Aspirational/admirable in middle age

[Wisenotboring]

I am approaching/in middle age and like to reflect and do a bit of an 'audit' of where I am up to from time to time. I'm really interested to hear what you would perceive to be aspirational or admirable traits in women in this time of life. I've got my own ideas, but it's good to hear some.diffwrnet views.

Assessing your life based on whether you feel fulfilled and contented, rather than comparing yourself to other people?

I don't think I do compare myself to others massively tbh. I am open minded though and I think it is valuable to think outside your own set of values and habits.

I know the correct answer is a middle aged women who’s a really great mother or something but to be honest I admire middle aged women who are killing it in their career. Smart, accomplished…particularly those in public life. I have to say I really admire(d) the likes of Angela merkel, Mary Robinson….not achievable for most of us I know!

Planning for financial security in future. Living for good health in the future.
Enjoying life and being brave enough to make bold changes if they aren't enjoying life.

Giving something back to others who have given to you or to a community you've been involved with.

Having new goals if previous career or family goals have been achieved.

I've been too busy getting through the day for the last twenty years to compare myself to anyone else.

I think you need to be happy with the life you've created, thankful for small things and not stagnate professionally.

I'm really happy with who I am. I think that's the biggest thing to aspire to, because if you're not, little will have the shine in life it should.

I think for me it's about not letting life grind you down. Generally you're out of the worst of the childcare and what I find inspiring is women who are picking themselves up and starting again on what makes them happy and fulfilled. That might be fitness, new qualifications, career progression, travel or any or all of the above. Just having that drive and energy to get a second wind and do something fulfilling!

To me it's someone who is really comfortable in the stage of life she's in. Looking like a kick ass 40 or 50 something rather than trying to look 20, enjoying their years of experience paying off at work, not complaining about being 'so old', solidly embracing who and what they are.

Thanks. I can definitely relate to wanting to be comfortable in my own skin, and optimistic and energised for what's next. I certainly don't want to just sleepwalk I to the next 15 years. I took a bit of an off piste job opportunity a few years ago and it has definitely energised me. I wouldn't say I have a really high profile/status job, but it's fulfilling and provides me with a good work life balance. I content with it. Time and children stope.from being as fit as I would like, but I'm definitely fighting for it!

I'm 54 & for me taking on new challenges & learning new things & not stagnating is my main drive. I'm full of curiosity & since turning 50 I have completed a post masters course overseas in a really interesting very specialised area which involved a lot of travel to places I'd never been before.

I've changed jobs as a result of this into a specialist, developing area of practice in my field & I'm now working with amazing teams & great budgets to realise projects.

I've taken on a personal academic challenge not at all related to my work & I've gone to an international event related to this study & realised I was as knowledge about this niche thing as many of the people there who were making a career out of it & I was simply doing it out of interest. That was an enormous boost.

I have a wide & eclectic group of friends who are all working in creative sectors & I have the best stimulating & fun conversations with them

I have a couple of incredibly close friends who are family to me & have known me since we were kids.

I've led out on some of the most cutting edge pioneering work in my field in my previous job.

I'm married over 20 years & adore my dh & we have the best time together & we've raised a fantastic dc who is now in university.

I feel incredibly happy & lucky to be where I am!

Oh! And I've lost 31lbs since January & I'm feeling physically fabulous & vital & sexy again.

You sound marvellous! Definitely agree with the power of having diverse and authentic friendships.

@Wisenotboring thank you v much! I read that back & thought omg I sound v boastful. But honestly I'm just so happy to be healthy & able & I'm incredibly conscious of all the opportunities to live a rich & fulfilling life.

My mother is the total opposite & has no interests outside the comings and goings of her small town & TV. She was old way before her time. I feel sad that she's allowed so much life to pass her by but I also have to remind myself that she's OK with that. And it's OK that we're different.

Being fit and in shape

I am neither

Women who are killing it at a second career. DM went to work for a small charity at 53 and retired in triumph as The Legend aged 80.

Women who are taking time to find out what they like doing and doing it. My boss goes riding every weekend on
an equally midlife pony. They love their gallops.

Last and very much not least, everyone who’s refusing to be held hostage by a shitty menopause or the other ailments middle age brings.

For me, a big part of what is important to me in middle age is to be in a relationship with DH that is just easy, cosy and still exciting - at times!
I don't want drama. I just want to be content and happy.

Senior and respected in your profession.

Confident, dignified, at peace with her choices, open to new ideas

Kindness to younger women?

