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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish DP was also an early riser sometimes

35 replies

Lux1982 · 05/10/2024 08:11

I am an early riser by nature not by choice. I would like to experience sleeping in as much as DP can but when I am awake I am awake and I can’t fall back asleep no matter how hard I try. I wake up between 6-7am most days even weekends. I get up and get jobs done as quietly as I can so not to wake DP and the children up.

Really what I like to do is take the dog out for a long walk at that time especially if it’s not raining I love to go. By the time I get back DP might be awake, we shower and the day starts.

DP doesn’t like me taking the dog out that early he likes to come too. He likes us to do our weekend dog walks together as couple time. This is fine if we have nothing else to do. Problem is he has made plans for 11am for us to go for a coffee with someone and it will take us an hour to get there and I would need to shower, wash & dry hair etc. Last night I said I might take the dog out if I woke up first he said no, wake me at 8.30am we will have plenty of time to go. But I’ve already been up since 6.30am and I am bored now, and it will be a rush, the dog walk will be 20-30 mins not an hour and just round the block, not the nice country walk I would have done. I am annoyed I didn’t just go out when I first woke up so I suppose this is my own fault. If I wait for him to wake up I have to shower now ready for later on and get sweaty I would rather shower after my walk.

We have been together for years but the dog is a new addition so we are trying to adapt to having very different sleep patterns. Do other early risers just live their own secular early lives rather than sitting waiting for someone else to wake up I am not BU that that’s silly right?

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 05/10/2024 08:13

Just tell him to he has to be up by x o
clock if he wants to join on dog walk.

I would say you leave at 7.30am. So if he wants to join he can join at 7.30am. He can either get up earlier and ready, or walk and shower and eat after at 9am

unpackthat · 05/10/2024 08:13

I think you walk the dog. It benefits you and the dog. Seems unfair you do housework and then miss out on something that would be special to you.

SocksAndTheCity · 05/10/2024 08:16

You don't actually have to get up just because you're awake - don't you ever have a lie in? That said, if you want to go out and walk the dog I would just go.

I like waking up an hour or two before I have to get up, but then I normally faff with my phone and listen to the radio which is maybe less practical if somebody else is asleep.

BurbageBrook · 05/10/2024 08:17

Just take the dog out first thing. If he wants he can take the dog out for an extra walk later!

1apenny2apenny · 05/10/2024 08:19

Does your DH have the final say on everything? I do think this is often the case in relationships and it's something I have actively worked on to stop.

In your situation I would simply be saying that as you get up early and it such a perfect time to walk the dog that's what you'll be doing it on the weekend. He's welcome to join if he wants, after all if he wants to do it that badly he will. There alternative is to be compromise, agree a 7:30 start for example and just go if he's not ready.

Also why don't you use this extra time for yourself - do a daily yoga practice, a workout or read a book. You don't have to do housework etc.

Autumnalfun · 05/10/2024 08:20

Goodness take the dog out, he can do a second walk if he wishes. So much angst.

hoever I’m the same, I’m an early riser, I want to paint the bedroom today and I can’t go in and do that till my husband is up obviously. But anything outside the bedroom is fair game.

Blinkii · 05/10/2024 08:20

It's about compromise. Sometimes you do it when you're up early, and sometimes just wait for him.

Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright · 05/10/2024 08:24

He's being so unreasonable. Is he not familiar with the concept of setting an alarm...however I think the problem will resolve itself when the novelty of the dog wears off.

Nannyfannybanny · 05/10/2024 08:24

6/7 an early riser, I was expecting it to be 4/5. DH gets up then,goes to bed at 9 because that's what he did for years at work before he retired 2 years ago. In the summer I wake up early as soon as it's light, inspite of blackout curtain lining and an eye mask. I get the washing on,(economy 7) and outside in my pjs,big garden always something to do,dogs taken out together later.

Original poster
Lux1982 · 05/10/2024 08:28

He thinks it’s early especially weekends. I can wake up naturally he can’t he has to use a lot of alarms.

I do other things I did a work out this morning and laundry. I could read a book but I would rather go outside than lie in bed. He says I fidget too much anyway you have to let your dog out to the toilet so I have already got up by then

Its not the dog novelty I got up early anyway and would go for a walk but he didn’t mind that

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 05/10/2024 08:28

Why do you have to do what your dh wants, every single weekend? Tell him that you would enjoy taking the dog for a walk first thing in the morning. Sometimes you’ll wait for him but sometimes you’ll go on your own.

You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes!

wateringcanface · 05/10/2024 08:29

I get this. We don't have kids but hope to soon and I hope this changes the routine. As kids make you get up early.

I'm not an early early riser, but I get up in enough time to enjoy a leisurely coffee, and maybe walk dog. My husband rolls out of bed at the latest minute, grabbs a coffee to go and he's off. On days off or weekends, same thing, if there's plans at 11, he'll lie in bed will 10:30. If no plans, doesn't often get out of bed till gone 11.

