To think that answering your phone at a dinner table is rude

[Littlehouseonthe]

Does your partner do this? How does/ would it make you feel if they did it?

Partner and I were celebrating a special occasion tonight so we got a takeaway (couldn’t go out for a meal as we have a small baby and no childcare). We have had so little time recently to connect/ chat and have been going through some relationship issues so the two hours we had together tonight felt important/special. Right after we finished eating and were chatting at the table, his phone rings and he answers it straight away. It’s not an emergency, it’s his mate ringing for a catch up. He happily chats away with his mate whilst I am sitting there looking at the ceiling.

AIBU to think this is not ok?

If you’re sat chatting to each other after the meal it isn’t a grey area it’s plain rude. He’s dropped OPs conversation to answer the phone to chat to his friend, he could of called back later

My husband does it all the time if he’s even home for meals but they’re work calls and we’re running our own business so I kind of just accept it. It’s annoying and rude tho, still. If it was just a mate for a chat, I’d be quite pissed off, just ring him back later!

I actually think it's OK to answer it after you've finished eating - but on the other hand, if you had mutual, agreed plans to spend the evening reconnecting together, I'd expect him to minimise the amount of time on the phone - 10 min - fine, an hour long natter not so much.

You need to communicate with him that if you are having a special evening or meal then both your phones need to be elsewhere/turned off unless you have a known serious ill relative.

Going forward if you stay together you will both need to show your own child phone etiquette and this actually starts from when they can sit at the table with you in their high chair.

Nah, that is still grey area to me. Grey area means there will be different opinions on whether rude or not rude. The thread reflects this as does the differing opinions of OP and her DH.

Another mother who will end up a single parent. Time to get your ducks in a row.

Plain rude

Grey area for the actual answering.
I would want to know it wasn't an emergency / something that needed dealing with asap, as generally, that is the majority of calls.

In this case, having established it wasn't, he was rude to then just chat, prioritising the person over the one in front of him. He should have said "in the middle of something right now, I'll call you back later, or tomorrow", or, if it is someone that tends to ring for a chat, just not answered when his name came up.

Special evening or not no one has the right to tell someone they can't answer their phone!
Can you image the uproar if this thread was
"My DH is angry because he brought a takeaway and wanted a special evening but I answered my phone"
Everyone would be saying how controlling he is and too LTB!

Looking through the comments it is a mixed bag but more suggesting it’s rude. If you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone and they cut that to answer a phone call that is rude, they are basically saying that conversation is more important than yours.

If you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone and they cut that to answer a phone call that is rude, they are basically saying that conversation is more important than yours.

Sometimes it is though.

eg when you get a call from the hospice your parent is in
when you get a call from the school your child is at
when you have a child (or other relative) with special needs, particularly those who struggle with anxiety
when you are the safeguarding lead for something you volunteer with
when you are expecting a call from a medical professional
etc etc

Which is why people are saying it is a grey area.
Everyone has said it is rude to swap chatting with the person you are F2F with, to start a general chat with someone on the phone, but people aren't giving a blanket "it is rude to answer your phone, EVER, if you are chatting to someone" as there are dozens of scenarios when answering that phone might well be more important / more pressing or urgent, than the conversation in front of you.

The reason it's rude is he's showing you you're not a priority.

If I'm in your presence, and my phone is in my hand or at my grasp, and I reach for it; you don't hold my attention. If on the other hand the phones in my bag, another room, on silent etc. that's more an indication that you have my attention, we have that time, it's your time without interruption. I'm telling you that this activity is important.

He shouted loud and clear that the mates call was more important to him than date night.

This is definitely not ok. It is rude, unkind and selfish.