Could you be in a relationship with someone who won’t initiate conversation?

[ParsleyKitten]

So I do the majority of the taking, conversation making - often get one word answers. When I’ve tried to explain that I would like to feel he wants to talk to me and could show this by starting conversations he responds and says ‘you know where I am if you want to speak to me’

It’s wearing me down. I feel like my head is on a brick wall trying to explain how that does not show someone wanting to talk/spend time together.

I could not live with this, no.

I am, have been for 30 years. It’s utterly draining and I don’t really have any helpful suggestions for you.
If you aren’t trapped in the relationship for practical reasons then I’d suggest trying to get yourself out so you can find something better.

Oh blimey, no.

I mean....I love to talk, but it's good to get some sort of response/contribution.

How long have you been together?

No. I’d just assume my partner didn’t want to know anything about me or my life = didn’t want to be with me. It would give me anxiety.

Being quiet at times and wanting space, fair enough. Not initiating convo is something I’d not put up with.

Are you in a relationship? Not sure how you got though the first date 🤣

No. My dad is like this and I have no idea how my mum has put up with it for 40+ years. Once she didn't say a word for an entire 3 hour car journey and he didn't initiate any conversation either, then said afterwards when she mentioned it that he'd assumed she'd been in a mood. Would drive me potty.

Has he always been like this or is this a new thing? If my spouse suddenly went silent on me I would assume something was very wrong.

'you know where I am if you want to speak to me’

Doesn't fulfil the need you have that he wants to speak to you. That they need and want you around. Of course you know where they are, that's not the requirement.

No. I wouldn't have lasted past the first date.

I would hate that. What is the history of this? Is it new?

Unless he is a multi millionaire with an awful heart condition get out now.

No, my exH was like this and it drove me nuts. It was like living with an automaton.

Thanks all. Relatively new, it’s becoming too draining.

Not that I’m this naive, but if you just had been discussing this together on his lunch break and it’s led to him throwing his lunch wrappers across the room (not at me) then you’d be packing right?

He threw his lunch wrappers in a temper? I'd be long gone.

Yes.
Throwing stuff rather than using words is how a very young child behaves not a grown adult.

Yes, I've experienced this twice. They are 'empty shells' - the very definition of 'lights on, no one is home'. The two times have both been with extremely good looking men. They were used to women constantly surrounding them with input, ideas and vital energy for them simply to respond to if they felt like it. No incentive whatsoever to develop a rich personality or give a damn what a woman was feeling.

Sounds like you are incompatible in this way, and if it's a deal breaker for you then that's allowed.

The lunch wrappers thing sounds odd. I would think he's sad and angry with himself based on that, for not living up to what you want - but as above that doesn't have to be your problem.

Have you tried to discuss what's wrong if it's a new thing? Is he experiencing stress at work or with family for example.

He's disengaged from you and the relationship so something is obviously wrong. I would try to talk to him and if he doesn't open up then I'd assume he's finished the relationship.

He said he threw them because I am moaning. I said I wasn’t moaning but simply trying to explain how something made me feel. He said ‘you wonder why I don’t speak to you’ and ‘you’d be the type of wife no man would even want’

So on that note, it’s a wrap. Good riddance to him and his lunch wrappers.

Get out OP, my husband never initiates conversation, unless it's to tell me about some great grandson thrice removed's cousin has died, and then he'll buggar off to the funeral, and be morbid bastard for several dies (miserable sod). Or if he spots some sports or classic car, and then he drones on and on and on. I swear to god he was never like this when we got married or I'd never have married him, I wouldn't mind so much if he had the good grace to be a listener, but he's not, basically he's a selfish git, he only became like this when he hit 40; so if your guy is younger, run for the hills as fast as you can!

Ugh, good riddance. Do you live together?

Oh wow, think I gave him too much benefit of the doubt in my previous post! Sounds like you've already made the right choice here.

Good God what attracted you to him in the first place?

I can’t image getting past date number 1 with someone like this.

I agree mines like this.
Doesn't speak much to me or adult ds but will to DD as they chat about cars or music they both like.both DC left home.
It's exhausting.Honestly.its like living alone.
Every conversation,idea or anything has to be me monologuing at him until I get a response.
He did text today which is very rare in work time.
It's my b day and he text to say his brother's mother in law had died.
No happy b day.
A stranger to him had died.

hahaha so the neanderthal hasn't yet realised that the ladies now can choose a partner, and will be single forever.

slam the door shut on this one.