How much do you need to earn for 3 kids?

[Allthegoodnamesaregonegone]

When you don’t live in London and have very average expenses?

for arguments sake, I googled and saw the average mortgage is £1400
average heating for 4/5 people is £200 a month (British Gas website)

assume no ‘bad debts’ and no private school

id love another kid, if possible, but I do see on here often on the cost of a third and that being a large factor, so I’d like to understand what is the amount people think you need to earn pre tax to live comfortably with 3.

@Allthegoodnamesaregonegone I think you're mixing me up with someone else, I didn't raise the uni convo, and I didn't ask you a question about it.

You obviously feel extremely strongly about this and will do it regardless so not sure why the defensiveness towards those of us that made different choices?

My point is mentally and physically I and most other women I know feel very differently at 50 to how we felt late thirties early 40s. We are over dutiful mothering and want to live our own lives while we still can. Those with thirds don’t say it but are noticeably flagging at doing the whole teen thing (friendships/mental health/ GCSEs/partying or being reclusive worries / a level/ uni choice etc etc ) for a third time. And as mentioned much more is expected of parents now in terms of support than we got. Just flagging it.

I suppose it also depends on age gaps. There are 3.5 years between my first 2. Meant I could move eldest from expensive day nursery ( no govt help then) to preschool playgroup and childminder. Also sent my 2nd to same childminder but only had under a year before eldest went to school. So less costs

3rd was born 9 years after 2nd. His father was a DJ so could do some daycare and there was also help with nursery fees by then. The elder 2 didn't need childcare by then as I could finish in time to collect DC2 and eldest was 13 so able to sort herself out after school

Also means never more than one could possibly be at uni or need to learn to drive at same time

You asked if I know I need to fund uni and I said yeah I’m aware there’s a deficit in student maintenance loan

and then you asked if I could house and feed 5 adults and cover all their bills and I said I don’t see there’d be a massive increase from sixth form to uni and for luxuries like phone bill they can get a job. They can do that in high school too.

its not defensive it’s just this this what I believe and that would be the same for 1 child on 300k a year or 3 on 120k.

i also shop on Vinted for bits too

What an utter hyperbole

@Allthegoodnamesaregonegone I did not ask if you could house or feed them, I pointed out that you would be contributing to the deficit by housing them, I only asked if you realised you were expected to pay the deficit because you seemed to think you weren't responsible for the deficit but have now seemingly accepted it by saying you would house them.

Also blithely anticipating them living at home for university - all three of them! Eek! I have an 18 year old here on a gap year and although she is absolutely lovely I think it will be good all round for her and us when moves out into halls when she goes to university next year. Three of them at home for the entire university stage!!! well you are a stronger woman than me that’s for sure!

its not defensiveness it’s more my rationale and how I think I’m not sure how it could be contrived that I’m judging you for have the family you felt appropriate. I think where people DO feel judged is the statements that parents ‘have to’ provide house deposits, a brand new car, driving lessons, fund a flat for uni and a wedding or they shouldn’t have had their child or they can’t afford a child because that’s simply not true and elitist.

when asked I’ve said I’ve got provisions for my kids that will be a lump sum they can use how they chose but they can only spend it once

physicality yeah that’s a good point; and obviously one I’d have to take a punt on as I’d have no clue how I’d feel 15/20 years from now

No, I didn’t make it seem like I didn’t know I had to make up a deficit, I’d said numerous times we’ll have a lump sum for them that they can use as they see fit… if they go to uni away then it will be used to make up that deficit and any left over some money to a house when the time comes. If they choose to stay at home, then it’s a larger sum for a house or travelling or for an investment etc

I think where people DO feel judged is the statements that parents ‘have to’ provide house deposits, a brand new car, driving lessons, fund a flat for uni and a wedding or they shouldn’t have had their child or they can’t afford a child because that’s simply not true and elitist.

