Should I finally learn to drive?

[Blimey97]

I'm 27 and I still don't know how to drive. My anxiety has always held me back, but now I have a baby, I'm starting to wonder whether I should learn to drive. At the moment, I heavily rely on lifts from my partner, my mother in law and sometimes a friend. I get dropped off at work and picked up, but I find myself panicking sometimes about what would happen if neither of them were around. Or what might happen if I had an emergency and needed to get somewhere but no one could take me. The issue is I work part time and don't earn much (less than £1000 a month) and I know driving lessons are really expensive. I was thinking about putting a little bit of money away each month, but it would take me quite a while to save up more than a grand. I could put it off for a few years until I'm in full time work but then I worry I'm leaving it too late. It would be handy if I could drive when my daughter starts school etc. What should I do? Is driving essential when you're a parent?

I tried a manual to see how I coped, and it’s fine. So going to keep going.

I struggle with crippling anxiety and self confidence issues. Finding an instructor I really like and feel able to speak openly with has made a huge difference to how I feel about learning.

I think it really depends on where you live whether or not it's essential. Where I live for example is a quite rural cotswold town, public transport in near on non existent, and although we have a train station, that's still a bit too far to comfortably walk to, so even if we choose to get a train somewhere, we have to drive to the station anyway.
On the other hand, I have friends in Central London with children who can drive but choose not to own a car, as they don't need to and it's actually more stressful and takes longer trying to drive anywhere than hop on a tube/train.
It sounds like being able to drive may benefit you greatly in your situation, if you're having to rely on lifts often. It would give you more freedom and the ability to take your child on spontaneous trips out etc. Once they're at school, birthday parties and playdates are frequent, and can be a logistical nightmare, even without transport worries. And clubs, events, sports, you'd be expected to ferry your child to all of this, which may be hard without your own car. When school call to say your child is sick and needs picking up, you don't want to have to make a sick child walk home, if its further than down the road. It really depends on your local infilstructure as to whether it's doable without a car. I actually could survive without one as kids school is 5 mins away, my job is 10 mins, dh wfh, and we have everything "essential" within walking distance, but life wouldn't be as fun, and alot things wouldn't be accessible without the ability to hop in the car and go wherever I want/choose. Driving is expensive though, owning a car isn't cheap. Can your partner maybe teach you to drive, so you can learn the basics before paying for lessons? My dh taught me to drive 20 odd years ago! I got insured as a learner driver on his car, and we got some L plates, and used to do circuits around the industrial estate on a Sunday as it was empty. Really built my confidence for my driving test, and saved a fortune in lessons!

Yes.

We didn't have a car for several years, then we got one but only dh drove. I finally learnt to drive at 30yo. I swore it would make no difference.

Didn't work. Because the things we could get to made such a difference. I couldn't have my current job if I didn't drive, but also my dc could do different after school things, and other things I do for me too.

I tried to learn for aaaaaages in my late 20s however failed 3 tests and ultimately had to put it on hold. I have autism which affects my co-ordination and I also struggle with anxiety. After absolutely loads of lessons with a very patient instructor in an automatic car I did eventually get test ready but I went to pieces in all my tests with the anxiety so it just wasn't happening. I regret the attempt now as it could be absolutely loads of money which would have been better spent elsewhere, sadly.

I'm in my early 30s now and expecting our third child. I would like to go back to learning again in the future if possible as I do think it would definitely be useful if I could drive. That being said I absolutely don't have the money for lessons atm nor the time for them either tbh. Also, my situation is a lot different than yours because I've never relied particularly on anyone else for lifts. I walk and get public transport most of the time and we chose to buy a house somewhere that made this easy. I can walk my children to school and nursery, I can get the bus to work, to the city centre, to the retail park, train station (with/without kids). I can walk to local shops and cafes, restaurants, playgroups etc. We don't use the car as a full family of 4 very often tbh.

Yes.

I live in London and am 47 and never learned to drive but the culture is different here. Outside of London I struggle, and rely on rubbish public transport, relatives and friends, or taxis.

So yes, learn to drive. Maybe an automatic?

Do it! I learnt to drive at 34 and it has changed my life! Got a manual license but now drive an automatic, which has given me lots more confidence.

If you were independent and got around by walking/public transport, I would say it was less of an issue but it already sounds like you are incredibly dependent on getting lifts from others. Yes, I would be learning asap.

I'm 41 and can't drive. I have ADHD and my attention is so bad I'm worried about causing an accident. I've always had a fear around driving, even at 17 when my parents offered to pay for lessons I refused.

I live in an area with excellent public transport so I've never felt the need. DH has just learnt age 37 after we had our second child. If anything him driving has made me more nervous because he passed after 10 lessons so he literally learnt to drive after he passed and for the first couple of weeks it looked stressful. Possibly more than I could handle.

