Overbearing MIL

[x1994x]

AIBU?

I'm pregnant with my first child and due January so me and DP have started getting the babies room together, furniture built and clothes put in the wardrobe.

I've been really excited as I love decorating and organising, I've bought wooden wall lights and painted them just to give the room our own touch.

I'm expecting a boy so I have bought blue accessories as I don't want a bland white and grey bedroom (the walls are white and carpet is grey and I want to save money so can't replace)

MIL was at our house all day Friday whilst we was working as we was expecting a signed for delivery and I came home from work (she had since left) and my babies room had been reorganised - think cot and furniture swapped around, some of my wooden lights have been taken down and the blue curtains have been taken down just leaving my white blinds up.

My babies clothes that I still had folded in a bag as I wanted to go through them, wash them, put them away in size order and where I need them had all been put away and hung up, labels ripped off them etc

Felt like a massive invasion of privacy as there was no asking if she can do this or heads up nor did me or DP give permission for her to do this.

Both me and DP went mad and basically told her she can't go into peoples houses and act as if it's her own and take over duties I've been looking forward to do as a first time mum. She played the card of wanting to do something nice and got upset bla bla bla.

She's now not talking to us (which is fine by me tbh) but AIBU or has this taken the mick?!

She's overstepped massively, yes she did you a favour with the parcel but it gives her no right to act like that. I'm glad you've both pulled her up on this now before baby arrives.

When someone shows you who they are… believe them.

MiL has shown you that she goes nosing around your house and interferes. I’m very glad your partner is furious too. Start as you mean to go on. This is not acceptable and I’m so pleased she has been told. Stand firm. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Yeah she was out of order taking things down. Maybe putting clothes away she thought she was helping but whatever you say shes going to act all offended.

Absolutely unacceptable.
She would never be in my home alone again.
Let her sulk and if I were you I would blow this up hugely so that it NEVER happens again.
Make that crystal clear to your partner.
Her behaviour is not normal at all.
It is massively unacceptable and if give an inch here, you are doomed.
Your first time parenthood is doomed.
Women like her ruin new motherhood.

I would not get over this.
She thinks she knows better than you.
Your partner needs to make it very clear that this will never happen again.

You have every right to be extremely pissed off with her! I’m a MIL and would never dream of doing anything like this! What the heck!?
I’d be fuming and would never leave her alone in my house again.

What an incredible cheek! Doing something nice my arse, she wanted to play dolls with your baby’s clothing and room. I’d have been particularly angry at her ripping the labels off the clothing, unless there is some massive backstory where you’ve been telling her you’re too tired to do anything? If not then she’s a wanna be controlling CF and you can probably expect more of the same when baby arrives unless you put her firmly in her box.

Nope - the opposite, I've been telling everyone how this is what I'm most looking forward to and can't wait to organise his little room and clothing

I'm glad I wasn't overreacting and thankfully my DP is just as pissed off. It's the first GC so I get the excitement but it takes all the excitement away from me and my DP as this is the first time we've experienced this

Why on earth would she rip the labels off the babies clothes??? That is so odd! What if you wanted to keep them for another child or give away- you have no idea what size they are or the washing instructions! On this alone- she is batshit.

For invading your privacy, moving things about- she is also batshit and overstepping.
What was your DH doing then entire time? Did he not wonder why his mum was gone for an hour or so in your home?
PLEASE don't tell us she has a key and went into your home on her own???

This excuse of "but I was being helpful" is such bullshit that makes me so angry.

When I was young, newly married and naive we had some really key decisions made for us by my PILs because my DH was still in the clutch of FOG and I wasn't sure if it was ok or not. When they came into our home a few years later, decided they didn't like something and so replaced it I was done.

It's not helpful it's controlling because they wouldn't walk into the sibling's or friend's house and do the same because it would be rude.

You are not wrong Op. Keep your boundaries.

My mum pulls stunts like this and gets all upset/teary when I pull her up on it. I wouldn't dream of going into her house and randomly rearranging her stuff and neither should she. You're not wrong OP. It's so invasive!

Oh my days.
I'm outraged on your behalf 😳

Crikey! Took down the wall lights and rearranged the room?! That is absolutely outrageous! She can stay not talking to you, probably be a blessed relief!

Nooo id never give a key!!

DP was at work as well, she was only there to sign for a parcel we needed otherwise we wouldn't just have her at ours whilst we're out

I'm livid on your behalf.

I would have went batshit

I think she's been unspeakable but I don't think "going mad" is the way.

Tinkly laugh and "oh MIL, you've changed everything. It took me two hours to get it back the way it was and I wasn't sure about some of the clothes and now I can't take them back. If you want to do anything like that again, please ask".

Never ever let her have a set of keys.

Sooooo rude!

It almost seems like a control tactic. Rearranging furniture and taking curtains down is so strange. It’s as if she’s telling you it looked shit, without saying it out loud.

“wanting to do something nice” - would be bringing a little food shop, treats, flowers, or washing up any pots that may have been in the sink. What a strange woman.

Just putting clothes away could have passed as thinking she was helping, but taking the curtains off and rearranging the furniture? Bizarre

YANBU OP I would be fuming. My own MIL did similar; she came up to stay with us and was home alone whilst we were working. She asked if she could do anything to be helpful and I said if she had time she could perhaps push the hoover round. When I came back from work all the kitchen cupboards had been emptied and reorganised, she had been through my medicine cabinet and reorganised it and worst of all my secret chocolate stash had been put out on the coffee table! My DH did have quite strong words with her and your DH needs to do the same, she’s out of order.

There is no way that she really thought she was being helpful. Who would actually take stuff down like the wooden lights and the curtains?

Does she often do something outrageous and then turn on the waterworks?

My friends ILs were helping them move into their first house after they were married . Very nice of them but when the couple went to go to bed that night, his mother ( very Catholic) had put a large crucifix over the headboard 😇

I’d be furious about this. Getting your baby’s room and clothes ready is so personal and such a special part of preparing for the baby. She had her chance when she had your husband. And even if she thought she was being helpful, she could have just checked with you.

@x1994x that would be it for life with me!!! I would be very wary of her overstepping when you have your baby! helping would have been doing some ironing for you or hanging out washing, definitely not wandering from room to room in your house!!!

Bang out of order and I’m a MiL.

Start gathering care home leaflets and leave them lying around.....