My parents had always got up early together at 6ish, they'll go for a walk, make breakfast and sit and eat it at the table, then they'll usually sit in thr conservatory, read some news articles or something and discuss them. It's such a nice routine where as I spend all morning alone up until his last minute rush around. I'd find it lovely us both having a leisurely coffee together at that quiet sleepy part of the morning. That vibes usually been and gone for me by 12am on a weekend which is usually when he's up and ready to start his day.

IBlameTheDog · 05/10/2024 08:32

So you're missing out and the dog is missing out just because your DH won't get out of bed?

This makes zero sense? Just tell him you're going at 7.30. You'd like him to join you but if not you'll go by yourself?

I went out early with my dog today and watched the sunrise. It was beautiful and has really put me in a good mood for the day 🌅

LizzieSiddal · 05/10/2024 08:32

I will add my dh is a very early riser, he’s usually up at 5, It never crossed my mind to tell him what he could/could not do during that time!

IrritableVowel · 05/10/2024 08:35

I'm the early bird here, I am usually up by 7.30 at weekends, DH can sleep to 10.30/11. I am like OP, I can't go back to sleep and I don't like lying in bed. I usually end up on the couch with 2 snoozy dogs and a coffee.

OP I don't think it is fair that your husband gets to dictate dog walking times.

Can you compromise that you go for your hour in the morning if you feel like it, and you both do a shorter one later in the day?

Or on days you have plans, you go early, if no plans you wait? EG early on Saturday before going somewhere, later ramble on Sunday before home for lunch

greatcoffeebadhair · 05/10/2024 08:36

Dh is like this. Sorry @wateringcanface but it definitely didn’t get better with kids! Quite the opposite … in fact what op is going through with the dog is probably similar: your dp doesn’t want to miss out, but also won’t wake up early, so you end up waiting around with dogs/ children for him to get up so your day can begin.

Op, your dh doesn’t know what you do in the mornings because to him that time doesn’t exist. You have to tell him and find a compromise.

Dc and I have now developed some gorgeous morning rituals that we do together - walks, painting, games.

I think you should compromise on one shared dog walk a week, if he wants to have that couple time, but does it have to be the morning walk? Surely you take the dog out more than once. Maybe the morning walk is yours because you’re up early, and the afternoon one is couples time

Blessedbunny · 05/10/2024 08:40

Can’t you do both? The dog has two walks, you have two walks, husband has one walk.

LottieMary · 05/10/2024 08:40

Not an early riser by choice (my kids are!) but I recognise a lot more in your op and think actually it’s more about people pleasing at the expense of yourself - many times after the fact I’ve thought I should have just done what I wanted instead of trying constantly to accommodate others. Is there an element of that for you?

you have to make the most of that time or you’ll feel resentment. It doesn’t have to be every weekend but go for the walk if that makes you happy especially in the weather at the moment before the mornings get miserable! There’s something magical about a sunrise walk, isn’t there!

ZekeZeke · 05/10/2024 08:42

Dogs love to walk.
Two walks in the morning separately you both walk the dog together in the evening?

Owly11 · 05/10/2024 08:43

Another vote for two walks. Your DH can't dictate what you do before he wakes up but you can go for a second walk with him and the dog when he wakes up then everyone is happy, especially the dog!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/10/2024 08:46

@Lux1982 I am with OP. i waken up early, sometimes 3-4am and i just get up because i know i wont get back to sleep. taking the dog for a walk early morning is good. remember, dogs cant open the door when they need a wee, they rely on their owners to take them out and they also need the loo first thing in the morning. to make a dog wait for a couple of hours is not good. my hubby is also a late riser if he is not doing anything. i would love him to bring me a coffee in bed but he is always too late and i need my coffee immediately.

user5883920 · 05/10/2024 08:47

I am so with you on this OP. I wake naturally about 6.30, have tried to fall back to sleep/lie in but I cant- my body just naturally likes waking up this time. Sorry, but I dont want to lie there bored until 8.30 any more than I would expect others to wake up at 6.30. Why does he get to do what he wants and you dont?!

Take the dog out. I really enjoy going out early as the sun is rising alone with the dog- it refreshes me and sets me up for the day. It gives me time to reflect on the day and think my thoughts- it's fab. It's fine if he wants to sleep in but he cant demand you wait for him when you have stuff to do. Take the dog out twice if he is insisting on being there but dont stop doing what you want to do- he isnt!

Original poster
Lux1982 · 05/10/2024 08:59

Well I went to wake him up half an hour ago guess where he still is? He wanted me to get back in with him so I did for a while but it’s boiling in the bed and he said we can still go if we want but we will just have to go later on as running out of time. Lesson learnt now I will be going on my own when I want to go!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lux1982 · 05/10/2024 09:03

Also he keeps asking why I am annoyed but I don’t want to get into a silly row as I should have just gone out earlier anyway

OP posts:
mumsinnets · 05/10/2024 09:05

Ask the dog what he/she would want to do. Miss out on a long morning walk or wait for your husband to wake up.