Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think your partner doesn’t need to make you laugh all the time?

40 replies

Chakkakhan · 06/10/2024 00:47

Had a discussion with friends tonight and interested in views…

I’m seeing a lovely guy. He kind, attentive, good company and has a good sense of humour.

however, he doesn’t really really make me laugh. He isn’t quite on the same wavelength as me humour wise.

In the past, I’ve been attracted to men who really make me laugh. ( one guy was a stand up comedian). But they haven’t always had any of the other positive traits that make a relationship work, or that I find attractive ( often have lacked backbone, integrity, responsibility etc )

A couple of my friends think that someone with the same sense of humour is a non negotiable in a relationship and that I’m settling with this guy.

I don’t feel like that at all. I love having a laugh and it’s important to me. My friends are all funny. I think I’m funny. But I don’t think I need my other half to make me cry with laughter.

don’t get me wrong, he does make me laugh. But not in that way you get with a real kindred spirit who totally‘gets’ your sense of humour.

who is right aibu or are my friends?

OP posts:
Renamedyetagain · 06/10/2024 00:49

Life is hard enough. You need someone who can make you laugh.

Original poster
Chakkakhan · 06/10/2024 00:53

@Renamedyetagain but don’t you get that with friends?

had plenty of shit boyfriends who’ve made me laugh but rubbish at everything else

OP posts:
Sweepsthepillowclean · 06/10/2024 00:57

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t make me laugh.

Edingril · 06/10/2024 01:00

My husband does occasionally but he has other great qualities that have been working for over 25 years to me it works or not there is no tick box thing that means it will happen

MonsteraMama · 06/10/2024 01:01

Why are the only options "shit boyfriend who makes me laugh" or "good boyfriend that I'm not on the same wavelength with"?

Why not "good boyfriend who makes me laugh"?

Idk. I've been through some of the bleakest, darkest times of my life with my husband. The fact that I can still ugly-cry-laugh with him after 18 years together is somehow more important than being able to ugly-cry-laugh with my pals (which I also do).

But it doesn't really matter what I or your friends think, you decide what's important to you in a relationship. If laughter isn't high on your list then who cares?

XenoBitch · 06/10/2024 01:02

Nah, being able to make me laugh is a deal breaker for me.

Sanguinello · 06/10/2024 01:05

Chakkakhan · 06/10/2024 00:53

@Renamedyetagain but don’t you get that with friends?

had plenty of shit boyfriends who’ve made me laugh but rubbish at everything else

I don't think your friends are saying the only important thing is for a man to make you laugh and it's fine if they're shit in other ways. It's possible for a man to be on the same wavelength humourwise and good in other ways too. Obviously it's up to you if you don't mind not being on the same wavelength.

Remaker · 06/10/2024 01:15

In my wedding speech I mentioned that DH made me laugh every day. About 10 years and a couple of children later a (male) friend of his asked me if that was still the case and I said absolutely. He looked a bit sad and said he couldn’t remember the last time he’d made his wife laugh.

We’ve been married 20 years now and still make each other laugh almost every day. It really helps get you through difficult times. It’s an important connection. Not the only one, but an important one. Have you ever said something funny and the other person just smiled weakly or worse looked at you blankly? I wouldn’t want to experience that regularly with a partner.

sarahzbaker · 06/10/2024 01:36

Why would you think you your friends reactions are important?

It's superfluous. If you get on then go with the flow
It's your relationship isn't it? And maybe you will sync later

mrssunshinexxx · 06/10/2024 01:50

My favourite thing about my husband is that we belly laugh together so often

ScottBakula · 06/10/2024 02:15

I think it depends on what you mean exactly.
Make you laugh = tell jokes, acts the fool ?
Laugh with = daft saying / traits that only both / family understands
Same humour = both like the same sitcoms / stand up/ practical jokes

I hate practical jokes, I dont care how much I was attracted to a person if they played a practical joke on me or someone I knew didn't like this kind of thing they would be booted to the kerb very quickly

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/10/2024 02:31

I think having the same sense of humour is incredibly important. More than many other qualities.

StormingNorman · 06/10/2024 02:33

DH and I laugh every day, even more so in the dark times. I don’t know how we’d have got through them without that connection. Nearly 20 years for us.

