To think your partner doesn’t need to make you laugh all the time?

[Chakkakhan]

Had a discussion with friends tonight and interested in views…

I’m seeing a lovely guy. He kind, attentive, good company and has a good sense of humour.

however, he doesn’t really really make me laugh. He isn’t quite on the same wavelength as me humour wise.

In the past, I’ve been attracted to men who really make me laugh. ( one guy was a stand up comedian). But they haven’t always had any of the other positive traits that make a relationship work, or that I find attractive ( often have lacked backbone, integrity, responsibility etc )

A couple of my friends think that someone with the same sense of humour is a non negotiable in a relationship and that I’m settling with this guy.

I don’t feel like that at all. I love having a laugh and it’s important to me. My friends are all funny. I think I’m funny. But I don’t think I need my other half to make me cry with laughter.

don’t get me wrong, he does make me laugh. But not in that way you get with a real kindred spirit who totally‘gets’ your sense of humour.

who is right aibu or are my friends?

Not a deal breaker for me. I'm the funny one in our family! My husband makes me laugh sometimes but "being funny" certainly isn't his defining quality. Like PP I'm very easily amused by all sorts of things so don't particularly need that from him.

DH and I definitely have humour on different wavelengths. We do laugh together but not ‘belly laugh’ like I might do with, for example, my best friend, who has a humour exactly on my wave length.

Our marriage is brilliant and my favourite thing in the world, so in my opinion it’s not a massive deal, and nor do I think anyone should be commenting on what you think you need in a partner.

It’s a balance. I could be with someone who is always, constantly messing around and joking about. Suits some people, but not me.

But My Dp does make me laugh. A lot. We are on the same wavelength. It’s quite important to me that a partner does make me laugh.

It might not be to you. But it really doesn’t have to be ‘shit boyfriend who doesn’t make me laugh’ or ‘could boyfriend who I am not on the same wavelength as’.

It sounds like it is a a bit of a problem for you and you are trying to convince yourself it’s not a problem. Because he has other good qualities. You don’t need to do that. You don’t need to settle because he is better than you other boyfriends if you have a concern about compatibility.

You sound a bit as though you're trying to persuade yourself that it's not important!

I'd need someone with similar humour who I have a laugh with. I couldn't go through a relationship only getting my laughs from my friends.

Sounds like he has a lot going for him. You’ve already said you don’t think you need a partner to make you cry with laughter and that he has a good sense of humour.
If crying with laughter every day is more important than someone who is kind, attentive, good company & still having a good sense of humour then I think you have your answer..

But he isn’t. That’s the thing. We have a really good connection.

We do have a laugh together, but it’s not the crying with laughter I’ve had with previous partners

Thanks for all your message - have read them all.

It’s reassuring to hear that many people have solid relationships without thinking shared sense of humour is the most important part.

i was worried - as some posters have suggested - that I was trying to talk myself into thinking it was a good idea.

but the bottom line is I enjoy his company. It’s a relatively new relationship, so perhaps there hasn’t been time to build shared jokes.

I may still decide that it’s an issue, but reckon I should give it a bit more time…

If a man can make me laugh he’s halfway into my pants. DH made me laugh so much that I fe for him really quickly. We find the same things funny and have private jokes where we just say a few words and we are both creased. It’s really important to me.

My husband makes me laugh every single day. We laugh a lot, even when things are shit. I think it's one of the things that keeps us bonded.

I agree with this. If you can often laugh at the same things together, then I think that could be enough for me.

I don’t like really the idea of expecting a partner to make you laugh. Presumably he’s not a clown or a performing seal? I’ve met plenty of men who kept trying to turn every conversation into a joke - I actually found it very wearing. I’d feel as though I was just starting to get to know them, then they’d derail the conversation or admit that what they’d just said wasn’t true.

I think this too.

Its not that he needs to be able to make you laugh all the time; being on the same wavelength when it comes to a sense of humour is as fundamental as a shared idea of how to manage issues like finances, or how to raise your kids.

If you aren't on the same wavelength one of you will constantly have to adjust to fit with the other.

dh and I laugh often but I think it has grown out of shared experiences, mishaps we've had, words we've got wrong, languages we've tried to learn (and failed at). We laugh at our own failings, and each others. But all that comes with time, and trust.

I once worked with a guy who was really, really funny. We'd be weeping with laughter on a daily basis. But he was quite hard work, needed to be centre stage all the time, and without an audience was actually quite boring. Fun to work with but married to - no way! His long-suffering wife had the patience of a saint.

some of these comments are weird
some (many!) people just aren't very funny! It's a character trait like anything else, like some people aren't very clever or handy or good at cooking!

I've got friends who have never made me laugh in over 20 years because they just aren't very funny people - doesn't mean they don't have a sense of humour or find things funny themselves but just aren't good at cracking jokes - presumably according to most of the posters on this thread nobody would ever want to go out with them?

I think as long as you can laugh with someone - if there's a joke on tv, if something funny happens when you're out and about - then that's fine, particularly if you're otherwise on the same wavelength and have lots to talk about and enjoy doing together, it's fine if they don't make you laugh often.

If you don't laugh at all either because your partner is grumpy and miserable, or because it's a wider sign that you don't have much in common at all, that's different.

But if the relationship is generally good, I actually think OP's view is much healthier - it's almost impossible to find one person who perfectly fulfills all your emotional needs and has the same sense of humour as you, similar interests and is at the same intellectual level as well as expecting them to be compatible both sexually and in a romantic capacity.

Far better to get some of these from other relationships - friendships, family, colleagues. At the end of the day if I want someone/thing to make me laugh, there are lots of avenues - I can chat to friends/family/go to a comedy gig/listen to a podcast/watch a tv show, etc. I can't just switch on my tv and find someone to shag, give me a cuddle, or make me dinner!