To be annoyed at my friend for arranging drinks with strangers on holiday

[Sundaycoffee]

On holiday at an AI resort with a friend.
We had a brief chat with a couple of ladies in the lift yesterday when we arrived, who happened to be a few doors down from our hotel room.
My friend came back from the pool bar today to say she had bumped into them again and told them we would be at the bar for 7pm tonight if they would like to join us for a cocktail.
I'm not one for making "friends" on holiday and found it a bit rude and presumptuous that my friend had just made these arrangements without having any kind of conversation with me first...AIBU?

You could say OK fine as a one off, it could be fun, but please don't set up anything else without checking with me first. I find strangers harder work than you do.

Yeah maybe. I guess in my head it just might not be "one" drink and before you know it they are joining us every night or hanging by the pool. It's all well and good telling my friend I'm not keen to hang with them all the time but if they approach us at the bar every night for the rest of the week you can hardly tell them to eff off!

Who made you the boss of her though? I am assuming noone. If you don't want to go then don't. Stay in the room and get ready for dinner or read or whatever and say you'll join her 40 minutes later for dinner.

To be honest if you are this hard work no wonder she has sought out some additional company.

Good to see you have a sense of humour!

Look, it can be annoying when someone you're with takes the lead and ASSUMES you will be fine with different arrangements. Is it worth having a barney over though? I'd go this evening and see what happens. If you are not enjoying it then maybe say to friend that she might run any arrangements she makes by you first next time.

Danger is you might come across as sniffy and dull and not wanting to socialise with anyone but your friend. Friend then gets bored, then there's an argument and someone sleeps in the spare room LOL.

How long more have you got there?

Actually you don't have to. You can just say we are doing our own thing today/tonight etc.

Not at all. I was just checking it wouldn't be rude of me to say I wasn't keen, as I felt like maybe it would be. So thank you for confirming I am totally within my rights to say "actually no thanks" 😁

But it is unreasonable to say you don’t want this drink and nor do you want to sit in alone suggesting your friend should be with you.

Live a little, go. It’s one drink.

If you want to socialise only with your friend and she wants to mix with other people then you will both need to compromise (or one/both of you will have a rubbish holiday). I guess she was talking to the other ladies about going to the bar and you weren't there to discuss it. Say to her that you don't want to 'share' your holiday so may not want to meet up with other people very often and if she wants more company she'll have to go alone.

This is the type of thing my friend would do and it would annoy me.

I’m like you OP. When I’m on holiday I like to spend my time with the person I travel with not random strangers.

Ive got a couple of different friends I go away with. The main one I go away with a few times a year is like me and we keep ourself to ourself. The other I go away with once a year and she literally starts chatting to everyone who crosses her path. I know that’s who she is so I roll with it. We compromise and have a couple of nights out just us and another couple with her new holiday friends. And after a few drinks I’m far more sociable 🤣

but if they approach us at the bar every night for the rest of the week you can hardly tell them to eff off!
Surely you're not staying in the same bar every single night?

I’m not one for working the room on holiday but I’d take this for what it is, might actually be a laugh.

I'm fairly antisocial on holiday too but often go with people like your friend 😂 just give it a go tonight (the ladies might not even meet you!) and if they do, it might be a laugh. If at the end of the night you don't want to do it again, just tell your friend you want to avoid them for the rest of the holiday.

"We" once ended up befriending a single mother and 7 year old boy and we struggled to get rid of them! Joining us at dinner, round the pool, every evening etc. I actually quite liked them but it did feel a bit much. I felt a bit sorry for the lady who obviously wanted some adult company so we made it work.

Of course you are being unreasonable.

Because you think she should have asked and you and when you said no, she shouldn’t have gone either.

You can absolutely say no. You can not want to sit and drink with other people. But you can’t also dictate that she doesn’t.

It's one of the things I look for in a travel companion, the ability to collect randos. I have a friend who goes traveling with me and we talk to people wherever we go. I've also traveled with someone who never wanted to talk to anyone (for months of traveling!) and suffice to say I would never travel with her again and we aren't friends any more. She was suffocating.

But it's very personal. You've learned that she's one type of person and you're another. Suck it up for a week and don't travel with her again.

Exactly this.

You could sit with a book if you want?

You’re getting a bit of a pasting here OP. I would feel the same as you - I’d want to be asked. I don’t want to hang out with random people on holiday.

Ideally you would’ve discussed this before going away together.

As for those saying they won’t travel again with someone who’s not into collecting randoms - maybe they’d rather not travel with you again either?

Ah the best of friends are always made on holiday (until you never speak to them again after the holiday is over…). You might actually enjoy it!

I think it is rude.
However, go down have a drink or two and leave them to it if you can't be arsed.
I can understand you not wanting to make small talk, but be open to it and clear off if it doesn't suit you.

I'm sure it's nothing personal but she might find the idea of a resort holiday with one person a bit intense and be happy to dilute the company/ conversation a bit (although I'm sure it's lovely company, I get that you're venting here). for your part, you're very sociable for work so this being nice to strangers thing is a bit of a busman's holiday. seeing as it's arranged, I would go with the flow for tonight if they do turn up but be politely clear with your friend that you're not looking to necessarily do that every night if need be. If she is, you can't stop her but you don't need to stay in the room alone. You can have evenings apart. go with an open mind, you might really enjoy it.

This would annoy me too. I'm all for chatting to randoms on holiday (went backpacking round the world solo in my 20s and it'd have been a bit of a lonely trip if I never struck up a conversation with anyone!) if everyone involved is happy to go along with the plan and is aware it's being made. I'd think the lack of prior discussion here to be a bit off, and would say so, but would also go along for said cocktail and see how it pans out.

I'm surprised at the responses so far! If I went on holiday with a friend I'd want to hang out with them, not random people. Partly cos it's easier to chill and not be "on" all the time.

Also as you say, if they're actually staying at your resort, you're potentially setting a pattern for hanging out together the whole holiday.

People are saying the OP can say "no thanks" but that's going to be tricky without looking standoffish.

I’d hate this too. I’ll chat to anyone but wouldn’t want to make any arrangements with strangers on holiday.

Absolutely. It's not a slur, it's just the reality. I'm sure my traveling companion is very glad to never travel with me again. Or actually, travel, because it's not her happy place.