Quote just one person who has said people HAVE to do this, because all I can see is people telling you time and time again that it depends on how YOU want to raise them.

It’s how it comes across, others have gone back on it a few times on the thread saying uni is a luxury and a lot of parents don’t pay all those things listed to which a few posters have gone back again with a chorus of ‘every one I know does’

@Allthegoodnamesaregonegone well that's presumably useful information for you considering you asked the question "how much do you need to earn for 3 kids"? It was a broad question, with a broad set of answers.

This! We have three, eldest is at uni and costing us around £8k a year for her accommodation. Driving lessons more expensive clothes and shoes as they grow up. We like a Villa holiday each year at £5-6k for 5 of us. Have a 7 seater car so kids have space. Had to convert our loft for another bedroom so all kids have a room. I love having three but that one extra really adds to expenses as 5 isn’t an even number. Again this is our lifestyle choice but kids are way more expensive the older they get imo

True on living life. Glad mine had all left school etc before I hit 50. If I hadn't had the last one the eldest two would've been offhand by the time I was 42. But they've not needed care like small kids for years. I've a 7 year old grandchild and wouldn't have energy for that at over 50. Besides I like to backpack Asia and socialize .

Another point is the stuff like A level choices uni etc. That's not my choice. I could give advice etc but up to them to sort out. My DS managed to choose his uni, find accomodation and apply for funding without any help from me. And he was a regular 18 year old . He just told me what he was doing and when to expect emails from student finance etc.

Well it’s an option that will be on the table.

its Unlikely they’ll be pouring in drunk and the typical uni shenanigans

its just one of many options on the table. They may not chose uni, they may chose a degree apprenticeship or a vocational qualification and I’d support them living at home in those instances too

Did you have them young? That’s one thing for me, I do feel like in part, I’ve not lived life as it were and travelled as much as I’d have liked, at this rate I’ll be 50 when my youngest leaves school.

Where is she in uni? Do you pay accommodation and she lives off the loan?

maybe its time to move to wales or Scotland

20 ,23 and 32.

I had lived in my own place since I'd been 17 and done some travelling. Appreciate it more as I got older and the fact that DSs dad was an excellent coparent and we had looked after him 50/50 virtually all his life meant I got a fair amount of free time.

fair play, I do wish I worked earlier and travelled more but I spent too much time in education so my earning was severely hampered

She’s in Manchester in her second year (house is more expensive than halls were last year), and she has the option to keep or spend or not take her maintenance loan so she can do what she sees fit with it. We just didn’t want her to have another loan added to the crazy tuition loan, but we have given her the option to manage this.

I honestly tried so hard to persuade her not to go to uni and all the other options available to her, we have a wonderful choice of universities in our city too, but she was so adamant she wanted to move away and live in halls make new friends (and go out and have mad nights out!), she wanted the uni life. We made the decision to support her living requirements (I have warned all my friends to save now haha). Again our choice as we just wanted her to have three years of fun and societies (she is a cheerleader so takes up her time).

my middle daughter costs us a fortune in her choice of hobbies.

I am very grateful to my youngest who does want to do any extra curricular activities 😂

Yeah I imagine hmo landlords now (assuming she’s in a student house) have had to hike their rents as their rates will have sky rocketed

i do hope this university situation sorts itself out in the long term. I’m glad I’ve saved for them, it should be enough but likely they’ll have to pick up as job at uni, at least over the long holidays

Exactly this. I’ve said to my other girls if they don’t go to uni they can have the equivalent to put towards a house deposit or go traveling, save for a rainy day.

life is what you make out of it. If you have another child you will adapt, I won’t lie three is tricky (odd number makes it trickier), but I love my little tribe and we adapted as we could to life as a five.

and I always think you can’t always plan for everything, my husband lost his job some years ago (high paying job) and that was tough and that may happen again someday (you never know what’s around the corner) we did struggle but we managed and again had to adapt as best we could.