… to ask, if you’ve ever had therapy?

[Katielovesteatime]

And if so, would you recommend it? Why? And if not, why not?

Can you (or anyone!) recommend a more reliable service that can be done via zoom/skype/etc?

I'm not in the UK so would be really helpful!

Most private therapists will see clients remotely now. There shouldn't be an issue with finishing therapy if the service doesn't work for you and choosing someone else.

I've been on both sides of the therapy relationship. I had some therapy as part of my training and some after my child died. It may have been helpful. It gave me a place where I could unload, so that was helpful in voicing all the stuff going around in my head.

I could use some therapy around current circumstances but am choosing not to have it. I don't feel the time, cost and effort I'd have to put into it something I want to face right now.

I've had long term therapy with a male therapist and found it life changing. I tried a few female therapists and didn't quite gel with them so worth making sure you click with your therapist as it's a relationship that develops over time.

I had a crappy childhood, my mother's scapegoat which has deeply affected all my relationships in life. I became a chronic people pleaser and felt powerless and exploited by a lot of ruthless people including my ex husband and 'family'.

I won't say it's easy. I'm NC with all of my family and lost a lot of 'friends' but life is good and I feel in control of my life. I'm very fortunate to be able to afford it too as it's not cheap.

Have a look for any register of qualified therapists in your country @Katielovesteatime. Some therapists offer Zoom although I like face to face as it feels like a proper relationship, albeit one-sided, you talk about your issues, the therapist listens and responds.

I think you and I would get along well as I agree with so much of your post! I often say that the more experience people get the less shite they roll into sessions with them and the less prescriptive and authoritarian their approach is. "Right ok tick that off the agenda, what is next for today...". Very teacher-ish approaches that I don't personally use.

I quite liked it at first, but then I found it very rigid. I didnt like the 'rules', the lack of polite chat at the start or end. The fact that it had to be the same time each week. I found I was nervous going each week, I often would drive there wracking my mind for something to talk about.

I used to feel a bit sick at the idea I might not be able to fill the 50 mins.

I've switched to counselling and find it much snappier and transactional. I get a full hour. I'm learning just as much about how I behave in my normal life as I did at therapy, but I don't dread going.

I do wonder if I've got enough to talk about to maintain the remaining sessions though!

All mine are private.

Be very careful choosing your therapist. I had one who was obsessed with “safety” and wrote a lot of letters to my gp, with my consent. I didn’t mind that when I was in therapy with her although I thought it was kind of naive in massively over estimating the amount of influence a gp can have over someone’s “safety”, but never mind. However in one session she got very carried away and said I needed more “support” from social services and she was going to arrange for that without my consent. I ended the relationship. I was talking about arguable emotional abuse in a historic relationship and her response was completely overblown, well out of proportion to the agreed framework in which client confidentiality does not apply when someone is at risk. I had to end that relationship and I regret telling her anything. Nothing came of it probably because someone put it more in proportion for her. But I was angry and frightened that a whole nightmarish admin faff was about to be kicked off. I’ll struggle to trust someone now. Which is a pity as I need some MH help.

I've had CBT which I hated.

Recently had something similar to what a PP mentioned: solutions-foused hypnotherapy, where the therapist chatted to my subconscious. Which was very weird but quite effective!

Honestly - no, I didn’t find it helpful at all.

People are always adamant this means you had the wrong therapist but I don’t think this is the case. I just don’t think it’s quite as amazing as it’s claimed it is!

Cbt great in theory but. Mindfulness, PowerPoint and worksheets are not going to fix anything chronic. I've had ACT therapy for anxiety. I was so anxious I couldn't do any hobbies or fun things. I found it too intimidating. After therapy, I have done lots of courses and fun stuff.

I've had CBT and then a broader person-centred therapy. I liked both - CBT was useful-ish at the time for a quite specific thing. Agreed with PPs that the period you're in therapy can be a bit emotionally exhausting though - I felt a bit raw all the time. A bit like when you first start going to the gym and your muscles hurt all the time, exercising new emotional skills and working on stuff took it out of me a bit! I suppose it depends why you're there, though.

