Do you consider this ‘wealthy’?

[haleeeee]

Two kids in private school since primary. Two buy to let’s of around 250k value each. One holiday home value 280k. Own home mortgage free. Income allows for a few holidays a year circa 3k each time.

Wealthy? Well off? Or just better than average?

That’s how you become a millionaire I guess!

By my standards, they’re rich. But it’s all relative, isn’t it? They’re rich to me because I’m poor. To a billionaire, they’d be on the breadline.

They live a certain lifestyle and it sounds like every spare penny they have goes towards that lifestyle. Skipping desserts might sound tight fisted but if it means they can afford to go on a lovely holiday a couple of times a year, or make the payments on a lease car, then that’s fair enough. That’s how they choose to prioritise and spend what they have.

It makes me feel shit as I have much much less and do genuinely struggle! I mean this with kindness, but their situation doesn’t reflect on you. It’s not them who are making you feel shit; it’s you who is doing that. What do you have to feel shit about? It doesn’t sound like they’re judging you, so why are you judging them? If they’re claiming that they’re too poor to live, then roll your eyes at them and laugh because that is clearly ridiculous. If they’re saying they don’t have the cash to do something and they’re watching their pennies, then that’s completely different; they’re choosing to spend their cash on different things and I think it’s a bit unfair of you to resent them for that.

Just to add to my earlier post, there are so many people here who do exactly the same thing as the OP’s family, just on a different scale. I regularly see threads from people who are sacrificing having cash in the bank in order to live in a nicer area. Or spending thousands on a family holiday when you can get a week in Butlins for a couple of hundred quid. And I’m poor, but there will be people who have less than I do that will be able to point out that I could have more cash in the bank if I didn’t choose to do A, B or C. Unless we’re cash rich, we all prioritise and spend on the stuff that’s important to us. How are any of us different from the OP’s relatives?

How are any of us different from the OP’s relatives?

We don't go all go round saying "ooh we're struggling" when we're patently not.

They’re struggling to afford what they want to do, and made comment when in the company of family who presumably they can assume familiarity with. They weren’t claiming poverty.

Actually saying it in front of OP is unpolitic. As she said in an earlier post:

asking because this is my brother and sister in law and they repeatedly claim they are struggling. It makes me feel shit as I have much much less and do genuinely struggle!

In fact, I'd go so far as to call it crass.

Are they claiming that though? Have they actually said ‘we’re struggling. We don’t know how we’re going to put food on the table this year’?

Or are they just saying that they don’t want to spend their money on certain stuff because their cash is limited, and they’d rather use it on other things, and the OP is just putting her own spin on it? Their claim that they can’t afford pudding might be completely accurate if they’re budgeting every penny to live the life they’ve chosen.

No idea what impolitic means, but will hazard a guess that you think it’s a bit off.

So where do you draw the line? Are none of you supposed to complain about the cost of running your big three or four bedroom houses in case I get upset because I only live in a one bed HA flat? Or how the cost of living crisis means you can only afford one holiday this year? Of course not, that would be utterly ridiculous. Your success doesn’t diminish me and if I have a problem with it, that’s for me to get over, not for you to have to pretend you don’t have to budget in case I get upset that I have to budget more than you do.

Where are they claiming poverty there?

‘Struggling’ can be used to apply to difficulties in affording things wanted as it can to things needed.

They were talking about themselves - they weren’t required to centre OP, and it’s unreasonable to expect them to. Not everything is about those with less.

Ah yeah, I settled on crass in the end. 😂

I think it's generally best not to talk about money.

And if you're holidaying abroad several times a year yet whining you don't want to pay out on a creme brulee you're a big of a dick in my book.

Bit!

Off the charts wealthy for me

Good guesswork on my part! 😂

I agree with you about it being best not to talk about money. But if you’re with family, everyone is having dessert and pushing you to have one too, are you not in a place where you can be honest and say ‘no, we’re watching what we spend’ without being made to feel like you’re terrible people because you’re in a different position and spend your cash on different stuff? They don’t seem to be asking other people to pay for them, even if they accept it when it’s offered, and they’re not borrowing money or telling anyone to work harder or judging anyone because they have less assets. Unless there’s a drip feed coming, I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

If they are "tight" or like to watch the purse strings, this could be an indication as to how they have gotten so wealthy! Some wealthy people do not like to spend money. My inlaws are like this. Very wealthy but wear clothes like they are not and never eat out, only make their onw food etc!

Any fool can spend their cash and moan about being short.

I knew someone who claimed to have put all their money in a term account and claimed to be unable to pay for anything.

But they're saying they're "struggling" not "we're keeping to a budget". If they were actually being honest rather than a bit dramatic, it wouldn't be so annoying.

And I do think it's a bit off to have dessert when other people are paying but wriggle out of it if it's your turn.

They're managing to make op feel like shit, so 🤷.

He does consultancy work and is classed as self employed.
His wife works too

Your calculation is probably wrong. If he was an employee, then depending on the parameters, it might be £107,186.40

See https://www.tax.service.gov.uk/estimate-paye-take-home-pay/your-results?csrfToken=7a2c914d978217541cf6025715c9dbbbeacda456-1728397842759-622eb32154b4f5d842cb307f

When I was in business on my own I used to take a monthly amount sufficient for my needs, and covering all business costs and tax liabilities, and near the end of the tax year decide what was left over, and put that into my pension (saving all income tax and both NI contributions), reducing my mortage, tucking away some for future hard times, maximising my ISA, and spending some. I don't think I ever pretended I couldn't afford a pudding, but I certainly became more frugal in dips and downturns.

Self employed pay into pensions on their own. No employer to make contributions. We find the state employees with the biggest pensions are the tightest. I think it’s because they were non risk takers. They would never have been capable of running a business and just plodded along with very decent payouts when over 60 as they all take redundancy and the pension. Few seem to just retire. We always end up with a problem regarding where to eat

Bet they can't afford the VAT rise though.

in my experience of lots of wealthy contacts they all sacrificed marriages, relationships, time with family, holidays to work hard. I’m a lawyer I’m contactable 7 days a week 24 hours a day including family holidays, Christmas, one colleague had to take a call at his mother’s funeral. I’m well paid but I make sacrifices for it. My parents were both immigrants. My DH grew up in poverty. We aren’t lucky. We work like dogs. I’m not complaining but I don’t begrudge anyone else for their choices either.

Absolutely. I do a bit of work on almost every day of the year (even on holiday) - am a lawyer.
I think the issue here is though that if people who are fairly well off say they are hard up in front of someone who has even less that is a very unkind and silly thing to say.

My DSIS did unpaid work most evenings and every weekend. She was a nursery manager earning not much above the minimum wage. A hugely demanding job. Very little financial reward.

@Newyorkcity123 this isn’t my experience - my wealthy contacts are wealthy due to inherited wealth. Parents bought houses for them that are worth millions now, no debts as bankrolled through study, holidays on the family country estate. Private school education and the same for their children. A level of privilege that far exceeded what they earn (which is usually high but not insanely so) but with all their financial advantages they can save and invest more of their salary day to day too, so just keep on amassing wealth.

Apart from a few elite jobs and successful entrepreneurs, I think it’s pretty hard to earn your way from poor to wealthy. It was definitely easier to amass property wealth etc for my parents generation.

That is really interesting as so different to my experience. Thank you for sharing.