I remember feeling very harshly judged by some senior women at work when I was in my 20's - I knew I had reasonable looks, and some of the men in the office were so inappropriate, it was gross. I wasn't brave enough to call them out, but I definitely didn't encourage them.

But I did feel my female boss at the time judged me/was envious of me, and I just desperately wanted to please her!

I really felt my lack of power and agency in those years, and i wish the senior women in that workplace could have taken me under their wing a bit more.

I admire and aspire to be like middle aged women who:

• Know who they are, and are themselves unapologetically.
• Live purposeful lives, be that focused on family, career, or both.
• Have self-respect and look after themselves.
• Are outward-facing. By which I mean active, interested and focused on others and the world around them. Being preoccupied with oneself is normal in the young, but good to grow out of, imho.

I'm 45 and at the 'fucking hell who am I now that I'm not just a mum' stage.

I'm pushing my career ahead and have picked up a few different interests that are just for me, and that I love because they enrich me.

I don't know if I've become more interesting or just more interested in new and different things.

But they give me a sense of self and of control in my life that I didn't have before. I admire that in people so I guess that's what has propelled me.

The women of my age I admire are … 1 self-determined: know what works for them and work to enable it. This includes a friend who is insta famous for their work, and is constantly open to new opportunities, even when they scare her, and one who manages multiple health issues but knows what works for her and makes it happen. 2. Remain curious - don’t stop learning or stagnate, keep an open mind and don’t get jaded. 3. Don’t take themselves seriously, and just retain a lightness of being. So many middle aged people start to solidify a little. Tbf, I’d apply all of those to middle aged men but with the added ‘don’t be dull’ admonition. I think there’s something about women with knowledge and energy, who are entering an age where they aren’t so committed to child-rearing that has the potential to be really inspiring.

45 - I m in v late stage menopause, almost there (!). I feel I have sailed through it, I am relieved about that, and relieved to have teenagers now and not younger children, my nurturing hormones are dipping. I ve re evaluated unhealthy friendships and disengaged from some, which is liberating.

I m parenting teenage sons - no problems currently, 3 more years and both will be in uni.

Financially stable - phew. I don't adore my career, but it pays the bills, there is no real stress and I WFH, it's currently convenient for my life. Hoping to semi-retire at 50, maybe try something else, or continue what I do on a part time basis. I will decide in due course. I m currently pumping money into a pension fund, as a precaution.

Happily single and dating - still enjoy it, and socialise while dating.

I like my mid life self from an aesthetic point of view, I m content. I can feel the middle area expanding. Next goal is to eat more healthily and exercise more.

I m relaxed and content, no drama. I m on the cusp of being more free to pursue hobbies etc. I just need to identify how I ll spend my time when my children need me even less.

Never compare myself to anyone, and prefer if others don't too.

I so agree @Isthisjustnormal

I see so many man become middle aged bores, happy to sink into their 50s without any changes etc.

But they didn't give away a decade of their careers and their freedoms and hobbies in the way we did.

Now I'm firmly in 'fuck it this is for me' mode.

Mid-50s and been doing a rather panicky life audit on myself over the last two or so years following a series of personal catastrophes.

My career had taken a massive hit because of kids and useless DH, so I've overhauled that, set goals, gone back to postgrad study and clarified in my own mind where all of this is going. I've taken a cold, hard look at my finances, which are in dire shape, but again, I've got a plan. I've stopped regarding myself as a disembodied mind and started having a bit more respect for my body, eating better, exercising, joined a gym, lost 3 stone in 2 years but need to lose more, sorting out longstanding health issues. Backbone to all of this has been regular sessions with a psychotherapist, picking apart childhood issues, relationship issues, parenting of my own children issues, career/money issues, and just generally moving on from shoddy habits and into the life I'd actually like to be living. Had a lot of good advice on here too.

Not sure if that answers your question and I'm still very much a work-in-progress but I guess to sum up I think middle-aged women should be looking onward and outward, not congratulating themselves (or feeling sorry for themselves) and slowing down.

Hmm, I wouldn’t judge someone who was hit hard by the menopause, slowed down and lived a quietly content life, there by the grace of god and all that.

I’m at the slowing down career stage, C suite, PhD. At 57 I want a bit more time for me, I’ve been slogging it out for decades and don’t want to look back and wish I’d done more than be a successful professional. I’m currently looking for a new position, ideally what I do now in a smaller organisation 3 or 4 days a week. I want to build up my hobbies (which have taken a hit in the last few years) before I think about downsizing and retirement.