OfficerChurlish · 06/10/2024 02:48

It's not a dealbreaker for everyone; you just need to figure out if it's a dealbreaker for you. For me, I don't think it would be, but I am very easily amused and find things to laugh about everywhere. If you're funny and your friends are funny, maybe there's enough genuine humor in your life that it's OK if that's not a major way you connect with your partner. OTOH, if he's putting a damper on your own enjoyment by his reaction, censoring your jokes or making you feel like you're being inappropriate or immature or something, or just generally making it awkward that the two of you are on different wavelengths in terms of senses of humor, that's probably a control issue or a bigger sign of incompatibility which will likely grow over time.

StormingNorman · 06/10/2024 02:53

It was not being on the same wavelength that struck me too.

PeloMom · 06/10/2024 02:54

For me it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker however I can amuse myself easily and don’t rely on others for that. Only you know your values and what’s important to you when it comes to someone potentially for life.

yipyipyop · 06/10/2024 03:29

I can amuse myself fine but it's important for me to have a laugh in a relationship. I wouldn't be interested in someone who didn't make me laugh. Nice and funny people do exist.

BadLad · 06/10/2024 06:25

My wife isn’t exactly a comedian but she and I see the humour in many of the same things, so there’s plenty to laugh at every day even if very few actual jokes are told.

My father, on the other hand, thinks he’s God’s gift to comedy and the funniest man alive by a country mile. He makes David Brent look humble and self aware. He’s constantly either telling crap jokes or telling you about times in the past when he said something funny. When he is talking to his equally insufferable brothers, it is actually quite amusing to watch. You can see that when they’re “listening” to another person talking, they aren’t fully concentrating. They’re also thinking ahead to what funny comment they can say next. He has many great qualities but in this respect, how my mother never throttled him is beyond me.

Finding the same things funny is important, and finding things to laugh about rather than making each other laugh in the sense of being a comedian works for us.

Thisisntme1 · 06/10/2024 06:56

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.
My DH and I have been married for 20 years and we have a laugh together and he does make me laugh but we have quite different senses of humour.

Yelloworangetomato · 06/10/2024 07:21

I really agree with you OP.

My partner and I, we laugh at each others jokes on a daily basis. Usually over daft in-jokes of our own. Nobody else would find them funny. I wouldn't describe either OH or I as being particularly funny. So we do make each other laugh. But I really wouldn't say my partner was funny and I have thought about this because as you point out and we have seen on this thread, people talk about their husbands as though they are comedians. I wonder to what extent that is actually true. In my experience, men that are really very funny and gifted with quick wit and humour like that would often make terrible partners and are unable to maintain relationships and have a certain level of dysfunction in their lives. I would not want a husband like that. I don't think people's husbands are that guy...

SallyWD · 06/10/2024 07:56

It's never occurred to me that a partner should make me laugh, like like some kind of duty.
DH and I have been together 22 years and have a great relationship. We have a laugh together but I'm not sure he often makes me laugh. Sometimes yes, frequently, I'm not so sure.
I'd say I'm actually the funny one in our relationship and I make him laugh more than he makes me laugh. I don't see this as a problem? We're both happy.

Patriarchyaliveandwell · 06/10/2024 08:06

I am not a funny person and my husband is not a funny person…but together we make each other cry with laughter. We brought out this mutually unique sense of humour in each other and I appreciate it every day.

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/10/2024 08:27

He sounds boring

Woahtherehoney · 06/10/2024 08:32

I agree with PP’s, sorry OP. Me and my DP are always joking about with each other which has been very important with some of the things we’ve been through and especially him in the last year - he’s had a really rough time but we’ve got through it together still with kindness and laughter between us.

teapotsarebetter · 06/10/2024 08:43

Why are the only options "shit boyfriend who makes me laugh" or "good boyfriend that I'm not on the same wavelength with"?

Indeed. I dont want a partner that is telling jokes constantly but laughing together is important - it releases tension, reduces stress and bonds you. Life is hard enough as it is, if you cant laugh with someone then it's going to be pretty miserable.

My H is from a different culture so we dont necessarily find the exact same comedy material funny but we do laugh together a lot about stuff going on and we have certain phrases that make us cackle that noone else would really get. There is a balance to be had here and thats important. I couldn't be in a relationship that was completely devoid of humour any more than I could bear being with someone who saw a joke in literally everything and never took anything seriously.