Could you be in a relationship with someone who won’t initiate conversation?

[ParsleyKitten]

So I do the majority of the taking, conversation making - often get one word answers. When I’ve tried to explain that I would like to feel he wants to talk to me and could show this by starting conversations he responds and says ‘you know where I am if you want to speak to me’

It’s wearing me down. I feel like my head is on a brick wall trying to explain how that does not show someone wanting to talk/spend time together.

Blimey, even before the nasty comments and wrapper throwing I was thinking throw this one back - relationships in the beginning are supposed to be easy and FUN. Not hard work and lots of talking about how you can each behave differently. If it's not easy and fun in the bevinning when there's no pressure, how on earth is the relationship goign to make it when you have a crying baby, a sick parent and a mortgage you can't afford?

Packing, or trying to refrain from shoving his sandwich wrapping down his throat and then packing?

Honestly, OP, it's not meant to be this hard. DH and I are still enjoyably gossiping and messaging about things we've noticed during the working day that might be of interest to the other person and we've been together since 1992.

Move on, and don't give him another thought. Find a guy who is delighted to have a conversation with you.

Yes, absolutely.

I lived with an angry uncommunicative man. I now have zero tolerance for displays of temper like that.

Just no, but tell him why.

My husband is like this. Been married for 26 years and I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life like this. We never have a proper conversation and it's always me having to initiate it and keep it going.

Do these men talk to other men, I wonder, is it just women they despise?

In a word no .

Good question. For some, I think grunting about West Ham/insert random PL club is all the conversation they require, and has the benefit of not being likely to require any self-questioning, unwarranted thoughtfulness or effort.

You can- but I don't get why you would want to be !

Interestingly he seems to get on fine with any male colleagues and friends.

Any discussion about anything to do with a woman turns into ‘women are all greedy’ ‘women are worse than men for cheating’ ‘women moaned about equal rights and messed the world up’

Jeez, what a charmer. Good riddance indeed, you're better off without him OP!

Maybe they just find their particular wive’s conversations boring / pointless / never ending / delivered in a such a way that makes you want to run and hide 😆😆

OK so on your original question. Yes I could and I am as DH almost never initiates a conversation and isn't much of a talker. We've been happily married for years and I adore him. However, he has autism and does try really hard to make conversation as he knows it's important to me. He's got much better over the years and is at least willing to try.

But based on your updates about throwing things and speaking badly to you.....get rid immediately. There is finding small talk difficult and then there's just being a dick. DH may not be a great conversationalist but he's an absolute sweetheart and has genuinely never said a bad word to me.

Oh dear sounds like he has been radicalised by incel stuff with attitudes like that.

ExH happily talked to people who had status and could confer it on him - mostly men!

I would have cracked up in his face at all that! It’s like he’s watched some bad tv and thinks that’s what humans do and say in relationships. What a strange man.

Good advice.I really feel for you.

I don't know what a lunch wrapper is

He doesn't seem to like any woman, and certainly has no respect for you either.
Throwing something to make a point is horrible behaviour
Tell him to close the door on his way out.
Communication is the most important factor in a relationship.. He can't bear to talk to you
You deserve so much more than this

My husband is more reserved than me and I do feel I put more effort into starting conversation.
We have had Fallings out about his lack of emotional response before. But he does try. And he does acknowledge he can be quite a remote person. And he is capable of trying because he's an intelligent man not just in a scientific way but is also an artist.. so I know he knows how to communicate more.
And we do often have long in depth conversations.. it's just that I tend to start them.
I wouldn't tolerate one word answers long term in a relationship no.
I sometimes resent being the one to put in more emotional effort to bond.. but then I knew his personality from the offset. And I do feel like he loves me and does want to talk to me.. he's just naturally more reserved

Well if that’s the case, don’t get into a relationship with a woman.Nobody forced them into it, if a man feels this way, then don’t inflict this on another person.Your emojis says a lot about you.

It's not going anywhere is it? That's fine,move on.

Throwing lunch wrappers? I’d expect that behaviour from someone in primary school. You’re better off without.

I was with someone like this for years. One night we went out for dinner with his family and I had to make all of the conversation with his parents, brother and sister in law and it was the final straw. We went home that night and I remember just weeping to him about it, and it's like the years of him not talking much, in public anyway, just wore me down so much. We broke up not long afterwards.

What I really loved about my now husband was how chatty, friendly, outgoing and warm he is. He can talk to anyone and relates to everyone. He is a people person and I know that when I go anywhere with him, I don't have to put any work in to make sure he is socially OK. It's a burden I'd long forgotten until I read this post. I would never go back to being with such a quiet person because I'm very outgoing, chatty, bubbly and love talking to people and I need to to be with someone who is also like that.

Where did you meet him? Wasn't he chatting you up and charming you to start with?

This post is your intuition telling you to run. Glad to hear you listened to it.

Yeah, this never should have got past minute number 1 on date one. He's thick as shit and a misogynist.
Not worth a moment of thought.