I definitely recommend my therapist but it depends what kind of therapy you need.

I think this is because nhs cbt tends to be delivered by barely trained low qualified staff

Yes. It helped me a lot (I lost my brother, he was in the armed forces).

I work in the legal area, and have worked with many victims of serious crime for over 20+ years. I've seen a lot of people benefit over those years. I'm also aware of some people who say that therapy has totally failed them.

The science behind the different approaches is much better understood now, than in the past. That's not uncommon, people "discover" things that work, and the underlying mechanisms may not be understood. Like many people, in more recent times I'd read "The Body Keeps the Score", and that also resonated with me.

Tend to agree. Counselling only draws you back into pain. Best to live in the present if you can. If you living in the past or future, your aren't fully enjoying the present.
Stop thinking start living is very good.

I have had person centred counselling, after reporting childhood sexual abuse. My counsellor was fa tactic, but it did take about 4/5 sessions before she really got me to the crux of my difficulties. Once she did that, it was fantastic, but you have to be prepared to potentially go back through some of the trauma and be really open. It’s not for everyone.

My son had CBT when he was 11. He witnessed quite a violent event and 6 months after, he was really struggling and got incredibly clingy and anxious about everything. I paid privately and he had 7 sessions. It was well worth the money.

I also sent him to a hypnotherapist recently for chronic nail biting. It was that bad, he ended up in hospital with a really bad infection. Again, I had to pay private, but 7 sessions later and 6 months on, he has the most fabulous nails. Just the fact that he had nails and not stumps of skin that bled regularly, is amazing.

Yes. I've done some bits and pieces but the big one was over 4 years in private integrative psychotherapy after being bereaved by suicide. I believe it's revolutionalised my life, because I'm certain that I met dp and made a relationship with him.in a way I've never done before.

I had CBT. I don’t think it was particularly helpful to me. One thing I was taught to do was keep my evidence box to help my self esteem. That is still useful today

Lots. I had some at university with a trainee - not helpful.

CBT when I left a job - very helpful as I realised I needed to stop comparing myself to others

Another time to try and fix my issues with relationships - not helpful, was the wrong therapist.

Another time - CBT after a health diagnosis - not helpful as I needed more person centred approach not homework.

Another three times - CBT to help me with getting into a positive routine - was helpful.

It's difficult as it depends how much you want to sit with your thoughts and issues, they can be quite painful and when you can't change the past it can just feel like a heavy weight- but if you are stuck in negative thought patterns it can be really helpful. I also find somatic therapy really helpful- yoga type work etc. and exercise. Sometimes more than verbalising is needed.

Yes.

I had a couple of NHS therapists who were awful.

A couple of years ago I sourced my own through the BACP registry. I had psychodynamic therapy. It was excellent.

What I would say to anyone thinking about it is

• make sure you get an accredited therapist, not just someone with print-out counselling 'qualifications'. The BACP register is excellent for this.
• you do not have to settle for the first therapist you find. Shop around, it has to be a good fit.
• CBT is not the be all and end all of therapy. Plenty of people say 'oh I had CBT and didn't find it helped'. I had psychodynamic therapy because I didn't need tools for the way I think, I needed to try to come to terms with how angry I was with my parents for failing me in so many ways. Read into what you think would best suit you.
• try not to think of therapy as being something you've done therefore you're 'finished'. Just because you've had it before, doesn't mean you can't have it again. I am very comforted by the thought that I can always start again one day.
• you can't have therapy for anyone else. You can't do it to fix a broken relationship, for example.
• you won't be 'better' because you've started. I felt more angry and emotionally volatile a couple of months in because I was digging things over. This is normal. I once despairingly asked my therapist when I'd be able to stop. She said she thought it was when I'd stopped being so angry, and she was right.
• done right, you won't come away 'fixed' necessarily - some things in me can never be fixed. But I feel proud of myself that I turned up for myself every week and I put in the work for my children. I love myself better now for it.