I'm going to take lessons after Xmas and I've decided if it's not for me then I'll know but I may aswell try.

The thing that made me get on with learning to drive was something that happened when DC1 was a baby. My parents were overseas and I was a single parent at the time. One night, I had to call out of hours GP for him. They told me to bring him to the OOH place (in the middle of nowhere with no bus or train to it). I had enough cash on me for a single taxi fare but enough in my account for further journeys. Taxi wouldn't take card payments (as machine wasn't working). The OOH GP saw DC1 and told me to take him straight to hospital. I'd used up my cash on first taxi journey, and couldn't get another taxi, so had to telephone my brother to help us out with lifts. I never wanted to be in that situation again, hence learning to drive. I was 28 and it took me three months to pass my test.

Thanks so much for your messages! Just to clear a few things up, my DP has offered to pay for my lessons, but I didn't want to accept more of his money because he already pays for almost everything and buys me extra things when I need them. But maybe I could go 50/50 on it and ask family for money towards lessons (fab idea!). I rely on lifts to work because where I work is a bit out of the way and would take too long to get there via public transport. In addition to my anxiety, I also have a mild learning difficulty, so it takes me longer to pick things up than most others. However, after reading some of your comments, I don't think I should let this hold me back from at least trying. It might not be for me, but I won't know if I don't try. So with that in mind, I think I'll look into booking my first lesson in the next few weeks :)

Yes learn. It will give you freedom and flexibility that will make daily life so much easier.

Yes - I was the same and learnt to drive at 37 because I had a young child and wanted to do it for them. It really makes everything so much easier. And she gets to go to a better school because I can get her there.

Our youngest (17) has just passed his test and the difference it has made to our weekends and evenings is great.

He is no longer reliant on us getting him to matches (he's a ref), which took up a lot of time.

He's always had an "old head" on his shoulders and been mature, but the increase in confidence (not arrogance) in him since passing is surprising.

Yes! I learned at exactly your age and never had strongly wanted to, but now I love it. And not saying anything about anyone else, but for me gave me a feeling of finally becoming a grown up.

Can your partner put you on his insurance and teach you the basics before you fork out for professional lessons?
I'm 30 and for the same reason as you, I don't drive either. I had tried years ago and HATED it (manual car). My partner was teaching me last year and some of this year (automatic - MUCH easier!), then I got pregnant and haven't done it for a few months. But I plan on him teaching me more once baby is here and we are all settled again.
I've also read it's possible to pass your driving test without professional lessons providing you don't pick up any bad habits etc!

Definitely do it. I started learning in my early 20s and my instructor (who I wasn’t that keen on anyway - he was very grumpy!) moved away when I was getting quite near the level of doing the test. I was too nervous to think about getting another instructor and couldn’t even think about ever doing the test. I did drive a lot with DH over the years but never got another instructor. Then our daughter was born and as she got older I regretted more and more not being able to drive but still was too nervous and scared to do the test. Eventually at 47 I decided I had to just suck it up and get on with it, got myself a lovely patient intructor and had weekly lessons until I did the test. That was a year ago and I’ve been so glad of being able to drive for the last year. I hated relying on others all the time and it makes such a difference even just for little things like doing a food shop on my own etc.

You should look at automatic instructors. Have a look on Facebook and search for driving instructors automatic in what ever town you’re in. Average cost is around £40 for an hour lesson which isn’t too-too bad!

Get an Electric bike. There's too many cars on the road.

Agreed, it's also quite tough to find automatic instructors IME. I started learning just before turning 30, passed at 31. Was a really anxious learner and realised after I moved cities that my first instructor actually wasn't great. Don't be afraid to try a few instructors and change if it's not working for you!

I moved to a city where I really did need to be able to drive, which I think added a lot of pressure and anxiety to my lessons pre-move, it's good not to have a hard deadline for yourself. We have an automatic now and it's so much easier! I imagine it will be tough to work around your baby but very worth it (I'm pregnant now and it's so much more comfortable getting around, plus I know I'll be able to take him out with me easily).

Just an update I've got my first lesson tomorrow! Eeek. I'm excited! Thanks to everyone for urging me to book it.

Yayee!! Good for you @Blimey97

Definitely. Learn auto as you'll pass quicker. You can always learn manual later, but I'd v much doubt you'll need it. I have a friend who didn't learn and it really compromised her freedom especially when she had small children. And you're always dependent on others.

70% of the current cars on the road are manual BUT 73% of new cars sold in the UK last year were Auto (up from 49% in 2019) and it's rising rapidly year on year.

One way or the other, definitely learn though. Good luck!

Sorry, didn't see your update op! Well done & good luck.