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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that answering your phone at a dinner table is rude

38 replies

Littlehouseonthe · 03/10/2024 23:07

Does your partner do this? How does/ would it make you feel if they did it?

Partner and I were celebrating a special occasion tonight so we got a takeaway (couldn’t go out for a meal as we have a small baby and no childcare). We have had so little time recently to connect/ chat and have been going through some relationship issues so the two hours we had together tonight felt important/special. Right after we finished eating and were chatting at the table, his phone rings and he answers it straight away. It’s not an emergency, it’s his mate ringing for a catch up. He happily chats away with his mate whilst I am sitting there looking at the ceiling.

AIBU to think this is not ok?

OP posts:
ChristmasPostman · 03/10/2024 23:09

Nope. Thoughtless and frankly ignorant.

Closetheblinds · 03/10/2024 23:11

It’s not ok, he is ignorant. Especially if it’s just a friend!

LoremIpsumCici · 03/10/2024 23:11

It’s rude while eating, but when you’ve finished that’s a grey area imho.

Talipesmum · 03/10/2024 23:12

I’m fairly relaxed about answering phones etc, but I’d only think it was ok if it was someone who might be an emergency, or maybe answering someone’s call to check what they want, but warding them off to another time. Or v quickly and apologetically dealing with something fast. Not sitting back and having a nice catchup while you’re sat there like a lemon.

kasode · 03/10/2024 23:14

DH would probably answer his phone if we were just eating at home (but not at a restaurant unless he could see it was urgent). He doesn't have mates who would call just for a chat though so it would probably be something more urgent or official that he'd have to deal with now. Me, I hate answering my phone at any time and I'd just ignore it like I normally do.

Ineffable23 · 03/10/2024 23:14

I wouldn't mind him answering it in the first place, primarily because if someone calls without messaging first the way etiquette has changed recently means it tends to be urgent.

But I would expect him to rapidly conclude it wasn't urgent/an emergency and then hang up within a minute or so.

BuggersMuddle · 03/10/2024 23:22

Not okay. Only people who tend to call 'for a chat' are immediate family though & if it was parents I'd answer (mainly as they are now older & have some health issues), but if not urgent I'd let them know we were eating & arrange a time to call back.

Anyone else, I'd send a text along the lines of 'Hey couldn't take your call. Let me know if anything urgent? Otherwise I'm around at X time if you wanted a chat?'

LoremIpsumCici · 03/10/2024 23:27

So those who say answering the phone after you have finished eating dinner is rude, when does it become acceptable?

Just wondering where the line is for each of you. 10 minutes? 2 hours? Or is the line an event like after all dishes are washed?

Original poster
Littlehouseonthe · 03/10/2024 23:37

LoremIpsumCici · 03/10/2024 23:27

So those who say answering the phone after you have finished eating dinner is rude, when does it become acceptable?

Just wondering where the line is for each of you. 10 minutes? 2 hours? Or is the line an event like after all dishes are washed?

I said in my original post that it was pretty much right we finished eating. It wasn’t just a dinner but rather an ‘special’ evening to celebrate sth

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 03/10/2024 23:43

I’m just saying imho it’s a grey area. Was it agreed on as a celebratory dinner or celebratory evening? It’s ok for you to think it wasn’t ok, but I don’t think it is necessarily obviously not ok.

AdoraBell · 03/10/2024 23:45

My DH does all time even in restaurants.

LonelyInDville · 04/10/2024 02:02

I think during dinner regardless if at home or out it’s rude. But there are exceptions of course

DragonFire101 · 04/10/2024 02:40

I think everyone is short on time when you have a kid and the eating had been finished. I think maybe it was ok to answer however he should have called the friend back after he realised it was a casual chat.

DH doesn’t have chatty friends it’s usually his mum calling and he wraps it up fast or gets back to her later (letting the call go).

Candaceowens · 04/10/2024 03:21

Why did it take you two hours to have a takeaway?

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2024 03:27

Wouldn't really bother me, although I generally don't do it. Our phone conversations are usually pretty short anyway and neither of us uses it for just a chat or a catch-up.

ImustLearn2Cook · 04/10/2024 03:46

I think if you are spending some quality/special time with someone then it is rude to ignore or exclude that person, phone or no phone. It is not a nice thing to do to someone who you are meant to care about.

@Littlehouseonthe yanbu.

SwanSong1 · 04/10/2024 03:59

Bigger problems in the world going on OP really.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/10/2024 04:00

Special occasion, actively having a conversation about something not just short 'do us a brew/what are we going to watch on the telly' exchanges...

Yes, it's fucking rude, my sister does it ALL the time - pops round to see me about something then spends half an hour wittering to someone else either on the phone or via text. If its not that its playing stupid phone games, she can't put the fucking thing down and can't understand others might AND has an uncanny ability to ring just as I have sat down to have a chat/play a game with DP/watch something with him.

I ignore it, she knows she can message me and I'll check that but may not respond immediately if its not an emergency, but she will sometimes persist in ringing mobile and landline until I answer which infuriates me when its something like 'oh I am driving can you just google x for me'...

My friends all know I may not answer if I am busy, they're fine with that, I do return calls/messages in a reasonable time frame.

I absolutely HATE this idea that we're constantly available for others and should answer immediately, ignore the person we're actually with, for what is almost always nothing remotely important.

Katielovesteatime · 04/10/2024 04:57

So you'd finished eating and you were just sat at home? I'd not consider that esepecially rude to be honest.

HideousKinky · 04/10/2024 05:27

How long did they chat for? If it was a quick 5 minus or so then he said, mate I have to go, Littlehouse & I are in the middle of something - then all good

HideousKinky · 04/10/2024 05:28

(That should say 5 minutes, of course)

Cornercandy · 04/10/2024 06:35

I refuse to answer the phone. If people don’t understand when I ring back that I was having a meal, then they have issues

MinnieMountain · 04/10/2024 06:38

Given that it was special time together, he was rude.

Edited so say whilst eating is always rude.

The13thFairy · 04/10/2024 10:22

You really don't understand. His friend is important to him.

Redragonoteal · 04/10/2024 10:27

I only answer if it's my MIL! I assume everything else can wait. If we were out somewhere and it was one of the DC/whoever is with them then I'd answer but ignore everyone else.
As you hadn't left the table yet, I'm going to side with rude, but not extremely so.