair and rude

Show quote history

To her you were rude though. I think she shouldn't have said anything but you were rude.

GabriellaMontez · 07/10/2024 17:08

Are you white?

Sounds like you both expected the other to give way.

She was annoyed you didn't. Neither party is rude in my opinion.

But did she stop and let you through? In which case, a thank you is called for.

Marlena1 · 07/10/2024 17:09

I've done the "thank you" even though I cringed a bit after! I hate when people expect me to go on the road and don't acknowledge it. My biggest bug bearer! Maybe if you'd say sorry/thanked her it would have gone down better.

Thfrog · 07/10/2024 17:09

BlueMum16 · 07/10/2024 17:01

I also don't think you were rude OP.
The person without a pram needs to manoeuvre around the person with the pram.

Don't worry about it.

And that's the assumption that's rude

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/10/2024 17:09

If you’re over 18 (I assume you are!) she was very rude to call you a girl!

I think you did have the right of way but obviously you’d always say thanks even if that’s the case.

Im 45 so not that much younger and wouldn’t expect a woman with a pram to give way to me as some sort of senior citizen!

Gazelda · 07/10/2024 17:10

You continued your path on the assumption she would 'give way' to you. Slightly rude.

She courteously made way for you.

You didn't thank her or acknowledge that she'd politely let you pass and that you'd (slightly) disadvantaged her. Rude.

She was sarcastic to you. Rude.

So, you were rude first. You were both rude subsequently.

In future, make eye contact, acknowledge the awkward situation and smile. If she lets you pass, then you should say thank you. If she doesn't, then you can be the one to make a sarcastic comment.

I always give way to prams and those who are less agile than me. But if I'm not thanked in some small way (a smile would suffice) then I silently judge the other person.

Hayley1256 · 07/10/2024 17:10

So did she stop and let you go past? If she did you should have said thank you and that's probably why she said what she did. If I'm walking and someone let's me go first or it's a tight gap and they stop so I can go I would always say thanks, just like you would if someone held a door open for you in a shop etc

Marine30 · 07/10/2024 17:11

No you weren’t rude. If you’d been going towards her at full throttle and she had to jump out into the road then yes; but from what you say she was behind you.
It was her choice to overtake you and she had to have a little snipe because of the huge inconvenience of stepping partially into the road 🙄 Ignore and move on. No rudeness on your part.