Help from mothers - office forgot to arrange maternity gift for coworker

[Anmar06]

I am ‘new’ at my office and, recently, found out my coworkers had the unspoken expectation for me to arrange a maternity gift collection for the only other female assistant. She has already had the baby and I feel baby stuff would be a bit insensitive (the baby was born un july!!). What would mumsnet recommend? I want to just send flowers but some of my coworkers feel its too impersonal. I feel this far off from the due date these are essentially apology flowers…

I think as it's coming into autumn/ winter something cosy for the baby in the right size isn't insensitive. A warm dress or jumper or dungarees or something. Loads of people give you newborn stuff and then at three four months you have to buy it all yourself 😂Might be more welcome than you think.

This isn't on you. Having a penis doesn't stop your colleagues buying a present, and as a newbie who, presumably, doesn't know the new mum well or have it as part of your job description, it's not your responsibility.

I'd eye-roll if it's mentioned, and commiserate with the mum that you work with selfish misogynists when she's back.

Is the unspoken expectation because you are a woman, and making the teas and doing this sort of shitwork is what the women do? Grim culture if so. I'd revise yourself -- suggest flowers again, if you get pushback say you're new so don't even know this lady, park it with either her manager or longest-serving team member and say you're happy to offer an opinion/second pair of eyes on what they pick.

Or, just let the idea die, and go out for a massive glass of wine when maternity colleague returns from leave and lament that unimaginative pillocks you work with.

My work did a card flowers and a gift voucher for amazon. It was handy for Christmas coming. I think vouchers are good because then she can get what she will actually use and you're not trying to cater to the personal taste of someone you don't know well...

revise = recuse

Ask the coworkers who don't agree with your choice to make the decision and purchase and send the gift themselves. Job done!

Unbelievable, they want you to arrange a gift because you are a woman. Is it the 1950s? I'd ask HR if they can arrange some combating misogyny in the workplace training for the lot of them.

Ridiculous that they’d expect that, they’re just as capable!

My work gave me John Lewis vouchers. Great choice, can be used for all sorts of useful things.

I'm assuming you don't know this woman personally if you are new and she had a baby in July and is presumably on maternity leave?

I'd give people my bemused face and say, 'Is it in my job description? I don't know this lady. Someone else should surely have organised this months ago?' and then carry on with my work.

We used to send these things called baby bloom baskets. They had baby clothes wrapped up to look like flowers. And a few other baby bits in there as well. We ordered those and they sent it to the person's home. So a variation on that might be good. We also sent muffin baskets. Flowers are nice but when you're a new mum you don't want to be faffing about with vases, and keeping the flowers fresh etc.
If you know the baby's name you could have the gifts a bit personalised.
Those things were about £40 when I got them, probably more like £60 now as it was about 7 yrs ago.

Definitely don’t send flowers or any baby stuff. Flowers are a nuisance and they’ll have necessary baby stuff. Send a voucher for COOK or deliveroo, or John Lewis. Or a box of food treats

Fucks sake.
Weaponised incompetence yet again... testicles mean they dont have to think about buying gifts for gasp a female and also alarm a baby

hmm, so our normal workplace practice is a leaving gift when they actually start maternity leave. It’s usually something personal and something baby related. Sometimes, mothers don’t want baby stuff and we’d make sure part of a gift in that case was a voucher for Amazon, John Lewis. After baby arrives, collective card and individual gifts or praps one from immediate team.

So if all that skipped as happened when I had a baby very early and the gifts were held back while DC in neonatal care. There was a really big voucher because lovely supportfull wave. A very sweet card from immediate team and a huge one from whole building. A couple of nice items from team - mum toiletries and a book.

As to whose responsibility, it’s the line manager and if they want to delegate they’d be likely to ask a close friend colleague.

I would not feel bad about it, but ask how you were supposed to know

Bibado pack! She’ll be weaning in a few months and it was by far my favourite (very practical) gift.

I'd just say no. Why should you do it when you know her the least?

Given the delay the nice thing would be for a colleague to pop round in person because then you can pretend you didn't forget, you (as in the plural colleagues you!) just wanted to see the baby and give it in person. But it should be a colleague who knows and gets on well with her for that to work, not the new starter who barely knows her!

If you have to do it maybe get vouchers for m&s and john lewis and say something like 'we held off on giving these to you because we'd like you to get something to treat yourself and not the baby.' (obviously she can spend them on whatever she wants but at least it's an attempt at face saving)

This!

(As an aside, I left my job after 15 years and got NOTHING. I had organised so many presents and dinners over the years and no-one thought to organise anything for me ).

Star wrap! Cosy for Autumn/Winter

In this situation normal etiquette would be to present her with something when she's back in the office, fgs don't get roped into having to wrap and post the bloody thing too, especially if they want everyone to sign a card.

A Next giftcard and a box of chocolates. That way she can treat either herself or the baby to something.

Crap that this was dumped on you though!

I think it will be fine to do it so late - babies constantly need new clothes!

Rubbish that this was dumped on you. I think you've every right to say you don't know the lady and won't be organising it. If you don't want to though, with a July baby they will most probably have been gifted tiny summer bits. A cosy 3-6 or even 6-9 month fun onsie for winter would probably be good.

So by default, you get the present buying job because you're a woman? Jeez.
Will the new mum appreciate a gift now? I wonder if she was a bit miffed that her workplace didn't even send her a card when her baby was born.

At this point, when she’s back, small flowers and big gift card.

If it's her first child, the best gift I got from my coworkers were a bundle of books and a teddy. It was a nice box of classics like "room on the broom", we used them a lot from a relatively young age with the pictures and now the story.

If you want something a bit more original, I can also recommend the musical soft toys from Moulin Roty (it's soft toys, you pull the tail and it plays music). Both my kids love theirs and grew with it.

Don't send anything! Why the hell is it your job when you must hardly know her!